Text 1010, 155 rader
Skriven 2005-02-01 13:15:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av CINDY HAGLUND
Ärende: 'Sex Accidents'
=======================
CH>  DC> any difficulty, but when he tried to remove it, the hairs on the stem
CH>  DC> of the flower had dug into the urethra and ripped it to shreds.
CH>
CH> This stuff for real David? Too bizzaree is right.

There are far worse, believe me, but much too indelicate even for in here, I
think!

CH>  DC> A policeman in Staffordshire returned home from a night shift to his
CH>  DC> wife preparing breakfast. For some unknown reason, he wrapped a slice
CH>  DC> of bread around his penis, at which point the dog leapt up and took a
CH>  DC> bite out of it. The man needed cosmetic surgery to restore the damage.
CH>
CH>  (That sounds like what my dog Patches would do!)

Does Tom know this?

CH>  DC> A 34-year old New Yorker injected a cocaine solution into his penis to
CH>  DC> heighten his sexual pleasure. After enjoying intercourse with his
CH>
CH>  Darwin award nominee forget what end his brain is at. (Brain is source of
CH> pleasure center.)

To get a Darwin Award, one must DIE (so as to utterly remove their DNA from the
running!)

CH>  DC> various parts of his  body with gangrene setting in. As a result he
CH>  DC> lost both legs, nine fingers and his penis.
CH>
CH>  If this is for real then this dope Darwin aawrd nominee here for sure.

If there's no way to extract sperms from his testes and thereby breed, then I'd
say he could get the Darwin Award even though he didn't die!

OJ:

Hospital stuff:


The Hygienist had E.S.P.

A woman had two kids, one right after another. She was
very stressed out, so her husband took her on a two week
vacation. A month or so after they returned, she went to the
dentist to have her teeth cleaned. After the cleaning, the
hygienist asked the woman if she had any news. The woman
replied that she had no news. So the hygienist asked,

"Are you sure?"

And again the woman responded, "Yes, I'm sure. I have no news."

"Well," commented the hygienist, "I'd like to be the first one to
congratulate you on your pregnancy."

The patient left crying, but then called the hygienist a few days later
to tell her that she was right.

Apparently, the woman's gums began to bleed during the cleaning just as
they did during her first two pregnancies.


The Delivery Room

My brother was in medical school doing his OB/GYN
rotation. From what he says, when a women gives birth,
everything else is pushed out in the process.

One night, a woman was in labor and her husband was by
her side. She was really pushing hard, when a smirk appeared
on the husband's face and he exclaimed,

"Congratulations, honey. You just gave birth to a 1 pound shit."

Without even a moment's hesitation, the wife responded,
"Great, honey. We'll name it after YOU!!"


Handyman Special

My friend Charley, a midwife with 20+ years of
experience, was floated to the adult ICU for the night shift
to assist the ICU nurse. It was a quiet shift and at 6 a.m.
she was bathing their only patient, who had been admitted
after coding in the ER the night before. A new patient was
being admitted, and Charley wanted to be prepared so she
pulled a Sears tool cart from the hallway into the room.
"What's that for?" asked the ICU nurse.

"In case he arrests," replied Charley.

"That's the electrician's cart," responded the nurse. "He was up here
earlier doing maintenance."

"I wondered why there was no defibrillator on top!!" said Charley.


Emily Street

A shy elderly spinster finally was coaxed by her family
to see a gynecologist. She came from a small town and lived
on a street with only 6 houses. As a matter of coincidence,
the gynecologist also grew up on that street The doctor,
however, had never met the patient before.

After much cajoling, the old woman got into position in
the stirrups whereupon the doctor sat at the foot of the
table. In an attempt to put the old woman at ease, the doctor
said, "I see you're from Emily Street."

The woman jumped up and angrily demanded how he knew that
from looking down there!!


A Little Lad Lie

As an optometrist specializing in pediatric eye care, I
often examine children who do not need glass but want them
anyway as well as children who do need glasses but do not
want them. One day, while attempting to get a valid visual
acuity on a 7 year old boy who wore glasses, I said, "I
bet you can read that middle line there."

The boy insisted that he could not read that line. I
continued to ask him if he was sure that he wasn't able to
read the middle line and finally he answered, "Sure, I'm
sure. I can't even read the 'T' or the 'H'."


A Little Help... Please

It was the end of my 12 hour shift, and I had spent an
hour trying to get the previous patient dismissed from the
computer so I could admit a new patient. As soon as I was
able to log in the new patient, I would finally be able to go
home. Since I had never worked on this computer application
before, I had to frequently ask for help. While I was working
away, the phone rang. In my frustration, I answered the
phone, "Subacute rehab, can you help me?" Whoever
was calling hung up.



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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