Text 620, 78 rader
Skriven 2004-10-04 02:04:59 av FidoNews Robot (2:2/2.0)
Ärende: FidoNews 21:40 [05/08]: In The Snooze Ten Years Ago
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                   IN THE SNOOZE TEN YEARS AGO
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Swamp Swine Magazine,
Shuckmagosh, Ohio

Dear Reverend Visage,

I am sorry to hear that you have been detained by passport control at
the Quebec border. I suggest that you explain that you are merely
returning to Ottawa to courier another $34 million dollars worth of
federal swag to our culturally paranoid brethren in the burgeoning
republic of poutine.

After much research I have discovered the reason why our ZC, Bob Satti
(cue the plague of locusts), has remained singularly uncommunicative
during his term. It seems that he has been locked in a conclave of
cardinals with the other ZCs where they have been sacrificing goats
and divining the entrails in an effort to choose a new IC. Their
deliberations were made more complicated due to the fact that they had
to find an appropriately weaselly exception to their beloved Bible:
PeeFour; before they could boot George Peace upstairs into the
position. Our prayers and our edible underwear should go out to them
for having attained Divine revelations. In region 12 we are reminded
that the ghost of Bob MacKay will hover over George Peace as a result
of Peace's Thomas a Becket, "Would that he were gone" efforts which
occurred when our region was slowly emerging from the malign
ministration of Fidodespots.

I advise caution, Visage, in using your various hard-earned Fido
titles appended to messages. It seems that the contused minds in
Net250 have determined that messages calling for the RC, Rick "Cocoon"
Johnston's nether bits on a platter, when signed using a Fidotitle,
are grounds for a policy complaint. Of course, in the socially
arrested environment of Net250, *everything* is grounds for policy
complaints and it has become such a happy hunting ground for the
litigious.

They have perfected a means of file attaching lawyers to each other in
their efforts to "prove" points. The most recent dwarf-like concern
arises over their net's purchase of a satellite dish. As an aside,
Visage, I fear they may be less than amused when they discover that we
have sold them the left cup of Mitsou's bustier but with the planetoid
beings' abysmal technical standards, it'll take them months to notice.

The only good news arising this week is the meltdown of the NHL
player/owner trough-wars. I am outraged, as would any average citizen,
that a rookie player should be compelled to accept a paltry $270,000
for chasing a small black rubber object over frozen surfaces, and that
journeymen players should be asked to put a freeze on the mere $47,340
per game that they have been offered. The news of the lock-out is
excellent because, in a moment of weakness, I had purchased season's
tickets to the games of the women's broomball team which the Ottawa
elflords had erroneously identified as the NHL hockey team: The
Senators. Watching their playing style has been about as exciting as
watching squid mate. (Note, I said "watching", and I realize that your
participatory endeavours in such activities may have added more
interest.)

I must go, Visage, your secretary has an evil snarl on her face and is
threatening to phone Bill Clinton to tell him that our office is the
next easily conquered Third World country. Her distemper has nothing
at all to do with the fact that I have spent her entire pension on
Glenlivet quality control testing. As a good and decent gesture,
Visage, I suggest that we offer her an all-expense paid vacation on a
Swedish ferry.

Regards,

Doc Logger,
Trout-on-Trent,
FlinFlon, Manitoba

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