Text 1543, 106 rader
Skriven 2005-04-05 07:11:16 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: F unny
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Dear Prospective Employer:

I am a starving student on the 2005 production line at Harvard Law
Factory. A recent examination of my aspirations has convinced me that I
must eat in the years to come.  The exorbitant sums paid by most legal
factories to summer associates fit in well with the modest goals I have
set for myself. Feel assured that I understand the responsibilities
incumbent upon a summer associate at your firm.  I am not at all
squeamish about milking our powerful corporate clients of their every
last cent by providing legal services of the calibre necessary to defeat
well-founded claims by victims caught in the corporate vice.  I have
learned much at Hahvahd.  I can promise that such human foibles as pity
will never interfere with my willingness to stretch the innocent on the
rack of legal trickery for the good of the client and its share-holders.

Although my parents lost their fortune in the 2001 stock market crash,
we have managed to retain our insultingly extravagant La Jolla mansion
by means of lies and trickery.  I have gained a deep admiration for
conspicuous consumption and hope to become an expert in the practice.
If I may quote the Bible, "You cannot serve both God and Mammon." (Matt.
6:24).  So why bother serving God?

I would be delighted to discuss further my background in a personal
interview. I am satisfied by my ability to demonstrate the amorality
needed to be a successful attorney, and the hunger needed to be a
successful and profitable hour biller with your factory.  I appreciate
the time spent reading this form letter and my "you've seen it all
before" resume.  I look forward to receiving a form letter with good
news from you soon!

Desperately, but cocksurely,

Jack Meoff, Jr.
enclosure
                     JACK MEOFF, JR.

School Residence                        Family Residence
666 Brattle St., #14                    99 Oversight Dr.
Cambridge, MA 02138                     La Jolla, CA  92123
(617) 123-4567                          (714) 321-9999

EDUCATION

HARVARD LAW FACTORY.  Juris Doctor will be awarded May, 1993.
     Grade Point Average:  3.  93/4.  00
     *Christopher Columbus Langell Scholar
     *Staff Member (redundant, huh?) Harvard Review
     *Founder, CRAP in '92 (Committee to Re-elect America's President)

DARTMOUTH COLLEGE.  Bachelor of Science, summa cum laude, awarded 1990.
     Grade Point Average: 3.  97/4.  00Class Rank:  3/1245
     Major:  Economic Assumptions         Minor:  Business Antics
     *Senior Thesis:  "The Rich:  How to Keep them that Way"
     *Editor-in-chief, "The Dartmouth Review"
     *President, Future Fascists of America

EXPERIENCE

WICHITA MUNICIPAL JAIL
Conspirator, Operation Rescue, 1991
     *Deprived numerous U.  S.  Citizens of their civil rights
     *Endured three nights of detention for flouting U.  S.  District
      Judge Patrick Kelly's injunction encouraging infanticide

SILVERADO SAVINGS AND LOAN
Personal Assistant, Office of Mr.  Neil Bush, 1990
     *Rubber-stamped numberless unsecured loans to family friends
     *Hid under rock with "sensitive" files when federal inspectors
      visited

EXXON CORPORATION
Intern, Legal Department, 1989
     *Collaborated in escape from liability for Exxon Valdez spill
     *Advised that Capt.  Hazelwood be publicly pilloried as drunk
      culprit

UNITED STATES SENATE
Intern, Office of the Honorable Jesse Helms, 1988
     *Authored bill to mandate a return to the values of the Middle Ages
     *Rigged spring-guns to "delay" Anti-life protesters at door
     *Bullshit official positions to constituents

INTERESTS

     *Money
     *Wealth
     *Riches
     *Treasure Trove

REFERENCES

Available for a modest fee



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