Text 1485, 269 rader
Skriven 2005-03-30 22:34:40 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
     Kommentar till en text av JAMES BRADLEY
Ärende: [2/2] last batch Texaco
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Q. Did You Hear About The Australian String Quartet That Is Visiting New
   Zealand At The Moment?
A. There Are Six Members!

Q. How Do You Get A Successful Small Business In New Zealand?
A. Start With A Successful Big Business!

Q. What Is Culturally Wrong With New Zealand?
A. They're All Half Sheep!

Q. What Is Geographically Wrong With New Zealand?
A. It's Above Sea-Level!

Q. What Is The Best Selling Adult Toy In New Zealand?
A. Inflatable Sheep!

Q. What Is The Capital Of New Zealand?
A. About $10!

Q. What Is The Difference Between Yogurt And New Zealand?
A. Yogurt Has A Living Culture!

Q. What Is 'The Silence Of The Lambs' About?
A. Child Abuse In New Zealand!

Q. Why Are All The Sheep Migrating From Australia To New Zealand?
A. They'd Rather Be Raped Than Shot!

Q. Why Are All The Walls In New Zealand One Meter Above The Ground?
A. So The Sheep Have Nowhere To Hide!

Q. Why Are Sheep In New Zealand Paraded Arse First?
A. So They Can Be Recognised By Their Owners!

Q. Why Do New Zealand Farmers Have Sex With Their Sheep On The Edge Of A
   Precipice?
A. So They Will Back Up Harder!

Q. Why Do New Zealand Horses Run So Fast?
A. Because They've Seen What The Farmers Do To The Sheep!

Q. Why Is New Zealand's Grass So Green???
A. Cos All The F**king Kiwis Are Standing On Ours..!

Q. Why Isn't There A U In Qantas?
A. Because Air New Zealand Has Them All!

Q. What Do You Call A New Zealander Who Moves To Australia And.Becomes And
   International Celebrity Through Movies, Music Or Sport?
A. An Australian!

Q. What Happens To The Average Intelligence Of The RESPective
   Countries When A New Zealander Moves To Australia?
A. They Both Go Down!

Q. What Do New Zealanders Call A Sheep In Their Back Yard?
A. A Ride On Lawn-Mower!

Q. What Do You Call Three New Zealanders On A Hill?
A. A Flock!

Q. Why Do New Zealanders Have Sex To Sheep On The Edge Of Mountains?
A. So They Push Back Harder!

Q. Why Do New Zealanders Have Sex To Sheep On Their Back?
A. So They Can Tongue Kiss Them!

Q. Why Don't New Zealanders Become Chemists?
A. Because They Can't Get Those Little Medicine Bottles In The Typewriter!

Q. Did You Hear About The New Zealander 500 Car Race?
A. The First Car To Start Wins!

Q. Did You Hear About The New Zealander Woodworm?
A. It Was Found In A Brick!

Q. How Are New Zealander Children Taught To Put On Their Underwear?
A. Brown In The Back, Yellow Up Front!

Q. How Do New Zealander Braincells Die?
A. Alone!

Q. How Do New Zealander Have Sex?
A. They Exchange Underwear!

Q. How Do You Keep An New Zealander Busy For Hours?
A. Give Him A Card With 'Please Turn Over' Written On Both Sides!

Q. How Do You Kill An New Zealander?
A. Smash The Toilet Seat On His Head While He Gets A Drink!

Q. How Do You Ruin An New Zealander Party?
A. Flush The Punch Bowl!

Q. How Do You Sink An New Zealander Battleship?
A. Put It In Water!

Q. How Do You Tell If An New Zealander Has Been In Your Fridge?
A. There Are Love Bites On The Leg Of Lamb!

Q. How Do You Tell Which Motorcycle Belongs To The New Zealander?
A. It's The One With Training Wheels!

Q. How Does An New Zealander Count?
A. '1, 2, 3, Another, Another, Another....'

Q. How Does An New Zealander Spell Farm?
A. E-I-E-I-O

Q. How Many New Zealanders Does It Take To Make Popcorn?
A. Four. One To Hold The Pot, And Three To Shake The Stove!

Q. How Many New Zealanders Does It Take To Play Hide And Seek?
A. One!

Q. How Many New Zealanders Does It Take To Shingle A Roof?
A. Depends On How Thin You Slice Them

Q. How Many New Zealanders Does It Take To Start A Car?
A. Five. One To Steer, One To Work The Pedals, Two To Push, And One
   To Sit Under The Hood Saying, 'Va-Rooom, Va-Rooom.'

Q. What Are The Three Most Difficult Years In An New Zealander'S Life?
A. Second Grade!

Q. What Are The Worst Six Years In An New Zealander's Life?
A. Third Grade!

Q. What Did The New Zealander Lady Get For Using Birth Control?
A. A Thousand Dollars From Crime Stoppers!

Q. What Did The New Zealander Say About New Zealander Jokes?
A. She Said They Were Pretty Good, But They Might Offend Some
   Puerto Ricans!

Q. What Did The New Zealander Think Moby Dick Was?
A. A Venereal Disease!

Q. What Did The New Zealander Write Home From Her Vacation?
A. 'Hi. Having A Great Time. Where Am I?

Q. What Do New Zealanders Say Before Picking Their Noses?
A. Grace!

Q. What Do New Zealanders Use For After Shave?
A. Mint Sauce!!

Q. What Do Four New Zealanders Have In Common?
A. Nothing They Can Think Of!

Q. What Do You Call A Group Of New Zealanders Sitting In A Circle?
A. A Dope Ring

Q. What Do You Call A Pimple On An New Zealander Ass?
A. A Brain Tumor

Q. What Do You Call An New Zealander At University?
A. The Caretaker!

Q. What Do You Call An New Zealander Lying Under A Wheel Barrow?
A. A Mechanic!

Q. What Do You Call An New Zealander Paratrooper?
A. Instant Air Pollution!

Q. What Do You Call An New Zealander With An I.Q. Of 176?
A. A Village!

Q. What Do You Get When You Cross A Pig And An New Zealander?
A. Nothing. There Are Some Things Even A Pig Won't Do!

Q. What Do You Get When You Cross An Ape And An New Zealander?
A. A Retarded Ape!

Q. What Do You Give The New Zealander That Has Everything?
A. Penicillin!

Q. What Do You Say To An New Zealander In A Three-Piece Suit?
A. Will The Defendant Please Rise!

Q. What Does An New Zealander Say During A Porno?
A. There I Am!!

Q. What Does It Say At The Bottom Of An New Zealander Milk Bottle?
A. 'Open Other End'

Q. What Does It Say At The Top Of An New Zealander Milk Bottle?
A. 'See Other End For Instructions'

Q. What Does It Say At The Top Of An New Zealander Step Ladder?
A. S T O P!

Q. What Goes 303, 304, 305, Hello Darling, 307, 308...???
A. An New Zealander Farmer Counting His Sheep..!

Q. What Happened To The New Zealanders National Library?
A. Someone Stole The Book!

Q. What Have You Gotten When You Line Up Ten New Zealanders Ear To Ear?
A. A Wind Tunnel!

Q. What Is 74 To An New Zealander?
A. 69 Plus G.S.T!

Q. What Is An New Zealander Cocktail?
A. A Glass Of Wine With A Booger In It!

Q. What Is An New Zealander Pencil?
A. A Pencil With Erasers On Both Ends!

Q. What Is Similar About UFO's And A Smart New Zealander?
A. You Keep Hearing About Them, But Never See One..!

Q. What Is The Biggest Advantage To Marrying An New Zealander?
A. You Get To Park In The Handicapped Zone!

Q. What Is The Difference Between A Chorus Line Of New Zealanders And
   A Magician?
A. A Magician Has A Cunning Array Of Stunts!

Q. What Is The Difference Between A Mosquito And An New Zealander?
A. When You Smack A Mosquito In The Head It Stops Sucking!

Q. What Is The Difference Between Good New Zealander Kids And Bad New 
   Zealander Kids?
A. Good New Zealander Kids Are In Medium Security Prisons!

Q. What Is The Leading Killer Among New Zealander Women?
A. Toxic Sock Syndrome

Q. What Was The New Zealander Skydiver's Misfortune?
A. His Snorkle Didn't Open!

Q. What Was The New Zealander Surgeon's Claim To Fame?
A. She Performed The World's First Successful Hemorrhoid Transplant!

Q. When Tarzan And Jane Were New Zealander, What Would Cheetah Be?
A. The Smartest Of The Three!

Q. Why Are The Japanese So Smart?
A. No New Zealanders!

Q. Why Are They Using New Zealanders Instead Of Laboratory Rats In
   Experiments Now?
A. New Zealander Breed Faster And You Don't Get So Attached To Them!

Q. Why Does It Take So Long For An New Zealander Baby To Be Born?
A. He's Looking For A Flashlight!

Q. Why Does The New New Zealander Navy Have Glass-Bottomed Boats?
A. So They Can See The Old New Zealander Navy!

Q. Why Don't New Zealanders Like Blow Jobs?
A. They're Afraid It'll Interfere With Their Unemployment Benefits!

Q. Why Is An New Zealander Like Australia?
A. They're Both Down Under, And No One Cares!

Q. Why Is An New Zealander So Quick On Their Feet?
A. Because They Spend Their First Nine Months Dodging Coat Hangers!

Q. Why Is It Good To Have An New Zealander Passenger?
A. You Can Park In The Handicap Zone!

Q. Why Is The Average Age Of The New Zealander Army, 40?
A. Because They Take 'Em Right Out Of High School!
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