Text 1186, 96 rader
Skriven 2005-02-12 22:51:00 av George Pope
     Kommentar till en text av GREG SEARS
Ärende: Ha ha
=============
GS>   Did you ever consider that all water just might be recycled dinosaur
GS> urine?

Yum!

Here's an interesting article on water, that I gave as a speech once, and got
several people to sign a petition to ban it! *LOL*

(they,obviously, didn't realize that it was just WATER!!!)

And, common hazards. . .


         A recent Cincinnati Enquirer headline read, "Smell
 of baked bread may be health hazard."  The article went on
 to describe the dangers of the smell of baking bread.  The
 main danger, apparently, is that the organic components of
 this aroma may break down ozone (I'm not making this stuff
 up).
         I was horrified.  When are we going to do something
 about bread-induced global warming?  Sure, we attack tobacco
 companies, but when is the government going to go after Big
 Bread?
         Well, I've done a little research, and what I've
 discovered should make anyone think twice....

 01: More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread
     eaters.
 02: Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-
     consuming households score below average on
     standardized tests.
 03: In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was
     baked in the home, the average life expectancy was
     less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
     unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and
     diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever and influenza
     ravaged whole nations.
 04: More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed
     within 24 hours of eating bread.
 05: Bread is made from a substance called "dough."  It has
     been proven that as little as one pound of dough can
     be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American
     eats more bread than that in one month!
 06: Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit
     a low occurrence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's
     disease and osteoporosis.
 07: Bread has been proven to be addictive.  Subjects
     deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged
     for bread after only two days.
 08: Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user
     to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter
     and even cold cuts.
 09: Bread has been proven to absorb water.  Since the
     human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows
     that eating bread could lead to your body being taken
     over by this absorptive food product, turning you into
     a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
 10: Newborn babies can choke on bread.
 11: Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees
     Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in
     less than one minute.
 12: Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to
     distinguish between significant scientific fact and
     meaningless statistical babbling.

         In light of these frightening statistics, we propose
 the following bread restrictions:

 01: No sale of bread to minors.
 02: No advertising of bread within 1000 feet of a school.
 03: A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all
     the societal ills we might associate with bread.
 04: No animal or human images, nor any primary colors
     (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote
     bread usage.
 05: A $4.2 zillion fine on the three biggest bread
    manufacturers.

         Please send this e-mail on to everyone you know who
 cares about this crucial issue.
         Remember: Think globally, act idiotically.



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1                                                                 

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