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Skriven 2004-09-20 00:11:25 av FidoNews Robot (2:2/2.0)
Ärende: FidoNews 21:38 [06/09]: In The Snooze Ten Years Ago
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                   IN THE SNOOZE TEN YEARS AGO
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                 Traffic Violations Bureau
                    Winnipeg, Manitoba
                          Canada

My Dear Doctor Logger,

What a surprise to have arrived here in Winnipeg on the one day a year
that people actually go out of doors. This city almost certainly
possesses a climate that is overly mean even for this country, and has
reacted by burrowing underground.

I'm certain that there is no other burg on the planet that actually
prohibits pedestrians from crossing the street at its busiest
intersection. Here in Winnipeg, they've actually built earthworks that
resemble an 18th century fortress around the intersection, just in
case someone would be foolish enough to both be outside and attempt to
cross the street. Obviously, the city fathers were unaware that, once
every 20 years or so, there is an exception from the usual two weather
options, being: 40 below zero, or; huge swarms of insects. Needless to
say, Ms. LaBamba created something of a stir by insisting upon
crossing the street, and doing so while clad in her leopard-skin
Lambada dancing outfit.

Please advise Sylvia that there may be some correspondence forthcoming
from the Winnipeg Traffic Violations Bureau. Some people just have no
sense of humour. Did I mention that I could use a small sum of money
to bail out Ms. Labamba? Ten thousand or so, preferably in small,
unmarked bills would be most convenient.

Back to business. I must confess to having spent the last week
convinced that our beloved RC had passed on to his reward. Not a sign
of him anywhere, and believe me, I have searched in every massage
parlour, table-dance emporium, and cheesy watering hole on the
prairies. It hasn't been pretty.

I even detoured through a place called Gimli, which has a unique blend
of Icelandic, Ukrainian and Cree inhabitants, after hearing a strange
report of a huge windsurfing competition being held there. Naturally,
I went there because I felt it would have been a perfect place for an
RC to hide, and not to witness svelt, wet young ladies with butt-floss
bikinis riding windsurfers. But, sadly, there was no sign of the RC
there either. I did, however, partake in the cultural oddity of eating
perogies, served by a thick ankled, near-albino woman dressed in
feathers, in the "Valhalla" restaurant, which is tastefully decorated
in native mandallas. And they say Quebec is distinct. Go figure.

But finally, after all the searching and waiting, the RC appeared in
the most unlikely place - the regional echo which he 'moderates.'
Needless to say, it was heartening to see evidence that Rick "Weekend
at Bernies" Johnston was, in fact, alive. It was somewhat less than
heartening to see that his first message to his adoring grunt sysops
was a protracted paranoid whine that seemed to insinuate that dark,
evil forces are at work in preventing him from performing those highly
technical duties of distributing the nodelist and the 'snooze.

I think he must be right. In fact, I think the reasons for his many,
many absences, the erratic gunboat diplomacy that has led him to
defrock elected NCs, and now the inability to promulgate the regional
nodelists can only be explained by one thing -- The CIA.

I don't think that it's any coincidence that the Excited States of
Murrica is about to invade Haiti at the same time Region 12 is
undermined from within. If you don't believe me, do you think its a
coincidence that Mark Skaff has now returned to Net163 AND that it's
been proven that Elvis' body was actually a large, sweaty wax replica?
I didn't think so. I'll get to the bottom of this, Logger, I'm off to
Washington D.C. as soon as I rescue Ms. LaBamba and Sylvia resolves
the little matter of my Calgary travel expenses. (Honestly, as if I
was the first person to ever hire naked country line dancers. I needed
to witness the Western ambiance firsthand. So to speak.)

I also understand that net250's squabbles grow deeper, and, in order
to receive mail, various factions have now purchased satellite dishes,
which they waggle menacingly at one another. The Almighty has already
expressed His opinion of this occurence, by spiking a few zillion
volts into one of them via a Thor-like lightning bolt. As your
spiritual advisor, I'd offer up this incident as proof of divine
justice, and would suggest that you keep your inbounds land-lined.
Mind you, given the right weather, one can roast a chicken extremely
quickly with one of those dishes.

I'll report in from Washington posthaste.

Religiously Yours,

Rev. Richard Visage
Spiritual Advisor, Region 12


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