Text 1669, 79 rader
Skriven 2005-04-13 11:15:00 av Greg Sears
     Kommentar till en text av GEORGE POPE
Ärende: Good stories
====================
On Milky Way 04-03-05 (14:40) a story for GEORGE POPE:

FEMALE PRECOITIAL AGREEMENT:

I, the undersigned, agree that:

1. In the highly unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after
you've drunkenly rolled on top of me, as is entirely normal and in
accordance with the natural order of things, and pumped away for two
minutes, I shall politely fake one. It'll be a really good act too, with
me saying stuff like "Oh, you're so good, you're the best" and howling
like a cat that's being repeatedly jabbed with a compass.

2. Should your mother show me any photos of you as a child, like
those ones taken at your auntie's wedding where you've got a velvet bow
tie and a pudding-bowl haircut, I shall make no comment. Ever. Or even
look at you in a way that suggests they are all "funny".

3. I fully understand that a woman's main role in any
relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the
bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that - by some complex
scientific equation incomprehensible to woman - it will be my fault.
Even if I wasn't there. To demonstrate my understanding of this
principle, I will prepare your favourite meal or, in the event of not
being able to cook, take you out for a few pints at my cost.

4. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girlie chat, I
will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan
yak and that have discovered, contrary to popular belief, that size does
matter.

5. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.

6. After sex (which I will NEVER refer to as "making love"), I
will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor
will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face. Under no circumstances
will I attempt to start a conversation as you are dropping off to sleep.

7. I will never, ever give your penis a "cute" nickname. Any
references to this hallowed  appendage will be prefaced with words such
as "mighty", "huge" or "the thunderstick".

8. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel sexual
position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just
lie there, grinning.

 9. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and
inform you if any of them have the slightest bisexual tendencies. Then
I'll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have
to stay. I understand that video footage of such incidents is an
indispensable part of the experience and in the event that you do not
already possess one, I will acquire a video camera for you at the
earliest opportunity.

10. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your
friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day
meet. And if men attempt to chat me up, I will solemnly inform them that
you have "ruined me for other men".

11. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer
games, barbecues and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension
of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate
them, so you're in charge of the lot. Except for the iron, the Hoover
and the washing machine, of course.

Signed       ____________________________________

Date          ____________________

.    @@@@
.     0 0 Cheers,
.      )
.      O  I C E-man


 * SLMR 2.1a * George, beer kills brain cells <but> only the weak ones!

--- EzyQwk V2.01b005 00F90260
 * Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)