Text 1846, 115 rader
Skriven 2005-04-27 15:57:10 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av Dave Coble
Ärende: F unny stories
======================
G-day Dave,

 A  guy goes to a girl's house for the first time,  and she shows him
into  the living room.   She excuses herself to go to the kitchen  to
make them a few drinks,  and as he's standing there alone, he notices
a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking
at it, she walks back in.
 He says, "What's this?"
 She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
 He goes, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
 She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

Then-----

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some  important
guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to
be  perfect. At the very last minute,  she realized that  she  didn't
have  any snails for this dinner party,  so she asked her husband  to
run  down to the beach with the bucket to gather some  snails.   Very
grudgingly he agreed.   He took the bucket, walked out the door, down
the steps,  and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he
noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little
further down the beach.  He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be
great if she would even just come down and talk to me?" He went  back
to  gathering the snails.   All of a sudden he  looked  up,  and  the
beautiful  woman was standing right over him.   They started  talking
and  she invited him back to her place.   They ended up spending  the
night  together.  At seven o'clock the next morning he  woke  up  and
exclaimed,  "Oh no!!!  My wife's dinner party!!!" He gathered all his
clothes,  put them on real fast,  grabbed his bucket, and ran out the
door.  He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment.  He ran up
the stairs of his apartment.  He was in such a hurry that when he got
to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were
snails  all down the stairs.   The door opened just then, with a very
angry  wife standing in the door way wondering where  he's  been  all
this  time.  He looked at the snails all  down  the  steps,  then  he
looked at her, then back at the snails and said: "Come on guys, we're
almost there!"

Then-----

How dogs and men are the same
Both take up too much space on the bed.
Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
Both are threatened by their own kind.
Both like to chew wood.
Both mark their territory.
Both are bad at asking you questions.
Neither tells you what's bothering them.
Both tend to smell riper with age.
The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
Neither does any dishes.
Both fart shamelessly.
Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
Both like dominance games.
Both are suspicious of the postman.
Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
Neither understands what you see in cats.

Then------

How dogs and women are the same
Both look stupid in hats.
Both can eat 5 pounds of chocolate in one sitting.
Both tend to have -hip- problems.
Neither understand football.
Both look good in a fur coat.
Both are good at pretending that they're listening to every word you say.
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Both constantly want back rubs.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
You can never tell what either of them is thinking.
Both put too much value on kissing.
Both can turn nasty if you mistreat them.

Then------

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car
breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the
night in a hotel.

The only hotel in the town has only one room available.

Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the
circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep
on the lounge and you have the bed. Nun: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten
minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold. Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He
does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)

Ten minutes later...

Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if
we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.

Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\      - O -   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... "Yield to temptation, it may not pass your way again." - I C E-man

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