Text 15384, 113 rader
Skriven 2007-05-14 15:38:22 av DAVE SACERDOTE (1:123/140)
Ärende: Saturday
================
I spent Saturday morning clearing brush and feeding the wood
chipper.  Saturday afternoon, I was at my brother-in-law's, 
helping him put up a stockade fence.  Putting up a fence at my
place is a cinch, since this place used to be a farm and I have 
mostly sand, loam, and some clay under the surface.  At his place,
it's a nightmare of rocks, roots, and slag.

By 1800, when I left, I was sore and exhausted and didn't feel
much like cooking.  So Maryanne, Lynn, and I went out to a new
restaurant in Enfield called "I Like Ike's Pie Restaurant."  Their
logo is an "I Like Ike" campaign button, and the whole place has
a vaguely 1950's / Eisenhower theme.

The restaurant is in a small strip mall, and the physical decor of
the place is pretty much identical to the previous tenant, another
restaurant that failed a few years ago: wood panel wainscot under
floral print wallpaper, cheap stained-glass lamps, booths &
tables - pretty standard 1980's Restaurant Chic. Ike Atmosphere is
provided by hundreds of posters, repro metal signs, and Photoshopped
pictures of Eisenhower with "clever" (i.e. stupid/borderline retarded)
captions like "Who's this Elvis guy? What does he eat?"

We were greeted at the door by a friendly idiot who said, "Hello,
happy people."  It was like being welcomed by Barney the Dinosaur
without the amusing purple plushiness. I resisted the urge to punch
him as he showed us to our seats.

Once seated in our booth, we met AshleyOurWaitress. Chipper, perky,
too much makeup, I didn't really care, I just wanted to order a cold
beer, a burger, and a slice of pie since I Like Ike's has been 
advertising all over the local papers about how good their pie is.
I asked for a Sam Adams and was told that the SA tap was "out" but
I could have a Bud Light, Miller Light, or Coors Light on tap.  I
got Sam in a bottle instead.

We placed our orders a few minutes later:

Cheeseburger (Maryanne): A huge 3/4-pound patty on a Kaiser
roll, topped with lousy sliced winter tomatoes and a thick
layer of lettuce.  She ordered it medium and got it medium-
rare.  She also asked for mayo and got a serving-sized cuplet
of Miracle Whip about 20 minutes later.  This level of
service was maintained throughout the evening.

Bacon Cheeseburger (Me): A huge 3/4-pound patty on a Kaiser
roll, topped with an "X" of two decent slices of bacon and
lousy sliced winter tomatoes and a thick layer of lettuce.
I removed the vegetables from mine and set them aside.  My
burger was ordered rare and came to the table medium-plus.
It was good-quality beef, though, not too dry despite the
cooking, and I ate it with just salt and pepper for seasoning.

Both burgers were served with decent twice-fried french
fries, crispy outside and mealy within, which benefited
greatly from salt and pepper and ketchup.

Fried Mozzarella (Lynn): A single thick slice of mozz, cut
into two diagonals like a sandwich, breaded with panko and
fried crispy-gooey.  It was served with a chunky marinara
that was quite a bit like stewed tomatoes in sauce.  This was
the single biggest bit of thievery on the menu: I paid about
six bucks for a dime's worth of fried cheese.  The marinara
was on the bland side, though the cheese benefitted from the
fried panko coating and was pretty good.

French onion soup (Lynn): Lynn loves F.O.S. and orders it
whenever it appears on a menu.  Ike's version was flavorless
brown water with oniony brown sludge, topped with a floating
flavorless crouton and a large square of neutral cheese that
was run under a broiler to drool down the side of the cup.
It seemed to be constituted from a dry packet and was less
than delicious.

House salad (Lynn): Unremarkable standard chopped green
salad stuff; Lynn asked for Ranch dressing and got Kraft
Ranch dressing. Ho hum.

Ziti and sauce (Lynn): Ziti, marinara sauce, some small amount
of unseasoned ricotta, topped with mozzarella and hit with a
salamander.  Lynn ate some and said, "What a surprise, it's as
bland as the rest of the meal."

After our plates were set in front of us, AshleyOurWaitress
busied herself with becoming invisible, being elsewhere, and
attentively servicing two other tables in the restaurant.  I
asked for a Diet Pepsi after my Sam's ran out, but it never
found its way to our booth.  We intended to get pie and coffee
for afters and waited patiently, but about fifteen minutes after
we had finished dinner, I told Maryanne that the longer I waited
the less I wanted anything else from that goddamned place and
when AshleyOurWaitress appeared HALF AN HOUR LATER and asked if
we wanted dessert, I glared at her and said, "Just the check,
thanks."

We waited another ten minutes or so, but the other table had
AshleyOurWaitress completely engaged in loafing, so I left a
few bucks as a skimpy tip and took the check myself up to the
register.  There was another girl at the counter who removed
the charge for the Diet Pepsi from our check and looked a 
little surprised when she asked "Was everything all right?" and
I answered, "No, actually this place kind of sucks.  I'm not
sure if we'll ever be back."

We left and went home to make coffee.  We might go back once
more to give them another chance and perhaps try the pie, but
if the service is that crappy again, it will be the last time.



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Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, 
minutus carborata descendum pantorum
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