Text 29044, 155 rader
Skriven 2015-11-15 07:45:06 av Lee Lofaso (2:203/2)
Ärende: Muslim Jokes
====================
Hello Everybody,

In light of what has happened in Paris, here is
a collection of Muslim jokes.  Reprinted with permission -


Q: When is it permissible to spit on a Turkish woman's face?
A: When her mustache is on fire.

                            -=-

A lady wants to rent out her basement out, the problem is that she
has a lifetime collection of used maxi pads stored in her basement.
The first guy that comes to see the basement is an Italian fellow.
The lady lets him see the basement. About ten minutes later the guy
comes out and says, "The basement is nice but there is a weird smell
down there."

The next guy, an Irishman, comes to see the basement and has the same
reaction.

The lady thinks to herself, "I'm never going to rent out the basement".

At that moment, a Muslim comes to the door and wants to see the
basement. He goes and in ten minutes comes out and says he'll rent
it. The lady was surprised and asked, "Didn't you find anything wrong
with the basement?" The Muslim replied, "No, but do you have any more
jelly rolls?"

                           -=-

A cannibal goes to his local food market and notices that a Jewish
brain sells for a hundred dollars a pound while a Muslim brain has a
price tag of over a thousand dollars per pound. So he asks the butcher
"Why is the Muslim's brain so expensive?"

The butcher replies "It's very simple, we need a least a dozen Muslim
brains to get one pound."

                           -=-

Ahmed the Muslim was working hard all day in the sun while his boss
(a Jew) was sitting in his air conditioned office all day and still got
paid four times as much as he did.

Eventually this got to Ahmed and so he went to the Jew and said, "Hey,
Boss, what is this, you sit in your office all day and I'm slaving away
outside in the heat and still you get paid four times more than I do?"

His boss replied, "Yeah, well, it's all about common sense."

Ahmed was confused, "Common sense?"

His boss said, "Yes, I have common sense and the company pays more
to people who have common sense. Come with me outside and I'll
demonstrate."

So the Jew went to the nearest tree, put his hand up against the tree
and told the Muslim to pick up a spade and hit his hand with all his
might.

Ahmed at first refused, but his boss assured him that he wouldn't get
fired and eventually Ahmed did as he was told, and obviously, the Jew
moved his hand before Ahmed could hit it.

"See: common sense," said the boss.

Impressed, Ahmed went back home to his village and decided to tell
everyone what he had learned while working for the Jew: "I have learned
common sense from my boss."

Everyone seemed impressed although they didn't really know what Ahmed
was talking about, so one man asked, "What do you mean, common sense?"

Ahmed said, "Let me demonstrate."

So he looked around for a tree, but the village didn't have any, so
Ahmed put his hand to his face and said, "Hit my hand with a shovel."

                             -=-

Q: What do you call a man who performs abortions on Muslim women?
A: A Crime Stopper.

                             -=-

A Frenchman was walking on a crowded street in Paris telling his friend
the most offensive Muslim jokes ever heard. I translated a few for my
American friends, and was asked how come the Frenchman wasn't afraid of
telling these very bigoted Muslim jokes in public, aren't there a lot
of Muslims in France? I replied that he had nothing to fear, it is a
rare thing to find a French Muslim who understands or speaks French.

                             -=-

A Muslim boy in Pakistan wants to impress his dad with something smart
he has done, so he tells him, "Daddy, instead of taking the bus today,
I ran after it to school so I saved 20 rupees.

The father isn't impressed: "You idiot! Had you run after a taxi you
would have saved 100 rupees".

                             -=-

A Muslim walks into a bar.

No-one survived the blast.

                             -=-

Spurred on by the attacks in Mumbai, Muslim terrorists have stormed
the streets of Paris and are shooting anyone who isn't a Muslim.

Police fear the death toll could be as high as 12.

                             -=-

Q: What's sad about a ferry with 100 Muslims sinking in Bangladesh?
A: The boat had a capacity of 1,500.

                             -=-

Q: What's two miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A Shiite Parade.

                             -=-
Q: What is the difference between a men's basketball team and Iraqi
women?
A: The basketball team showers after the fourth period!

                             -=-

Q: What's the latest Muslim invention?
A: A helicopter with an ejection seat.

(See more Muslim inventions here)

                             -=-

I keep hearing about all these Muslim teenagers being brainwashed.

Well, at least that's one part of their body that won't smell.

                             -=-

Well, that's it for now, folks.  Please feel free to post these
anywhere you want to.  And do not tell anybody where you found them.
I did not make them up myself.  And the idiot who posted them on the
internet swears he did not make them up, either.  So maybe, just maybe,
they are not jokes at all.  It could be they are all true stories ...

--Lee

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