Text 2223, 123 rader
Skriven 2005-06-25 03:04:20 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: F unny
==============
G-day Mate,

   A secretary went into the psychiatrists office and said, "Doctor,
there is a man in the waiting room who thinks he is invisible".  The
doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him right now".

Then -------------------

A businessman was aboard the redeye, when turbulence shook the plane,
causing the flight attendant to spill hot coffee in his lap. "I'm so
sorry, sir," the flustered flight attendant said. "Are you all right?"

"I think so," he replied. "But tell me, was that regular coffee or decaf?
"

"Regular," she replied

"Just my luck," he moaned. "Now it's going to be up all night."

Then -------------------


The house mother at UCLA heard some strange noises from a coed's room way
after lights out. She knocked on the door and said "Miss Johnson, Miss
Johnson! Are you entertaining in there?"

After a few muffled giggles, a demure voice shot back, "Just a moment
please, I'll ask him."

Then -------------------

Fearing  that she might be a hemophiliac, the prostitute went to see her
doctor.

"It's awful," she says.  "Every time I get even a small cut, it takes
days for the bleeding to stop."

"I see," said the physician.  "And how much do you lose when you get your
period?"

She thought for a moment, then answered, "About five grand."

Then -------------------

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini.  Very proud she
came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it.

"What do you think mom?" she asked.

Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would now be
5 years older."

Then -------------------

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town
and went to a bar.  He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink,
and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped down his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air,  an angry native
Indian stomped up to him and said, "One more remark like that and I'll
whip your butt!"

Then -------------------

Several nurses on break in the Boston General cafeteria were discussing
boyfriends, past and present. Suddenly, a nurse from New York City said,
"Well, I have discovered men are all alike!"

Whereupon, a pert little nurse from Dallas laughed and slapped the table.
"Gal," she said, "men are all Ah like, too!"

Finally -------------------

Stewart Finnigan hadn't seen his brother Shamus for a long long time.
Stewart still lived just outside Belfast, with his mother and some 20
sheep. Shamus had gone to Canada 20 years before to work with the
Canadian Broadcasting Company.

After a terrible spell of missing his brother, Stewart decided he would
fly to Halifax and see his brother for a week or two. So, he called
Belfast Air but was told a seat was $700 Irish Pounds. Stewart was
amazed, but he had an idea, since as he had heard babies could go on for
free. He said to the lady on the phone, "Can I get a discount because I'm
only 4 foot 4 and only weigh 8 stone."  The lady replied, "I'm sorry Sir,
but a seat is a seat.  Size doesn't matter."

A few days later, his friends found Stewart wallowing in a glass of Ale.
He lamented his story to them and they decided it was time to find a
solution to their small friend's problem.  So they called Belfast Air and
inquired about the cost of sending cargo to Canada. They were told the
cost would be $5 Irish Pounds for every "stone" of weight. They asked
about size restrictions and were told the package couldn't be more then 6
feet high and 4 feet wide or long. They had found their solution.

The next day, they found their little buddy at the same Pub but with a
different glass of Ale. They explained what they had done and a smile
appeared on Stewart's face.

The next day, Cargo Handlers at Belfast Air were loading a barrel onto an
aircraft. On the barrel, was a label:

To:
Shamus Finnigan
Halifax, Canada

From:
Friends of Finnigan
Belfast, Northern Ireland

Contents: Irish Stew


    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
##############################

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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