Text 1027, 142 rader
Skriven 2005-02-03 04:44:22 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Jokes in F UNNY....  3/21
=====================================
 GS>             WHY FISHIN' IS BETTER THAN MAKIN' LOVE

 Echo: Funny
 Date: 01-Feb-2005 13:26
 Subj: Jokes in F UNNY....  3/21
 George Pope replied IN a Message to GREG SEARS 

 GP> Q. How is golf like fishing?
   > A. Both can involve dropping hooks into water

 G-day  George Pope,

     A2: Both can cost you ~your~ gear with a bad line!

 GP> And, on the all-important topic of sex:

62 year old I C E-man goes into his doctor's office. "Doc, I want my sex
drive  lowered."  "Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 62. Don't you think
that you're 'sex  drive' is all in your head?"

"You're damn right it is!" replied the I C E-man.  "That's why I want
it  lowered!"


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

                  February 17, 1994,  News of the weird;
                            BY Chuck Shepherd

   - In the December Behavioral Neuroscience journal, researchers at
Rotterdam's Erasmus University reported that injecting a certain hormone
into young heterosexual male rats made them attempt to mate with males
each day at dusk but not at other times.

   - In December, Rory Thompson, 57, was granted a patent for a device
that permits viewers to see an ordinary color TV, or computer screen, in
three dimensions. Thompson developed the device in Risdon Prison
Hospital in Hobart, Australia, where he has lived for 10 years. He was
declared insane following a 1984 conviction for killing his wife and
flushing parts of her body down a toilet.

   - In January, several students in Keota, Okla., accused their
industrial arts teacher of forcing them to hold live wires as a way of
learning about electricity.

   - In December, Paul Hernandez, 56, died in Miami from head injuries
suffered 32 years earlier. Hernandez was part of the U.S.-backed "Bay of
Pigs" invasion of Cuba in 1961 and had suffered frequent seizures since
then as a result of a gunshot during an ambush by Cuban soldiers.

   - The Bangkok Post reported in October that several charlatan
physicians had performed at least 100 bogus penis-enlargement operations
recently in Thailand. The procedures involved injections containing a
mixture of olive oil, chalk and various substances to provide bulk. Said
a hospital official in the city of Chiang Mai, "I've even seen (victims'
penises containing) bits of the Bangkok telephone directory."

   - In July, Detroit dermatologist Dr. Duyen Faria told Gannett News
Service that his experimental project could help millions of Americans
with wounds that do not heal quickly enough. Faria transplants foreskins
from circumcized infants onto adult wounds instead of obtaining grafts
of the adults' own skin.

   - In December the Associated Press reported on research conducted by
James M. Dabbs, a psychology professor at Georgia State University, to
determine personality by examining hormones. Dabbs prefers using
hormones found in saliva rather than in blood because it is easier to
get subjects to spit. "Dr. Spit," as Dabbs is known, said he is a
pioneer in the field because other researchers might view working with
spit as "unseemly."

   - Neurologist Dr. Angelika Hahn of the University of Western Ontario
told the Associated Press in November that a genetic cause has been
found for "startle disease," which makes victims overreact when
startled, even to the point of becoming stiff and falling over. Because
victims are unable to break their falls, they are vulnerable to bone
fractures.

   - In July, research entomologist Gene Lamire of Naples, Fla., set up
the nation's first mosquito-trapping program that uses the tantalizing
fragrance of "cow's breath" as the lure. Building on research from
Africa, Lamire installed 42 traps containing the synthetic chemical
Octenol, which mosquitos evidently find irresistible. Within the first
month, "millions" of mosquito carcasses were found in the traps.

   - In a recent medical journal article, five Phoenix, Ariz.,
physicians reported the case of a 34-year-old man who manually forced a
ballpoint pen through his right eye in an apparent suicide attempt so
that only about one inch of it was sticking out. The physicians'
literature search yielded a dozen other cases of "self-inflicted,
nonmissile, penetrating, intracranial injuries," involving nails, a
steel spring, a hook pin and an awl.

   - In January in Montreal, Quebec, Judge Raymonde Verreault sentenced
a 37-year-old man to only 23 months in prison for a series of sexual
assaults from 1989 to 1991 on his stepdaughter, who was 9 years old when
the attacks started. Verreault, who is female, said the mitigating
factor for the light sentence was that the man had "spared the victim."
Said Verreault, because the assaults had been by sodomy and not "normal"
intercourse, "(the victim) retained her virginity, which seems to be a
very important value in their religion (Muslim)."

> OBJoke: for mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

  A young country girl came to town for a day.  She was window shopping
when a beautiful pair of red shoes caught her eye, and as she stood
admiring them, the clerk came out and asked if he could help her.
The girl admitted that she'd spent all her money but that she'd do
anything to get her hands on those red shoes.

  The clerk thought it over for a moment. "I think we can work out a
deal," he told her. "Go lie down on the couch in the back room."
Soon he came in and closed the door. "So do you want those shoes bad
enough to put out for them?" he asked.  When she nodded, he pulled
down his pants, exposing a hard-on about nine inches long.  "Honey,
I'll screw you with this big cock of mine until you squirm with
pleasure and scream in ecstasy and go wild with desire."

  "I don't get much of a kick out of sex, but go right ahead," said
the girl, spreading her legs and lying back.  Sure she couldn't last
long, the salesman started pumping away, but she lay there like a
dishrag.  Pretty soon he'd come twice and began to worry about
getting soft, so he started going at it for all he was worth.  Sure
enough he felt her arms go around his neck and her legs tighten
around his waist.  "Best f*ck you've ever had, right?" chortled the
man.  "In a couple of seconds you'll be coming like crazy."

  "Oh, no, it's not that," said the girl.  "I'm just trying on my new
shoes."



Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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