Text 2074, 88 rader
Skriven 2005-06-03 10:41:50 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
Ärende: Pheremones
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Pheromones
by Robert Byron

Pheromones are the natural chemicals found in animals, including humans,
that the body uses to attract the opposite sex. Fragrances, such as
perfumes, are detected by the Olfactory Glands in the nose, The presence
of pheromones are picked up by the vomeronasal organ which is located in
the nasal pit directly under the nose. When the vomeronasal organ is
triggered by pheromones, it sends a signal to the brain that creates a
subconscious increase in desire for persons of the opposite sex.

So why am I telling you about pheromones? Well, I've been getting a lot
of junk email lately about miracle pheromone treatments that can help me
attract persons of the opposite sex. Honestly, I am happily married and
am not interested in attracting anyone to me other than my wife.
However, I didn't think that the makers of "Primal Instinct" needed to
know this fact when I sent them the following email:

Dear Sir/ Madam,

I recently purchased a bottle of "Primal Instinct," your most popular
pheromone product. At first I was rather impressed with the product as I
noticed that women were giving me more attention from the very first
time I used it. I am in the habit of joining my friends at a popular
nightclub on weekends and I was in the habit of always carrying my
bottle of "Primal Instinct" with me right up until a most unfortunate
incident that occurred last Friday night.

I decided to use a little more than my usual amount of the pheromone
product and the night started off well with several women asking me to
dance shortly after my arrival at the club. I decided to up the dosage a
little more and ventured to the men's room to do just that.
Unfortunately, the entrance to the men's room is a bit close to the sink
and mirror area and my elbow was bumped by another patron as I was
applying a liberal dosage of "Primal Instinct" to my neck region. As a
result, the entire contents of the bottle spilled down the front of me.

This is when the nightmare began. I attempted to go from the bathroom to
the bar by the straightest path, which just happened to be directly
across the dance floor. I reached the midpoint of the dance floor when I
noticed what seemed to be an odd glow emanating from all areas around
me. It was when I stopped in the middle of the dance floor that I
realized that the glow wasn't a glow at all but was the whites of the
eyes of seventy-five women. I realize now that I should never have
stopped walking.

The ensuing stampede was the most frightening thing I have ever
experienced. Women were coming at me from all sides and their intentions
were not to ask me to dance. They began ripping my clothes from me and I
was just lucky enough to be able to crawl out underneath them as they
converged into a tangled mass in the center of the dance floor.

I slipped outside without being detected but the prevailing winds were
evidently blowing towards the nearby women's college. As I walked home,
I could see the eyes of hundreds of women as they approached me through
a forest pathway. As cars would pass and their headlights shone on the
woods, it was like looking at a massive heard of deer. I picked up my
pace but that only made me sweat, causing me to leave a pheromone vapor
trail. It was like a fast motion version of "Night of the Living Dead"
except these women weren't interested in my brain. I was able to make it
back to my house but the scratching at the door continued for most of
the night.

When I purchased your product, it came with a money back guarantee if
not completely satisfied. I am dissatisfied but not because your product
attracted more women than I had anticipated and its not the fact that I
had to explain to my wife why five hundred women were scratching at the
door. I'm dissatisfied more or less because of the effects caused by my
wife getting a whiff of the pheromone stuff and letting five hundred
women into the house.

Please send one half of the refund to Mercy General Hospital. Send the
other half to George Garth, my divorce attorney.


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
<+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)
My Preferred Netmail address is: 1:153/307.11
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(I am the Bishop of ROM!)


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