Text 2249, 134 rader
Skriven 2005-06-28 07:03:48 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: F unny
==================
 GS> A businessman was aboard the redeye, when turbulence shook the plane,
   > causing the flight attendant to spill hot coffee in his lap. "I'm so
   > sorry, sir," the flustered flight attendant said. "Are you all right?"
   > "I think so," he replied. "But tell me, was that regular coffee or decaf?
   > "Regular," she replied
   > "Just my luck," he moaned. "Now it's going to be up all night."

Funny

 -=[26-Jun-2005 21:10, George Pope replied IN a message to GREG SEARS]=-

 GP> To which she replied, with a questioning wink, "Oh, really? We have a
   > LAYover cumming up at the next airport!"

  G-day George Pope, to that he asked "will you be on My flight_deck?"

 GP> More on flying. . .

DAVID HELFGOTT LANDS PLANE SAFELY

(Reuters) -- Airline pilot David Helfgott, who's life story was told in
the inspirational movie "Fly," landed a Boeing 747 safely today at La
Guardia International Airport, with only minor injuries to passengers.

The plane bounced three times while touching down, and one wing scraped
the ground and burst into flame, while the rest of the plane slid into a
terminal window, but there were no other reported problems.  Helfgott
had recently crashed two planes in landing attempts.

"We're so thrilled," said one passenger, a woman who was taken off on a
wheelchair after the landing.  "My husband and I were on the other two
flights, too.  He did such a good job landing this time, and his story
was so inspirational."

Helfgott has made his aviation comeback after a nervous breakdown in
1975 that the film blamed on his father's nasty and brutal attitude
toward him.  Intensive therapy has reportedly cured Helfgott, and his
handlers say he is ready to fly again.  All his flights are sold out
weeks in advance.

But it wasn't always smooth sailing -- make that flying.

His first flight after his comeback ended in disaster when Helfgott
entered the plane through the rear door and sat down in the back row and
tried to "fly" the plane by humming along with the engines.

After being escorted to the cockpit by a flight attendant -- to the
cheers of supportive passengers -- he managed a successful takeoff, only
to crash moments later when, apparently thinking himself finished, he
got up and switched off all the controls.

A second flight also fared poorly when he came into the cabin while his
DC-9 was 30,000 feet over the Atlantic Ocean and opened all the doors
"to get some fresh air."

Despite some negative comments from fellow pilots, Helfgott's press
agent says he's as good a pilot as John Hodiak.  Hodiak, who doesn't
exist, could not be reached for comment.

A CD-ROM simulator game, "Fly With David Helfgott," has been a hit, with
20,000 copies sold so far.  Also reportedly in the works are a "Fly At
Home" instructional video and a line of parachutes.

> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

AIRLINE PILOT'S TO DO LIST

Reread flight manual, especially part on 'How to Take Off'

When talking to passengers on P.A, act like you know what you're talking
about.

Invite buxom blonde passenger into cockpit; let her sit on your lap, and
explain to her why they call it a cockpit.

Take peanuts for layover.

Before opening cockpit door, remember to put pants on.

Buy Binaca for 'peanut breath'.

After dinner and drinks, get stewardess cornered in hotel room.

Ask if she would like to know why they call it a cockpit.

Take peanuts for ride home.

Copyright 1996, ComedyZine, Inc., All Rights Reserved.


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

CANADIAN BAREBACK BIKE RIDE A NO-NO

WINNIPEG -- A radio station contest that catapulted modern-day Lady
Godiva Lee McDonald to brief fame was in breach of broadcast standards,
says an industry regulatory body.

In the contest last March, McDonald, 18, brought morning rush-hour to a
gawking standstill when she rode a bicycle in the nude along Portage
Avenue, one of Winnipeg's main streets.

The stunt breached the Canadian Association of Broadcasters' code of
ethics "on the grounds of public disturbance or inconvenience," the
Canadian Broadcast Standards Council ruled yesterday.

"It is perfectly obvious to the council that a nude woman -- or, the
council assumes, a nude man -- cycling down the principal avenue of one
of the nation's largest cities could reasonably be expected to
constitute a distraction for drivers," the council ruled.

The council also objected to comments by radio personalities that
focused on the rider's nudity and were "degrading to her as a woman."

Morley Calahan, program director, said the station would abide by the
council's ruling -- by reading a prepared statement by the CBSC on the
air, and refraining from similar stunts in the future.

Calahan said the station has moved on to other promotions, but that he
didn't disagree with the ruling.

McDonald has moved to Calgary and could not be reached for comment.


    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
##############################

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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