Text 1423, 102 rader
Skriven 2006-09-05 10:11:05 av Roger Nelson (1:3828/7)
     Kommentar till en text av Carol Shenkenberger
Ärende: Southernness
====================
Southernness
 
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption
fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____
 
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,
beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____
 
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
_____
 
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, . As in: "Going to
town, be back directly."
_____
 
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle
of the table.
_____
 
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.  They might not use the term,
but they know the concept well.
_____
 
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of
cold potato salad.  If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know
to add a large banana puddin!
_____
 
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a
right far piece."  They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or
20.
_____
 
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal
is actually going to make a turn.
_____
 
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____
 
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in
line," ... We talk to everybody!
_____
 
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related,
even if only by marriage.
_____
 
In the South, y'all is singular, .. All y'all is plural.
_____
 
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____
 
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, AND coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____
 
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in
the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____
 
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk."  Sweet tea indicates
the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet
milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____
 
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies
who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... And go your
own way.
_____
 
To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southernness: Take
two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. 
Bless your heart!
_____
 
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff, Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on
Southernness as a second language!
_____
 
And for those that are not from the South, but have lived here for a long time,
all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from
the South, but I got here as fast as I could."
____
 
Bless your hearts. Y'all have a blessed day.
 
 
Regards,
 
Roger

--- D'Bridge 2.55
 * Origin: NCS BBS (1:3828/7)