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Ärende: Fidonews -- v23 #28 [02/02] -- General Articles
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The  F I D O N E W S      Volume 23, Number 28             09 Jul 2006
+--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+
| |The newsletter of the | |                                         |
| |  FidoNet community.  | | Netmail attach to (POTS):               |
| |                      | |     Editor @ 1:1/22 (1-(830)-620-xxxx   |
| |          ____________| |                                         |
| |         /  __          | Netmail attach to (BinkP):              |
| |        /  /  \         |     Editor @ 1:1/22                     |
| | WOOF! (  /|oo \        |                                         |
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|            _ @/_ \    _  |     sstar @ z28krazy dot com            |
|           |     | \   \\ |                                         |
|           | (*) |  \   ))|                                         |
|           |__U__| /  \// |         Editor: Roy Witt                |
|   ______   _//|| _\   /  |                                         |
|  / Fido \ (_/(_|(____/   |   Don't print a lot of dull stuff       |
| (________)    (jm)       |   that people are supposed to like.     |
|                          |          -- William Randolph Hearst     |
+--------------------------+-----------------------------------------+

                           The Noone!

       (not to be confused with "The Raven" of Edgar Allen Poe)

Once upon a midnight lasting, while I pondered, faint and fasting, over
many a delightful and delectable delicacy of forgotten store - while I was
drooling, nearly dripping, suddenly there came a ripping, as of someone
gently nipping, nipping at my chamber floor. "'Tis some visitor," I
muttered, "ripping at my chamber floor - only this, and nothing more."

Upon my word with quite a clatter, through the ground with many a
move of matter, in there heaved a lecherous Noone of the forgotten
days of lore; not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped
or stayed he; but with mien of one sick malady, landed on my chamber
floor - crawled upon the brand-new carpet just above my chamber floor -
farted, piercing and sat and nothing more.

Then this filthy sphinctre muscle beguiling my famished fancy into
smiling, by the befuddled and crazed decorum of the countenance it wore,
"Though thy Snout be long and leering, thou," said I, "art sure nothing
worth fearing, ghastly, gaunt, and gruesome Noone, wandering from beneath
my floor - Tell me what thy lowly name is on the desert's lonely moor!"

Quoth the Noone, "Felon, Thieves, Pirates, MP3s, Movies and More."

Much I marvelled this ungainly chocolate tunnel to hear discourse so
plainly, though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore; for we
cannot help agreeing that no living human being ever yet was blessed with
seeing Noone above his chamber floor - no such beast upon the
newly-carpeted chamber floor, with such a name as Noone.

But the Noone still beguiling all my famished fancy into smiling,
straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of beast and carpet and
floor; Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous beast of lore - what
this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous beast of lore meant
in croaking, "Felon, Thieves, Pirates, MP3s, Movies and More."

Then methought, the air grew foul, seasoned from an unseen meat prepared
by butchers whose efforts sent such ghastly aromas wafting.  "Wretch," I
cried, "The Pirate hath lent thee - by these crooks he hath sent thee
torture - torture and unrelenting is my hunger that never is abating;
shall my hunger, this raging appetitie within me still continue that never
is abating?"

Quoth the Noone, "Felon, Thieves, Pirates, MP3s, Movies and More."

"Be those words our sign of parting, beast or fiend!" I shrieked,
upstarting: "Get thee back into the deepness and the desert's lonely
moor! Leave no stiff bristle as a token of that revelation thy soul hath
spoken! Leave my famine unbroken! - quit the carpet above my floor!
Take thy long, curling tongue from off my manhood, and take thy form from
off my floor!"

Quoth the Noone, "Felon, Thieves, Pirates, MP3s, Movies and More."

The Noone, slowly retreating, slipped out the floor in much the manner of
his greeting left a symbol of his stay in the damp diarrhetic spot that
lies there staining my carpeted floor. And suddenly realizing that this
demon beast couldn't have been very appetizing my hasty order finalizing
the Noone's fate to infinite absence, he being shook to the very core. And
my hunger deep within me that keeps my tears of gladness still streaming,
always hoping and never wanting shall continue, ah - Forevermore!

-- Roy Witt



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