Text 1946, 289 rader
Skriven 2005-05-03 08:01:44 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
Ärende: Bone
============
. o _ From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_) --=[ I C E-man's FUNNY BONE Collection Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III Page: 17
___ *
#hotsex on IRC ~* .'` _\
/ (o/
Online computer users often engage * | _\ *
in what is affectionately known as \ '==.
"cybersex". Often the fantasies * '.____\
typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone *
lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, ~*
one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript
of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of \O
cyber sex. Then again, maybe he does... * |\
_ _ /|
~0 (_| . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_) O |____\|___|
|(_~|^~~| |~~^|~_)| |`'-.:.-'`|
TT/_ T"T T"T _\HH |_.-':'-._|
jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ O|----:----|
/_|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like? \/|_.-':'-._|
\|----:----|
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt |`'-.:.-'`|
and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and |_.-':'-._|
perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look |----:----|
like? |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses |----:----|
and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought |`'-.:.-'`|
from Walmart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots |_.-':'-._|
of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me? O|_.-':'-._|
/_|----:----|
( Wellhung: OK \/|`'-.:.-'`|
(,) \|_.-':'-._|
|~~'~~| Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's |----:----|
| | soft music playing on the stereo and |`'-.:.-'`|
.--|_____|--. candles on my dresser and night table. |_.-':'-._|
'.___________.' I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. |----:----|
My hand works its way down to your |`'-.:.-'`|
_, crotch and begins to fondle your huge, |_.-':'-._|
.-'_| , swelling bulge. |----:----|
_| (_| _|\ .-. |`'-.:.-'`|
(_| (_| Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm ( : ) |_.-':'-._|
beginning to sweat. '-' |----:----|
.-. |`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and ( : ) |_.-':'-._|
kissing your chest. '-' |----:----|
.-. |`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. ( : ) |_.-':'-._|
My hands are trembling. '-' |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it |`'-.:.-'`|
off slowly. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The |`'-.:.-'`|
cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your O|_.-':'-._|
bulge faster, pulling and rubbing. /_|----:----|
\/|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and acci- \|_.-':'-._|
dentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I'll pay for it. )\_ _/( |`'-.:.-'`|
--=(__/^\__)==- |_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. |----:----|
I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising |`'-.:.-'`|
and falling, as I breath harder and harder. |_.-':'-._|
___ ___ |----:----|
/ _ \ _.-'_.' Wellhung: I'm fumbling with |`'-.:.-'`|
\____`-.____.-'_.-' the clasp on your bra. I |_.-':'-._|
`-. . \.-' think it's stuck. Do you have |----:----|
____.-'`__/-._ any scissors? |`'-.:.-'`|
/ _ .-'` '-._`-._ |_.-':'-._|
\___/ '-._'-. Sweetheart: I take your hand |----:----|
`"` and kiss it softly. I'm reach- |`'-.:.-'`|
ing back undoing the clasp. |_.-':'-._|
The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. |----:----|
My nipples are erect for you. |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and |----:----|
inspecting the clasp. |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to |----:----|
feel your tongue all over me. |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you |----:----|
know, breasts. They're neat! |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now |----:----|
I'm nibbling your ear. |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
\\\\\\// Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts |----:----|
\\\ \ are covered with spit and phlegm. O|`'-.:.-'`|
\\ <oo) /_|_.-':'-._|
\\C \ Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really. \/|----:----|
\\ __\ \|`'-.:.-'`|
/ _\':. Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm |_.-':'-._|
/ _\'..:. :. off my breasts with the remains of |----:----|
/ ': : : : :. my blouse. |`'-.:.-'`|
: ' :: : :. |_.-':'-._|
. : ' . Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping |----:----|
wet blouse from you. I drop it |`'-.:.-'`|
with a plop. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and |`'-.:.-'`|
rubbing your hard tool. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are |`'-.:.-'`|
cold! Yeeee! |_.-':'-._|
.--------------. |----:----|
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my \-. .-/ |`'-.:.-'`|
miniskirt. Take off my panties. \ \ / / |_.-':'-._|
\ \ / / |----:----|
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your `-'--'-` O|`'-.:.-'`|
panties. My tongue is going all over, /_|_.-':'-._|
in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute. \/|----:----|
\|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: What's the matter? |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. |`'-.:.-'`|
I'm choking. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: Are you OK? |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: Can I help? |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm |`'-.:.-'`|
fumbling through the cabinets, looking for ____ |_.-':'-._|
a cup. Where do you keep your cups? ,|`----`| |----:----|
((| | |`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of \| | |_.-':'-._|
the sink. | | |----:----|
'------' |`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, |_.-':'-._|
that's better. |----:----|
O|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover. /_|_.-':'-._|
\/|----:----|
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now. \|`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in |_.-':'-._|
the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. |----:----|
Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom? |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: I found it. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I |`'-.:.-'`|
want you so badly. O|_.-':'-._|
/_|----:----|
Wellhung: Me too. \/|`'-.:.-'`|
\|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately, |----:----|
our naked bodies pressing each other. |`'-.:.-'`|
_ _ |_.-':'-._|
.'_`\ .' `\ Wellhung: Your face is pushing |----:----|
(_( \ \ (_( \ \ my glasses into my face. |`'-.:.-'`|
\ \ \ \ It hurts. |_.-':'-._|
\ \ ____________\ \ |----:----|
\.'====. = .===='.\ Sweetheart: Why don't you |`'-.:.-'`|
(( ) ( )) take off your glasses? |_.-':'-._|
\\____//^\\____// |----:----|
'----' '----' Wellhung: OK, but I can't |`'-.:.-'`|
see very well without them. |_.-':'-._|
I place the glasses on the night table. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby! |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly O|`'-.:.-'`|
across the room and toward the bathroom. /_|_.-':'-._|
\/|----:----|
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover. \|`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling |----:----|
around for the toilet. I lift the lid. |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
_ Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your |----:----|
[_]| return. |`'-.:.-'`|
| ||.==. |_.-':'-._|
|_ ``""`) Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling |----:----|
jgs _) (_ around for the flush handle, but I can't |`'-.:.-'`|
find it. Uh-oh! |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: What's the matter now? |`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry |----:----|
hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, |`'-.:.-'`|
blindly feeling my way. |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on. O|`'-.:.-'`|
/_|_.-':'-._|
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my... you know... \/|----:----|
thing... in your... you know... woman's thing. \|`'-.:.-'`|
|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it! |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. |_.-':'-._|
I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I |_.-':'-._|
can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now! |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
;;, Wellhung: I'm flaccid. |_.-':'-._|
;;;-. |----:----|
';_ \ Sweetheart: What? |`'-.:.-'`|
\_) \_\ |_.-':'-._|
\_) Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incred- |_.-':'-._|
ulous look on my face. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my |_.-':'-._|
wiener all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see |----:----|
what's wrong. |`'-.:.-'`|
.-'<\ />'-. O|_.-':'-._|
Sweetheart: No, never mind. / \V/ \ /_|----:----|
I'm getting dressed. I'm putting | , : , | \/|`'-.:.-'`|
on my underwear. Now I'm putting | |\ : /| | \|_.-':'-._|
on my wet nasty blouse. | ||__:__|| | |----:----|
\_/ \_/ |`'-.:.-'`|
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squint- ~ ~ |_.-':'-._|
ing, trying to find the night table. |----:----|
I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair |`'-.:.-'`|
spray, picture frames and your candles. ,___ ,__ |_.-':'-._|
) `\ `\ |----:----|
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. ( _ '-._'-._ |`'-.:.-'`|
Now I'm putting on my shoes. )_( \____)___) |_.-':'-._|
|----:----|
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My |`'-.:.-'`|
God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain |_.-':'-._|
is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face. |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
( Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging |_.-':'-._|
__________ )\ off, you loser! |----:----|
/ /\{,} |`'-.:.-'`|
\_________\/`'` Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! |_.-':'-._|
Oh noooo! |----:----|
( . ) |_.-':'-._|
) ( ) O|----:----|
. ' . ' . ' . /_|`'-.:.-'`|
( , ) (. ) ( ', ) \/|_.-':'-._|
.' ) ( . ) , ( , ) ( . \|----:----|
). , ( . ( ) ( , ') .' ( , ) |`'-.:.-'`|
(_,) . ), ) _) _,') (, ) '. ) ,. (' ) |_.-':'-._|
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |----:----|
Sweetheart: <logged off> |`'-.:.-'`|
_ _ |_.-':'-._|
(_| . - ' - . _ . - ' - . _ . - ' - . |_) O |----:----|
| |^~~| |~~^|~_)| |`'-.:.-'`|
TT T"T T"T _\HH |_.-':'-._|
jgs^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |----:----|
_ _ |`'-.:.-'`|
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_) |_.-':'-._|
(_.===============================================._) |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
, A man showed some friends his apart- |_.-':'-._|
/( ___________ ment. One guest asked "What's that |----:----|
| >:===========` big brass basin for?" "That's the |`'-.:.-'`|
)( talking clock," answered the man. He |_.-':'-._|
"" jgs gave it an ear shattering pound with |----:----|
a hammer. Suddenly, a voice on the |`'-.:.-'`|
other side of the wall screamed, "Knock it off, it's O|_.-':'-._|
2 a.m., you idiot!" /_|----:----|
_ _ \/|`'-.:.-'`|
(_'-----------------------------------------------'_) \|_.-':'-._|
(_.===============================================._) |----:----|
|`'-.:.-'`|
Did you hear that many years ago, Italy almost beat the |_.-':'-._|
U.S. to the moon....... but they ran out of scaffolding. |----:----|
_ _
(_'------Suggest The Funny Bone To A Friend-------'_)
(_.===============================================._)
--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b005 00F90260
* Origin: Milky Way, Langley, BC [604] 532-4367 (1:153/307)
|