Text 1767, 171 rader
Skriven 2005-04-19 10:59:30 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
   Kommentar till text 1761 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Story
=============
On (18 Apr 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS>        <<< recent patented inventions >>>
 GS> * toilet lid lock (patent #3477070) to prevent unauthorized access to
 GS>   toilet bowl.

So far the only unauthorized access attempts are by my cat, and my
simply closing the lid keeps her out just fine!

 GS> * whisper seat (patent #3593345) toilet seat with acoustical liner to
 GS>   prevent sounds from being heard.

Hey, what if sometimes you're PROUD of your toilet sounds and you WANT
them to be heard?  (then those times you're worried, just run the tap in
the sink before sitting!)

 GS> * eyeglass frame with adjustable rearview mirrors (patent #3423150)

Okay, I need a pair!

 GS> * fluid-operated zipper (pat.#3517423)

Except I usually want the zipper open BEFORE there's fluid in the
region!

 GS> * power-operated pool cue stick (patent #3495826)

"8-ball in the corner pocket of JOE'S pool hall, across town!"

 GS> * carry-all hat (patent #3496575) a hat with a cavity for carrying
 GS>   cosmetics, jewelry, and the like.

Oh, fuck, like she don't have enough packed into her PURSE!!!

 GS> * simulated firearm with pivot-mounted whiskey glass (patent #3450403)
 GS>   pulling the trigger pivots the glass towards a person's mouth.

What's next, a cannon that lighting the fuse pivots a pint mug of beer
to your mouth?

 GS> * electronic snore depressor (#3552388) snore is detected and the
 GS> snorer
 GS>   is electrically shocked.

The manually-operated (non-powered) method of holding a pillow over
their face until the snoring stops is more permanent!

And let's not forget the greatest invention of all time. . .

The UNIVERSE!!!

               Frequently Asked Questions about Creationism


There has been a considerable call for a Creationist FAQ, which
doesn't seem to be forthcoming in any great hurry.  In the interests
of facilitating matters I have decided to jump the gun and provide
a provisional Creationist FAQ.  Regard this as a provisional effort;
I am not an expert in these matters and may have erred in a few small
details.  Criticisms and suggestions for improvement are welcome.
Speculations on my private life will be met with dignified silence.


Q: What is the principle evidence for Creationism?
 A: The Holy Bible, of course.  After all, is it likely that the author
    of the Universe would be mistaken about its age?

Q: But isn't the Bible religion and not science?
 A: Truth is truth.  It's a poor sort of science that ignores truth.

Q: But isn't there a lot of evidence for evolution?
 A: Not really, most of it is from university professors writing papers
    for each other.  If they didn't write papers they wouldn't have
    jobs.

Q: How big was Noah's ark?
 A: Big enough.

Q: But what about radioactive dating?
 A: Hey, everybody knows that stuff is bad for you.  Stick with good
    Christian girls.

Q: What about the fossil evidence?
 A: The real fossils are university professors writing papers for each
    other.

Q: Is there any other evidence for Creationism besides the Bible?
 A: Yes.

Q: Can you give us some?
 A: Yes.

Q: Could you give us a specific example?
 A: Yes.

Q: What is a specific example of evidence for Creationism?
 A: I've already answered that question.

Q: What about the Antarctic ice core data?
 A: Now I put it to you.  Coop up a bunch of men in a Quonset hut in the
    worst weather in the world, with nothing to do but gather data and
    drink, and what do you expect?

Q: Did the dinosaurs co-exist with man?
 A: Look, the liberals were preaching co-existence with the Communists,
    and you saw what happened to them.

Q: Should Creationism be taught along with Evolution in the schools?
 A: Creationism should be taught instead of Evolution in the schools.

Q: Doesn't the Geologic Column prove that the Earth is very old?
 A: The geologic column proves that some things are on top of other
    things and some things are underneath other things.  But we already
    knew that, didn't we.

Q: Hasn't Evolution been demonstrated in the laboratory?
 A: Students are demonstrating everywhere these days.  To their shame,
    many professors are demonstrating also.

Q: Aren't Hawaiian wallabies an example of Evolution in action?
 A: No.

Q: Why not?
 A: Because they aren't.

Q: What is a kind?
 A: A kind is cards of the same rank.  Thus 4 aces and a king are four
    of a kind, but four spades and a heart are not.

Q: Doesn't genetic variation indicate that life has been going on a long
   time?
 A: Let's be up front about this.  That's deviation, not variation, and
    yes, there is a lot of deviancy out there.  That just shows that
    there has been a lot of Sin since the garden of Eden.

Q: What about Neanderthal Man?
 A: Hey, you take one of those geezers and put him in tweeds and give
    him a pipe and he could be a professor anywhere.

Q: Some scientists state that the earth's continents are drifting
   around on top of a molten interior which has shaped life as we
   see it now.  Are they right?
 A: As you well know the Bible says that beneath the surface of the
    earth is Hell where there is eternal fires and brimstone.  If
    the continents appear to be moving around that is Satan's doing.

Q: Why do almost all of the scientists believe in Evolution?
 A: The real scientists don't.  As for the rest of them, that's a very
    good question, isn't it?

Q: Are you talking about a Satanic conspiracy?
 A: Did I say anything about a conspiracy?  You might want to think
    about the shape the world is in since the Evolutionists and the
    Liberal Humanists captured academia and Evolution is hand in hand
    with Godless Communism and crime in the streets but I certainly
    wouldn't want to say anything about a Satanic conspiracy.  I just
    want you to think about it with an open mind.



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)
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(I am the Bishop of ROM!)

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