Text 1043, 78 rader
Skriven 2005-02-03 13:26:42 av Cindy Haglund (1:124/6308.20)
Ärende: Dilbert Quotes
======================
(AN explain for those of you who are not aquanted with "Dilbert" :)
Dilbert is a comic. You can go look at these for yousrelf at
comics.com and select "Dilbert". ) ((He's a computer programmer).

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking
for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type
managers. Here are the finalists:

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the
winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)

2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, UPS)

5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, 3M Corp.)

7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that
only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she
couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CEO of
Dell)

8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I
say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have
to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping exec, FTD Florists)

10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T )

11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This
is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo
mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would
be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have
waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark
Greeting Cards.)

13. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo
reviewing  our company's training programs and materials. In the body
of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical
approach" used by one of the training manuals. The day after I routed
the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR
director's office, and told that the executive vice president
wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told
that she wouldn't stand for perverts (pedophiles?) working in her company.
Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo,with her demand that I be fired
- and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly
reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made a
copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He
would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out
directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday
newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned.
In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by
pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)


--- PPoint 3.01
 * Origin: Up a Palm Tree (1:124/6308.20)