Text 9290, 69 rader
Skriven 2014-01-28 22:44:00 av JIM WELLER (1:123/140)
Ärende: Rant
============
Cute little death bears make me grin.

I love a good rant even if I don't agree with it. This one made me
smile with its over the top hyperbole yet I can't sympathize with
gluttons who purchase huge bags of candy and then make themselves
sick with their gluttony ...

Haribo gummy bears implicated in 'gastric exorcism'

Victims of sugar-free sweets vent spleen in Amazon reviews

By Jasper Hamill

It's a cutesy brand of sweet marked with the tagline "kids and
grown-ups love it so". But the happy world of Haribo has suddenly
clouded over after tiny ursine squishy figures of the sugar-free
variety reportedly caused "gastric exorcism" in dozens of Amazon
reviewers.

More than 100 people wrote graphic descriptions of the carnage they
claim was caused to them by way of their consumption of the
sugarless Haribo gummy bears.

The reviews were tacked on to a product page for the catering-sized
bag - a bulging 5 pound (2.2kg) plastic-coated wad which contains
approximately 1,080 bears - of the treats, which are packed full of
a type of maltitol syrup (LycasinTM) - an artificial sweetener which
is known to have a laxative effect.

To be fair, the unfortunate sweetie-lovers were warned about the
possible side effects, as Amazon's description admitted: "This
product is a sugarless/sugarfree item with ingredients that can
cause intestinal distress if eaten in excess."

That's putting it mildly. One Amazon reviewer described emitting
"sounds like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell" and a "stench
like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited" after eating the bears.

The "death bears" were described as causing people to feel as if
they were "trying to squeeze Niagara Falls through a coffee straw".

"Haribo has replaced the sucrose in a typical batch of Gummy Bears
with colon-shredding rage," another viewer warned.

Most of the descriptions are too graphic to print, for fear of
offending the sensibilities of our more squeamish readers.

"My dad always used to say "I don't believe in God...but I'm afraid
of him"," one poor victim said. "Well I believe in God, and the only
thing that scares me is haribo sugarless gummy bears.

"I'm serious, these things should be outlawed or used as a military
weapon."

For the sake of journalistic balance, here is one of the five-star
reviews:

"I bought one order for the Westboro Baptist Church as a donation
because we all know how much God hates irregularity."


YK Jim


... Eat Like You Mean It.

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