Text 23579, 299 rader
Skriven 2007-11-28 22:03:28 av Sean Dennis (1:261/38.200)
Ärende: Funny recipe post
=========================
Hi, everyone!

A word of warning: this post is a bit long and it has eight short
recipes in it.

I read rec.humor.oracle (the Internet Oracle) and this week's
Oracularities had a particularly funny post with a few recipes in it.
For some reason, it reminded me of a few people in here asking about a
"simple" recipe (read the whole thing to the end!).

(Sorry about the strange word wrapping; this FSE on my board cuts the
lines shorter than PINE does...)

===Cut===
Date: Wed, 07 Nov 07 16:02:32 -0500
From: Internet Oracle <oracle-vote@cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Internet Oracularity #1427-08

Selected-By: "J. Avedon" <SOteric2@msn.com>

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:

> oh great and cheesy oracle...
>
> cheese is a favourite of mine, and I like it on potatoes.
>
> Could you please give me a simple Potatoes Au Gratin recipe?

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} I'm glad you asked! I don't often get to tell people this, but I
really
} enjoy cooking. In my temple, I have priests and other volunteers
that
} take care of almost every chore - but I usually do the cooking
myself,
} especially if we're having steak and potatoes. Au Gratin Potatoes is
} one of my favorite side dishes, and I've even been known to add some
} beef and turn it into a main course! That recipe doesn't have a
name,
} though.
}
} But I digress. You wanted a recipe, and you shall have one! There
are
} literally millions of different recipes for Potatoes Au Gratin.
That's
} because "au gratin" is more-or-less French for "with cheese." So any
} recipe that combines potatoes with cheese can be-
}
} } I knew that. But do you have a simple recipe?
}
} *Sigh.* Yes, of course; you don't want the history, just a recipe.
} Okay. Here's one of my favorites:
}
} Cheesy Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------
} The ingredients are:
}    1 pound of Idaho Potatoes, peeled and thinly sliced.
}      (that's about 2 very large potatoes)
}    4 ounces of Cheddar Cheese (grated or shredded)
}    3/4 cup Heavy Cream
}    Salt, Pepper, Garlic Powder, and Onion Powder to taste
} First, preheat your oven to 400 degrees.
} Lightly grease a medium gratin dish with butter.
} Cover the bottom of the pan with an overlapping layer of potatoes.
} Lightly season with the salt, pepper, garlic powder and onion
powder,
} and top it with a sprinkling (about 2 tablespoons) of cheese. Then
make
} another layer of potatoes, seasoning and cheese, and then another,
} until you've used all of the potatoes; be sure to keep some cheese
for
} the top layer.
} Now pour the cream over the potatoes; press lightly with your hands
to
} cover the potatoes with cream.
} Cover the dish with aluminum foil and bake until the cheese is
absorbed
} into the potatoes and the potatoes are tender when pierced with a
knife
} (this takes about 50 minutes).
} Remove the foil and bake about 10 more minutes, until the mixture is
} bubbly and the top is golden brown.
} Remove from the oven and let it rest at least 10 minutes before
} serving.
}
} } Wow.
}
} Sounds great, huh?
}
} } Um... it's probably delicious, but...
}
} But?
}
} } I wanted a SIMPLE recipe.
}
} What's so complicated? The layers?
}
} } I guess so.
}
} Okay, okay. Don't worry; I have others. Let me think... Ah! I have
} another fine recipe.
}
} Recipe #2: Potatoes Gratin
} --------------------------
}    3 1/4-pound Potatoes
}    1/3 cup Gruyere Cheese, shredded
}    3 cups Chicken Broth, or Vegetable Broth
}    1/2 teaspoon Ground Nutmeg
}    1/2 teaspoon Freshly Ground Black Pepper
} First, preheat your oven to 425 degrees.
} Peel potatoes and cut into 1/8" slices.
} Put the potatoes into a casserole and shake to settle potatoes down.
} Mix broth and spices and pour over potatoes.
} Bake until potatoes are very tender (1 to 1 1/2 hours).
} As potatoes get dry on top, tilt casserole and baste with broth.
} Sprinkle potatoes evenly with cheese and bake until cheese melts.
} Let casserole sit 5 to 10 minutes to allow juice to soak into
potatoes.
}
} } Oh my.
}
} Better, huh? No layers.
}
} } Yeah, but...
}
} What's wrong now?
}
} } It still seems like a lot of work... you have to keep basting it!
}
} Not simple enough, huh?
}
} } Have you got something even simpler?
}
} Sure I do. In most of my potato recipes, once you start baking you
} don't have to do anything until it's almost done. Here's another
fine
} recipe:
}
} Recipe #3: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
}    5 cups (about 5 medium) peeled, sliced, raw potatoes
}    1 cup shredded cheddar
}    1/2 cup freshly grated parmesan cheese
}    1/4 cup butter or margarine
}    1/4 cup flour
}    1/2 tsp. salt
}    2 cups milk
}    1/4 cup dry bread crumbs
}    1 Tbs. melted butter or margarine
} First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees.
} In a medium saucepan, melt margarine, stir in flour and salt.
} Add milk and cook until mixture boils and thickens, stirring
} constantly. Stir in cheeses and potatoes.
} Pour into a 2 qt casserole or individual casserole dishes.
} Combine bread crumbs and melted margarine/butter, sprinkle over
} potatoes.
} Bake covered for 1 to 1 1/2 hours or until bubbly and potatoes
tender.
} Garnish with chopped chives if desired.
}
} } But it's still a lot of work!
}
} Which part - adding the chopped chives? You can skip that step.
}
} } No, not that... just... well, you have to cook the sauce first,
and
} } then there's still more cooking.
}
} So you'd prefer to have only one step that involves heating anything
} up?
}
} } Yeah. Do you have anything like that?
}
} Of course I do. Like I say, there are millions of different recipes
-
} and since I'm omniscient, I know them all. Here's one that's not as
} tasty, but it's very simple to make:
}
} Recipe #4: Parmesan Potato Gratin
} ---------------------------------
}    4 large russet potatoes peeled and thinly sliced
}    6 tablespoons freshly grated parmesan cheese
}    1 teaspoon salt
}    1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
}    1 large clove garlic finely chopped
}    1-1/2 cups chicken stock
} Preheat oven to 400.
} Lightly grease oval gratin dish and arrange a layer of potatoes on
} bottom.
} Sprinkle with salt, pepper, 1/3 garlic and 2 tablespoons cheese.
} Repeat twice more and pour over stock.
} Bake until potatoes are tender, about 45 minutes.
}
} } It seems like in every one of these recipes you have to slice
} } potatoes!
}
} Well, yeah. These recipes are for POTATOES Au Gratin, right?
}
} } But I remember when my mom used to make them, the potatoes were
} } already... um...
}
} Some of my recipes use pre-packaged hash browns, instead of fresh
} potatoes.
}
} } Yeah! That's a good idea.
}
} Okay, here's one you might like.
}
} Recipe #5: Potato Au Gratin
} ---------------------------
}    1 pkg of hash browns
}    2 cups grated cheddar cheese
}    1/2 cup margarine
}    1 can cream of chicken soup, undiluted
}    2 cups sour cream
}    2 tbsp onion or onion flakes
}    1 tsp pepper
} Preheat oven to 350.
} Melt margarine in a bowl in the microwave.
} Remove and add soup and sour cream and blend well.
} Stir in onion, pepper and cheese.
} Fold in hash browns until well mixed.
} Put in greased 9 x 13 baking dish and bake for 1 hour.
} Make sure hash browns are cooked in center.
} Can be made ahead and frozen.
}
} } An hour?
}
} Yes...
}
} } Have you got anything that cooks quicker?
}
} Why don't you ask your mom for her recipe?
}
} } She thinks I can't make potatoes without her help. I want to prove
} } something to her.
}
} Okay, fine. Here's one that cooks in 35 to 40 minutes:
}
} Recipe #6: Au Gratin Taters
} ---------------------------
}    2 pounds frozen hash browns - partially thawed
}    4 oz. cheddar cheese
}    2 sticks of butter (1/2 pound)
}    2 cups-
}
} } Wait a minute. 40 minutes? Haven't you got anything that cooks in
} } 20 minutes or less?
}
} *Sigh.* Of course I do. Okay, here we go.
}
} Recipe #7: Au Gratin Potatoes
} -----------------------------
}    4 cups peeled and thinly sliced potatoes
}    1 cup-
}
} } "Thinly sliced potatoes?"
}
} Whoops. My mistake. Okay, let me think for a minute.
}
} When you say you want a "simple" recipe, you mean:
}    1) You don't want to slice any potatoes
}    2) You don't want to have different layers
}    3) You don't want to have two different heating steps
}    4) It has to cook in 20 minutes or less
} Right?
}
} } Yeah! Have you got anything like that?
}
} I sure do, if you don't need "gourmet" quality.
}
} Recipe #8: Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
} -------------------------------------------
}    1 package Betty Crocker Potatoes Au Gratin
}    1/4 stick of butter or margarine
}    1 cup milk
} Combine all ingredients (except the cardboard) into a casserole
dish.
} Cook at 375 degrees for 20 minutes.
}
} } Perfect! Hey, I think that's the same recipe my mom uses!
} } Thanks, Oracle! You're fantastic!
}
} I knew we'd get there eventually.
}
} You owe the Oracle a "simple recipe" for lasagna (no boiling
noodles,
} no different layers, only one heating step, 20 minutes or less) that
} doesn't need an oven or a microwave, and doesn't involve anything
} frozen.
===Cut===

Later,
Sean

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