Text 6250, 202 rader
Skriven 2013-10-30 06:16:00 av DAVE DRUM (1:261/1381)
     Kommentar till en text av JIM WELLER
Ärende: Beaver Tails
====================
-=> JIM WELLER wrote to DAVE DRUM <=-

 DD> The muskrat (musquash) is so fishy that "Muskrats are the moral
 DD> equivalent of fish for otherwise observant Roman Catholics

 JW> They don't taste fishy, they just live in the water.

 DD> Having not tried muskrat (although I have had nutria) and being told
 DD> they live on fish as well as plant matter and that they taste fishy I
 DD> had assumed (I know, I know) that they were like the merganser duck.

 JW> They are technically omnivores but virtually vegetarian. Now
 JW> mergansers, loons and seals ... totally gross.

 JW> Do not believe the following recipe ...

Oh, I don't. Fake "folksy" is my first tip-off. I did rather expect it to be
like the recipe for preparing albatross stew - which calls for the addition of
a shoe tongue to the pot and finishes by directing the cook to discard
everything but the shoe tongue and eat that .... sometimes the directions
include putting large quantities of catsup on the shoe leather.
 
 JW> MMMMM----- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.06

 JW>       Title: To Make Coot, Loon and Mud Hen Palatable
 JW>  Categories: Canadian, Game, Poultry, Info, Duck
 JW>       Yield: 1 Servings

 JW>            Coots, loons, mud hens or
 JW>            Other fish ducks

"Spaghetti con Seagull and Pisceli was handed down from her mother. Her own
mother learned it from Nonna's grandmother, and she learned it from her own
mother. Her mother learned it from her mother, and her mother stole it from the
back pocket of some hairy-arsed Genovase fisherman while he was giving her a
seeing to against the back fence in some ally. A right slut apparently.

"The interesting thing about this dish is that unlike most recipes from this
region which tend to focus on fish, meats and various peasant vegetarian
staples, this utilises seagulls, a form of poultry absent from every other
coastal cuisine. It remains the only seagull recipe ever recorded in history.
Enjoy!

"The following is enough for a family of 18."

MMMMM----- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.06

      Title: Spaghetti con Seagull & Piseli * PART ONE
 Categories: Game, Pasta, Vegetables, Wine, Citrus
      Yield: 18 servings

           White flour
      1 lg Egg
    1/2 c  Water
     24 l  Olive oil
      1    Carrot
     10 kg Ripe tomatoes
      5 kg Tinned tomatoes
      2 kg Tomato paste
      2 kg Garlic (15 bulbs)
      2 lg Onions
      2    Seagulls
      2 cl Prosciutto; (thin)
    1/2 c  Peas
      1 c  Black olives; (dried)
    1/2 c  Porcini mushrooms
     10 l  Red wine
      1    Rind of orange
      1 bn Basil; (fresh)
      1 bn Rosemary
      2    Bay leaves

  To make this, you will need to begin by donning the same
  black mourning dress that you'd worn everyday since your
  great grandfather died in 1956.

  The first step is to collect your good walking stick and
  gather a large wicker basket of firewood from the nearest
  forest. Best if you mumble complaints as you go. Ignore
  anyone milling around wells since they are mostly likely
  gossiping about you.

  Make a fire in the mud brick oven that you’ve constructed
  by hand in the backyard the night before. Be sure to start
  the fire only on the morning of the previous night where
  there was a full moon.

  Once you've said 28 rounds of the Rosary the fire should
  be right to begin. If you've used hardwood, you may need
  some extra Hail Marys.

  Take the olive oil, dab your finger in it and make the
  sign of the cross. Pour a glass and drink it to keep your
  skin looking healthy. Finally pour a litre or three into a
  large stock pot. Look into the pot and add another litre.

  Take a large sharp knife and threaten to cut the throat of
  your grandson's new girlfriend, the one that isn't
  Catholic and has short hair. Cut the carrot into small
  cubes, then slice the onions. Vow to the saints that
  you'll make that little tart cry like the onions are
  making you cry. Peel and cut the garlic, giving thanks to
  god. Sauté the carrots, unions and garlic till brown and
  take off heat.

  Place colander between knees and shell peas while watching
  World Championship Wrestling. Pour yourself a glass of the
  red wine for your blood. Not that shit that Louey made
  last year and not fit to use as vinegar, some of the good
  stuff. Drain the olives, slice the prosciutto, and prepare
  the mushrooms.

  Take the seagulls and the wine and move the front porch
  where you can keep on eye on that bitch from Number 27.
  Pluck seagulls thoroughly and singe with blow torch or gas
  stove to remove any remaining feathers. Keep neck and head
  attached. Gut the gulls and cut into pieces. Keep the
  feet.

  Take flour, eggs, water, and salt to the good house next
  door and make the pasta. Be sure to give your ungrateful
  grandson a crashing backhander to the head on your way.
  Threaten with a rolling pin if there is one handy. Leave
  pasta to dry out the back.

  Cut a loaf of Vienna bread in two, place a whole
  mozzarella and some salami inside and eat with half litre
  of wine for lunch.

  Hang crucifix above stove. Return the pot with the sauteed
  vegetables to heat, place in gull pieces and cook until
  brown. Add 6 litres of red wine, all of the tomatoes, the
  olives, mushroom, prosciutto, rind and herbs. Place a
  fresh log on the fire, say a prayer to St. Anthony and add
  more garlic and tomatoes.

  * Seagull Spaghetti with Peas - A traditional Calabrese
  dish provided by Nonna Spirelli. Melbourne, Victoria,
  Australia

  Continued to part two

  From: http://ninospirelli.blogspot.com

  Uncle Dirty Dave's Archives

MMMMM

MMMMM----- Recipe via Meal-Master (tm) v8.06

      Title: Spaghetti con Seagull & Piseli  PART TWO
 Categories: Game, Pasta, Vegetables, Wine, Citrus
      Yield: 18 servings

           NARRATIVE CONTINUES

  Simmer on low heat for nine hours. In the meantime you
  may, while half pissed, lecture the dog on how easy you
  children have it compared to what it was like in village
  during the war. Gloss over the part about the lost
  infantryman and the barn.

  Get the spaghetti from the good house next door. Curse the
  ungrateful greedy widow three doors down that refuses to
  sell her house to you. Cook and drain the pasta, and add
  to the pot. Stir through while secretly pretending to be a
  witch. Make a note for your next confessional.

  Take the pot to the table. Make sure the table is in the
  garage, next to the industrial deep freezer and the
  plastic wine tank. If not, under a carport will do.

  Serve in portions of no less than 5KG each.

  Garnish the plates of the guests of honour by sticking in
  two legs, as if the gulls had buried themselves in the
  steaming pasta.

  Say grace and eat.

  Best served after a large horsemeat steak.
 
  If anyone fails to finish their second plate ask why they
  don't like it. After that ask why it isn't good enough for
  then. Following this, ask if they'd like an omelette.
  Regardless of what they say, get up and make them that
  omelette. You should be muttering under your breath
  various exclamations as to how it couldn't be good
  enough. Finally start banging on about how much you've
  suffered over the years. 

  Enough for a family of 18

  From: http://ninospirelli.blogspot.com

  Uncle Dirty Dave's Archives

MMMMM

... I took to it like a duck takes to a roasting pan.
--- MultiMail/Win32 v0.49
 * Origin: www.holo.homeip.net:   -telnet://holo.homeip.net (1:261/1381)