Text 8661, 54 rader
Skriven 2007-12-23 10:37:39 av Michiel van der Vlist (2:280/5555)
     Kommentar till en text av Bob Ackley (1:300/3)
Ärende: Losing a child
======================
Hello Bob,

On Friday December 21 2007 05:33, you wrote to me:

 MvdV>> In 1978 my son Sebastiaan drowned in a pond, a week before his
 MvdV>> third birthday.  I have not forgotten but I have come to terms
 MvdV>> with it. The hard part is to accept that no matter what you
 MvdV>> will do and who you try to blame - yourself or someone else -
 MvdV>> the situation is irreversible and nothing is going to bring
 MvdV>> back the child.

 BA> I think it's similar with those who lose a close relative, such as a
 BA> sibling.

One can not really measure the one's loss against the other's loss. The meter
is at the end of the scale and the needle presses against the stop. When I say
losing a child is the worst that can happen I speak from personal perception
only. My wife died 11 years ago of sudden cardiac arrest at age 47. Fat too
young and it was a horrible experience. But despite the fact that it took me
longer to get my life back on track than after the death of my child, I stiil
say losing the child was worse. I was younger when it happened and more
resilient, so I revoderd in a shorter time.  But I still say losing the child
was worse. Just my personal perceptiom.

 BA> You have to learn to live with it, you don't have to learn to like it.
 BA>  FWIW, I lost my brother, both of my mother's parents (who lived with
 BA> us) and my mother at approximately 1 year intervals beginning in the
 BA> summer of 1973.

That must be hard too. Such a short interval does not give time to recover. My
grandparents are dead and so is my father. The all died at decent intervals.
And of course one expects to outlive one's parents and grandparents. And
siblings, one can expect to outlive half of them on average. But outliving a
child goes against the grain. It is not how it is supposed to be.

 MvdV>> If Natalee Holloway is still alive, she does not want to be
 MvdV>> found and if she is dead, nothing will bring her back. The
 MvdV>> parents of Natalee Holloway will have to come to terms with
 MvdV>> that. I think attempting to find someone responsible at all
 MvdV>> cost will just make it harder for them to accept their loss.

 BA> I think you're correct.  But some people just can't (or won't) come to
 BA> terms with the event; with others some adjust rapidly and still others
 BA> take years.

Accept and forgive is better than revenge.

That is what I admire about Nelson Mandele. He managed to do away with
apartheid without an outbreak of revenge.

Cheers, Michiel

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