Text 19408, 108 rader
Skriven 2014-11-18 22:53:03 av Lee Lofaso (2:203/2)
  Kommentar till text 19379 av TIM RICHARDSON (1:123/140)
Ärende: True Nature of Man
==========================
Hello Tim,

 TR>> Your `opinion' and about 1 Mark-fifty will get you a bier in almost any
 TR>> gesthaus in Germany.

 JD>> You would have to find a Deutch Mark first, and then find a place
 JD>> anywhwere in the world that would accept it as payment.  They have Euros
 JD>> now ya know.  Check yer facts.

 TR>> But it ain't worth a hoot where the weather's concerned. German money or
 TR>> no!

 TR>> First of all...France hasn't won a war all by itself since Joan of Arc
 TR>> died!

 JD>> You mean Napoleon never won a war?  Check yer facts.

 TR> Napoleon was a Corsican, not a `Frenchman'. Corsica is an island in the
 TR> Mediteranian sea much closer to Italy than France. Its language is not a
 TR> dialect of French. Corsica is an island *owned* by France for some
 TR> centuries.

Lofaso was a Sicilian, not an `Italian'.  Sicily is an island in the
Mediterranean Sea, protected by a trinacia (a madwoman with three legs).
Its language is not a dialect of French, Italian, or any other language
of the known universe.  Sicily is an island *owned* by the people of
Sicily, gaining their independence when the dictator Benito Mussolini
was deposed by Russian partisans (secret agents on assignment under
direct orders from Joe Stalin) towards the end of WWII.

 TR> Napoleon studied in French military schools, led French armies, and even
 TR> took over the French nation as its emperor. He also led France into some
 TR> pretty disasterous war situations. The English, for instance, soundly
 TR> defeated him in two important battles; his plans to defeat the British
 TR> in Egypt were unsuccessful when Admiral Nelson defeated his forces in
 TR> what became known as `the battle of the nile'...and his plans to invade
 TR> England were destroyed by a naval battle called the `battle of Trafalgar'.

Lofaso has a statue in his honor at one of the local churches in Sicily.
He was undefeated in battle, his legend alone keeping Sicily safe from
the likes of Corsican madmen (such as Napoleon Bonaparte).

 TR> Plus...France was forced to give up much of Italy.

The King of France gave Sicily to my very distant multi-great-grandpa.
Or maybe it was a very distant multi-great-uncle, if one of my cousins
from California or New York is to be believed.  But no matter.  Dukes
and other nobles in Sicily gave up their titles long ago, as Sicilians
learned to do do things themselves, such as growing their own grapes
and making their own wine.

 TR> After some initial successes, one defeat followed another, and his
invasion
 TR> of Russia was his downfall. He surrendered to allied forces in 1814 and
 TR> went into exile on Elba.

That was a joke.  Napoleon laughed, as well as his men.  On
the island, he had lots of wine.  And he shared it freely with
his companions, knowing that help was on the way.

 TR> He returned for a short time

Jean Lafitte's half-brother, Dominique Youx, freed Napoleon from
exile.  After the Battle of New Orleans, Jean Lafitte gave Dominique
Youx the use of his ship, and allowed other privateers to travel with
him on that adventure.  Youx succeeded, and Napoleon gave him a very
handsome reward, paying him in gold coin.  Youx and his men returned
to New Orleans, where Youx remained active, holding office as a
local politician, and drinking in pubs in the French Quarer while
chasing as many skirts as could be found.

 TR> and was defeated again at Waterloo by the English and the Prussians.

Napoleon was accidentally killed by his wife, who mistook him for a
burglar at a party.  His body double took his place on the battlefield
at Waterloo, but was easily defeated.

 TR> His exile to St. Helena was the end of him.

Napoleon Bonaparte was dead before the battle of Waterloo.  His body
double was sent to St. Helena.  Dominique Youx had already received his
reward for having rescued the real Napoleon.  Jean Lafitte had found
a new ladylove in the Yucatan, and had no desire to return to his
previous occupation.

However, that was not quite the end of Napoleon Bonaparte, as the
pickled remains of his penis are on display at the Louvre.

 TR> Napoleon, a Corsican, had managed to kick the French in the pants and give
 TR> them some guts to fight. But it didn't last long, and in the end France
 TR> was lucky to still have its own borders intact.

The young Napoleon Bonaparte was a military genius.  Not so much the
elder Napoleon (and I am not talking about Waterloo, which was directed
by his body double).  Napoleon's best as a military commander was with
a small force of men rather than large.  Waterloo was fought with a
huge army of men, and not anything like the strategy the real Napoleon
would have used.

 TR> Napoleon win a war? He died in disgrace, in exile. Defeated.

Napoleon was accidentally killed by his wife who mistook him for
a burglar.

--Lee

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