Text 1227, 96 rader
Skriven 2005-02-21 01:32:20 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende: What Kind Of Dick Are You Getting?
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What Kind Of Dick Are You Getting?

Miserable Dick:
This is when the guy is extremely handsome. He says the right things and
does the right things.  But when it comes to sex, he is sadly lacking.  He
sucks your tits too hard, kisses your mouth too long, stays around your
neck forever, fingers you like your flippin' gynecologist, licks your pussy
like it's a f***king race. He also has a small dick.  You try to give him
head, only to find you are sucking a pacifier. This is so miserable.  You
think, "How can a guy so fine and so polite be so weak?"  To top it off,
just when you've decided to try make the best out of this mess, even if you
have to make yourself cum, he beats you to the punch.

Damn Tolerable Dick:
This is a funny dick.  He eats major pussy. He eats it so good, your knees
feel a little weak.  It was good enough to make you shed a tear.  Then he
finally puts his dick in, and you realize that you can't even feel it.  His
stroke is off and non-rhythmic. You work with it, riding it as if you were
in a goddamn Wild West Movie.  You hold your pelvis real tight and try to
visualize the last big dick you had to get your mind off this less-filling
dick. It's funny because you know in his mind, he's thinking you just have
a huge cunt.

Internet Dick:
Online, they talk a damn good game, but you just never know what to expect
in person.  So you meet, and you f***. The dick is trash.  They talk the
bottom out of it, but that can't mask the blaring reality: This dick did
not make you cum.

Overwhelmed Dick:
We all can testify to this baby.  To be honest,
you misjudged this dick.  You saw some signs of weakness in this man. He
always caters to you, but hasn't really discussed what he'll do to you in
bed.  When you're making out, you notice his knees go weak. You hold out
and tease him.  By now, you already know what size dick you're dealing with
because you have either (a) already given him head, or (b) stroked it
through his pants.  You foolishly thought, "I am gonna give him the best
f*** he's ever had."  Then, he lays the SMACK DOWN on your pussy.  He has
you in a figure eight.  You are so overwhelmed, you can't even speak.  Your
whole pre-calculated f*** is down the drain.  He has more game than you.
He was like the damn Energizer Bunny; he kept going and going and you kept
c*mming and c*mming.  Now you look at him in a different light.

Punishing Dick:
This is horrible dick.  The guy you're dating takes all his frustration out
on your pussy.  If he has a bad day at work, he punishes your pussy.  If he
has bad service at the restaurant, he takes it out on your pussy.  If he is
pissed off at you, he tears your pussy UP. It's easy to tell if the guy
you're with falls into this category. He loves to talk when you're
f***king: "DAMN, AIN'T THIS SOME GOOD DICK?" "TELL ME YOU LOVE THIS DICK",
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY?",  "WHO'S PUSSY IS THIS?", "YOU LIKE IT WHEN I FUCK THIS
PUSSY, DON'T YA?"

Guilty Dick:
The dick you're getting from someone other than your man.  Ladies who have
cheated on their man "temporarily" say, "AMEN!" to this dick.  This is the
powerful brand of dick that makes you cry and confess to your man that you
f***ed his best friend.  Guilty dick makes you have to tell somebody.  It's
truly in a class of it's own. It makes you look and feel differently about
the dick at home. Guilty dick makes you have multiple orgasms.  Makes you
cry and not know why.  This dick is so intense, when it is being
administered, puts you in a trance.  He has a slow, long strokes, sweats on
you, asks you if you're comfortable a LOT.  You start at 6 PM and it's
going on 9 PM and he's not tired and hasn't even cum yet. Your pussy lips
are swollen, but it hurts so good. He licks your pussy as if he was a baby
cat licking warm milk; he savors it like you're the main course.  He smells
it like fine wine.  By now, you're in shock and have completely forgotten
about your man.  Guilty dick has at *least* two inches on your man.  When
you're back with your man, you wonder why he can't perform like Guilty
Dick.  You even get mad and instruct him to do what Guilty Dick did to you.

Pleasurable Dick:
This is good, convenient, easy dick.  Dick you call when you need a fix.
He gives you major head like Guilty Dick, and f***s you like Guilty Dick.
Only difference is, you don't have a man so you don't feel guilty.
Whenever you call, this dick is ready. His dick craves your pussy.  This
dick is available in any place at anytime.

Goddamn Dick:
This is dick that will definitely send you to hell if you're not married to
it.  This dick is just like Pleasurable and Guilty Dick.  It's anywhere
from 9.5 to 11 inches long and has *GIRTH*. This dick makes you numb, cry
and pray all at the same time.  While he is giving it to you doggy style,
you clench your eyes tightly and yell, "GODDAMN, THIS IS GOOD DICK!"

Cap'n Dick:
This is the gold mine dick.  This dick is the dick you can commit yourself
to.  You do not cheat on Cap'n Dick.  You *crave* it.  When you get this
dick, you go through convulsions. This is the dick that makes you ever
ready.  You call in sick to work for this baby. It's Overwhelmed Dick,
Pleasurable Dick, Guilty Dick and Goddamn Dick all in one.  It makes you
stutter.  This dick you want to insure, just in case. You lay back
afterwards and your mind is screaming, "I gotta call Mom and my
girlfriends!"
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