Text 19095, 133 rader
Skriven 2011-05-18 17:08:01 av Lee Lofaso (1:323/120.0)
Ärende: Conspiracy Theories
===========================
Hello Everybody,

>RW>All of the crazy muslims and their Euro supporters would have liked
>RW>to see him in a court house. They'd also love to make him a living
>RW>martyr...
>RB>Living? I was thinking about pouring molten bronze over him and then
>RB>setting up the statue in Islamabad ;-)

RW>Better make that Amsterdam so MVL will have something to do besides
RW>coming up with conspiracy theories.

Conspiracy theories.  Hmmm.  The people who prove that no good deed
goes unpunished.  You know who they are.  I mean, it was all part of
a sinister plot by secret, powerful forces (headed by the MIB).
For the record, lemme tell you what really happened -

1. The raid to kill ObL was timed to distract from Obama's birth
   certificate.

If Obama's birth certicate was not forged, then why would Obama
release it just days before taking out Osama bin Laden?

Hmmm...

Those "birthers" might be on to something.  Especially The Donald.

I mean, nobody could be that rich and that stupid.  I mean nobody.
Besides, The Donald is a billionaire.  And that makes The Donald, by
definition, a co-conspirator.

Hmmm...

Especially when The Donald drops out of the presidential race barely
a week after ObL has been killed.

Hmmm...

Okay, okay.  So you think I am making all this stuff up.  I swear
I am not making any of this up.  It is all there on the Internet, for
anybody who knows how to google to see.

But no matter.  The birth certificate thingie was just a distraction
from another, much more evil conspiracy, which I'll get to later.

Hmmm...

2. Killing ObL was timed to boost Obama's poll numbers and ensure
   his re-election.

Notice the bump in the polls Obama got.  He is now unbeatable.
The only people mad at him now are Native Americans.  Code name
Geronimo.  What was Obama thinking?  Good gosh.  The least he
could have done is have the decency to name the operation Custer.

3. ObL's body being buried at sea in accordance with Islamic Law
   proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that Obama is a Muslim.

Think about this for a minute.  If Obama was a Christian, he would
have ordered ObL's head to be chopped off and set atop the Washington
Monument for all to see (after we dragged ObL's body through the
streets, of course).  Muslims around the world would have jumped for
joy at the sight, as they only get upset when somebody defiles their
holy book.

4. ObL has been dead since 2001.  The raid killed his body double.

The real body of ObL has been on ice for almost ten years.  How do I
know this?  Benazir Bhutto was assassinated right after having revealed
the truth, saying ObL had been killed.  Who killed her?  That should
be obvious to all.  ObL's son.  The one who got away.

Anyway, the SEALs killed who they thought was the real ObL.  I mean,
the body double was that convincing.  So convincing that even top
al-Qaeda members are convinced we killed the real ObL.  That's how
good the CIA is.  Because...

5. ObL is actually alive, and well, working in collusion with the
   CIA to plot another terrorist attack against the United States.

I bet you didn't know that.  Did you?  But it's true!  Not only is
ObL still alive (and well), but he is a CIA operative!  I know, I know.
The CIA will neither confirm nor deny.  But is it too far-fetched?  I
think not.  I mean, you are talking about folks who have transferred
the brain of a Nazi into the body of a fish.  I am not making that
up.  I seen it.  On a tv show called "American Dad".

Now you know why the body of ObL was fed to the fishies.  He is no
longer human, but a real live fish.  Really.  Obama said so.

6. The refusal of the Obama administration to release a photo of ObL's
   dead body proves we did not actually kill him.

The "deathers" are right, just as the "birthers" are right.  How
can you prove someone is dead unless you actually see the body?
Especially if the brain of the body has been transferred into a
fish?

I don't know about you, but whenever I attend a closed-casket
funeral, I demand the family of the deceased to open it up to make
damn sure they are not trying to pull a fast one on me.

Think about this for a minute -

Abraham Lincoln had a closed-casket funeral.
Nobody was allowed to view the body.
Not even his wife.
How do we know Abraham Lincoln did not fake his own death?

Jim Morrison had a closed-casket funeral.
Nobody was allowed to view the body.
Not even his common law wife.
How do we know Jim Morrison did not fake his own death?

Elvis Presley had an open casket funeral.
But the person inside the casket was not Elvis.
That person was Sebastian Half.
I read it on the Internet.
So it must be true.
Elvis is alive.

Many of these theories may seem absurd and somewhat contradictary.
But I assure you they can all be explained.  You just have to believe
me when I tell you I know what I am talking about.  I call it the
"Grand Unification Conspiracy Theory" - the theory that ultimately
drove Einstein nuts.  However, I'm not nuts.  At least I don't think
I'm nuts.  If I was nuts, I would not be able to explain myself.
Now, where should I begin?

--Lee

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