Text 121, 87 rader
Skriven 2004-09-05 23:35:28 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende:     .....some old, some new: Jewish Humor
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Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out
Jack's Last Will and Testament. "To my dear wife Esther, I leave the
house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave
my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and
$250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health
is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bernie had a fight with Rachel, his wife, and went to the movies to cool
off. Later that evening, he decided to phone home to see what the
situation was and maybe even apologize.

"Hello, darling," he  said, "what are you making for dinner?"

"What am I making for dinner? After all the horrible things you said to me
earlier, you want to know what I am making for dinner? Poison, that's what
I'm making, poison."

Bernie replies, "Okay then, just make one portion, I'm not coming home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Miriam was dying and on her deathbed, she gave final instructions to her
husband Sidney. "Sidney, you've been so good to me all these years. I know
you never even thought about another woman. But now that I'm going, I want
youto marry again as soon as is possible and I want you to give your new
wife all my expensive clothes."

"I can't do that, darling," Sidney said. "You're a size 16 and she's only
a 10."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

A rabbi was called to a Miami Beach Nursing Home to perform a wedding. An
anxious old man met him at the door. The rabbi sat down to counsel the
old man and asked several questions. "Do you love her?"

 The old man replied, "I guess."

 "Is she a good Jewish woman?"

 "I don't know for sure," the old man answered.

 "Does she have lots of money?" asked the rabbi.

 "I doubt it."

 "Then why are you marrying her?" the rabbi asked.

 "She can drive at night," the old man said
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly Jewish man is struck by a car and brought to the local
hospital.

A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Epstein, are you
comfortable?"

Epstein replies, "I make a nice living."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A French guest, staying in a hotel called room service for some pepper.

"Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.

"Toilette pepper!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One Rosh Hashanah morning, the Rabbi noticed little ! Adam was staring up
at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the synagogue. It was
covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side
of it.

The seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the
Rabbi walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning,
Adam."

"Good morning, Rabbi," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque.
"Rabbi Resnick, what is this?"

Adam asked. "Well, it's a memorial to all the young men and women who died
in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque. Little Adam's
voice was barely audible when he asked:

"Rosh Hashanah or Yom Kippur?"
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