Text 1991, 105 rader
Skriven 2005-05-09 08:23:38 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Books
=============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's Oldy Goldies for CyberPope ]=--
. T> III                     Another try!

  Old Granny was eighty-seven and her health was very poor, but
she definitely would not consent to see a doctor.  Finally, her
granddaughter requested her family physician to come to the house and
examine her grandmother thoroughly.

  After the doctor left, Granny yelled for her granddaughter.

  "Sara," she said, "who in the world was that nice young
preacher?"

  "Well, I have to confess, Granny," said Sara, that was no
preacher....he was a doctor."

  "A doctor!" exclaimed the grandmother with great disappointment.
"Well, I thought he looked a little too familiar to be a preacher!"

Then ---------------------------------------

  A tourist stopped his car on a country road and asked a young
boy, "How far is it to Smithville."

  "Well," said the boy, "the way you are going, it's about 24,996
miles, but if you turn around, it's about four."

Then ---------------------------------------

  In the local school's Nature Program, the teacher was
introducing a unit on "The Five Senses."  The dialogue with the teacher
and the three-to-four-year-olds went thus:

  Teacher:  We have eyes for.....?

  Children:  Seeing!

  Teacher:  And a nose for.....?

  Children:  Smelling!

  Teacher:  And ears for.....?

  One Child:  Earrings!

Then ---------------------------------------

   Have you ever been driving down the road when suddenly a toll both
pops up from out of nowhere so you say to yourself, "damn, where did
this toll booth come from?"  So you fish under the seat for some change
and feel something odd and say, "hey, what's this?" and pull a fish from
out underneath the seat?  It's not an ordinary fish, of course.  I mean,
why would just an ordinary fish be under your seat?  How would it get
there?

   But anyway, there's this fish and you can't put it in the little cup
with the net around it at the booth since there's no way it'll fit.
Besides, it  would make the change box all slimy and gooey.  So you say
to yourself, "hey, self, what am I gonna do with this fish?"  I mean,
you can't just throw it out the window since there's a two hundred
dollar fine for littering.  And you don't want to put it in your glove
compartment because it's not a glove.  And you can't put it back under
the seat because it'll get in the way when you have to look for more
change.  You know?  So you're just driving down the road with this fish
resting on your lap... you have to put in in your lap since one hand is
going for some change under the seat, and the other has to be on the
wheel... but anyway, you're driving and find some change just as you
come to the little white and red striped gate and throw the change into
the net and it slides into the hole and the little green light with the
smily face comes on and the gate rises so you go through.  But you've
still got this fish on your lap that you don't know what to do with.
And you want to get rid of it, I mean, what if a police stops you?  How
are you going to explain a fish in your lap?  So you know you have to
get rid of it.  I mean, how would that look to your family and all your
friends when your name is printed in bold in the police blotter of your
local newspaper because you've been arrested for statutory rape of a
carp?  I mean, you know you didn't touch it, but you think the judge is
going to look at it that way?  No sir ree bob.  Sure, he's had his share
of fish in his car too, but he'd never admit his dark secret to anyone
and he has to make an example out of you.  I mean, could you blame him
if you were in his position?  He's a respectable member of the
community.

   But anyway, you've got this fish on your lap that you have to get rid
of before you get stopped.  So you try and think of some way to ditch
the fish.  Maybe leave it on a doorstep with a note that reads, "Dear
Sir or Ma'am, I'm a poor and humble soul and I regret that I can not
take care of my fish any longer. So I humbly beg of you to take this
fish and raise it as your own, so it may know the kindness of a good
family and a warm heart."  But then you realize that no one would take a
fish from under your seat as their own. I mean, why would they?  After
all, It's only a fish.


         ,-.___,-.
 Cheers  \_/_ _\_/
  from     )O_O(
   the    { (_) }
 I C E-man `-^-' DILLIGAFF

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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