Text 2129, 126 rader
Skriven 2005-06-15 07:13:06 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: F unny
==================
 GS> SOUTHERN we can recognize up there in the night sky.

Funny

 -=[13-Jun-2005 11:03, George Pope replied IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> Maybe you'all in the southern hemisphere ate al your crabs already,
   > shot all your lions, squashed all your scorpions, and fucked your
   > last few virgions (I heard that you Oceanians like to get 'em before
   > they enter high school!)

  G-day George Pope, your south is too north. The original story wasn't
                     the southern hemisphere, but the southern u.s.a. ;)


> OBJoke: for  our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

A motorway walks into a pub one day. He goes up to the bar and orders
himself a drink. He just sits down when in walks a strip of tarmac.

The motorway sees the tarmac and starts to panic so he jumps over the bar
and ducks down so it won't see him. The barman looks down at him and
says, "What's the matter with you? Why are you hiding? You've got six
lanes and two hard shoulders. Why are you frightened of a piece of
tarmac?

The motorway replies, "You don't know him like I do. He's a cyclepath."


> OBTest: for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")      The Parenting Test

How many times have you heard the comment that people have to take a test
to drive a car, but anyone can be a parent?  A test is needed.  And not
one with a bunch of Bozo questions like 'How many servings of vegetables
are required for a three-year old female living in Boise who walks 4.3
miles a day?'  No, this test will ask the real questions.  Are you ready
to find out if you have the right stuff to be a parent in the 90s?  Get
those number two pencils ready.  And let's keep our eyes on our own
papers, people.


Section One -- Mathematics

For each problem, estimate the total number of times this phrase is used
per parent per week.  (2 points per question)

1]  I don't care what the other kids get to do.
2]  ... and this time I really mean it.
3]  Somebody's going to get hurt doing that.
4]  See, I told you somebody was going to get hurt doing that.
5]  Now we're REALLY going to be late.
6]  One ... I'm counting ... two ... I'm counting ...
7]  Because I'm the Mommy (Daddy).
8]  Let's not discuss that at the dinner table.
9]  Why is your brother (sister) crying?
0]  Okay ... but only five more minutes.


Section Two -- Fill in the Blank

Write the correct word in the blank.  (3 points per question)

1]  Tickle Me ____________.
2]  101 _________________.
3]  The Berenstain _________.
4]  Clifford, the Big _________ Dog.
5]  _______________ Nuggets.
6]  _______________ Meals.
7]  Please won't you be my _____________?


Section Three -- Matching

Match each vocabulary word with its definition.  (4 points per question).

1]  Amoxicillin
2]  Legos
3]  Pull-Ups
4]  Push-Ups
5]  Tubes

******

A]  Small bits of plastic designed to accentuate any style of carpeting.
B]  Either a recreational device originally developed for hamsters, but
    since adapted for use by children in fast food restaurants OR that
    which is placed in ears when Letter "C" fails.
C]  A pink substance which is usually a regular part of a toddler's diet.
D]  A frozen food amazingly devoid of any nutritional value.
E]  A disposable article of clothing which one swears will only be
    necessary for a few more weeks.


Section Four -- Problem Solving

Briefly describe the solution to each problem.  (5 points per question)

1]  It is 8:50 a.m.  School starts at 9 a.m.  Where are your car keys?
2]  She says that he started it.  He says she started it.  Who's right?
3]  You are attempting to go to the post office with two very large
    packages, two very small children, zero very close parking places,
    and
    one frazzled parent.  How will you accomplish this?
4]  At 7 p.m., you must be at dance class with Debbie, Cub Scouts with
    Carl, and soccer with Susie.  Without any King Soloman maneuvers, how
    will this be done?


Section Five -- Essay

Answer the question and defend your choice.  (19 points)

Which of the 'Big V's' has made a bigger contribution to parenting?

Vacuum cleaners, 'Velcro' or the VCR



... >             ooo
... >            c| |
... >   __m_00_m__|_|__  Cheers, I C E-man

... >                     --spying with free beer at the wall for ALL.

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