Text 2281, 226 rader
Skriven 2005-07-05 10:40:50 av George Pope (1:153/307.11)
     Kommentar till en text av Greg Sears
Ärende: F unny
==============
On (04 Jul 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS>    > gives it a complete examination and say "I can't find a thing
 GS> wrong
 GS>    > with it". The man says "I know!! Fucking beautiful, aint it??"
 GS>
 GS> F unny way for a joker to buy/con/recieve pecker_coments! EH. '-)

What the hell, our doctors are free here!

 GS>   At the 10-pin bowling lanes how come all the balls with the large
 GS> finger holes are all colored hot pink? And why do all the large men's
 GS> shoes have pink laces?

This is what happens when you go to San Francisco to bowl!
(PS if you drop your ball/pencil/scoresheet, DON'T bend over to pick
them up! Kick them all the way home, and THEN pick them up!)

 GS>   Do you think whoever invented bungee jumping watched a lot of Road
 GS> Runner cartoons?

either that or he was a smartass who wanted a comeback when his dad
asked him,"if all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"

 GS>   How can you have an activity break?

If you had my life, you'd know!

 GS>   How come rodeos never have cow riding events for women?

Because that'd be redundant? *G*

 GS>   How come when we go for a walk we never bring one home? And if we

Bring one WHAT home?

 GS> where would we keep it? Would you tell someone who was about to take a
 GS> walk 'Take one of mine I have plenty'?

Nah, I only lay that when they're gonna take a shit ("well, don't
take one of mine, I've only got 3 left & the weekend's coming!") (thanks
to George Carlin for that line!)

 GS>   How do you throw away a boomerang?

The same way you respect an accordian -- IN PIECES!

 GS>   If a martial artist stuck their hands in their pockets could they be
 GS> arrested for carrying a concealed weapon?

Only in the USA, I hear, but his lawyer would get the charge reduced to
"public indecency"

 GS>   If half-trained lawyers are called paralegals and half-trained
 GS> medics
 GS> are called paramedics what does that say about parachutists?

Seems obvious that these would be half-trained marksmen -- English isn't
your first language, is it, son?

 GS>   If we're thinking of not doing something because we'll hate
 GS> ourselves
 GS> in the morning why don't we just plan on sleeping till noon?

Worked for me & my last 8 girlfriends!

 GS>   If you can't get in trouble for doing it would it be fun?

see above.

 GS>   If you can't hear a pin drop is there something wrong with your
 GS> bowling?

There's a problem with the Deaf Bowling League!

 GS>   Isn't skiing just for people who can't break their legs around the
 GS> house?

They should have kids, and a 2-storey home!

They'll be breaking their legs in no time (not necessarily saving any
money, as it'sa toss-up which costs more, kids or a ski lift pass!)

 GS>   Shouldn't skydiving really be called Ground diving since you dive
 GS> toward the ground and not up towards the sky?

What about when you bounce?

 GS>   What was the first parachutist thinking when he jumped out of the
 GS> plane? And do you think he really jumped on his own accord?

Drill Sarge says to the reluctant diver: "Either you jump now or I'm
going to fuck you up the ass with my 14" black dick!"

He was relating this story to his wife, who asked, "So did you jump?"

"A little, " he admitted, "at first."

 GS>   When a skier breaks his leg why does he always seem to exclaim with
 GS> such surprise that he was just on his 'LAST RUN'?

Same reason why when you search for something, you always find it in the
last place you check?

 GS>   Why do sky-divers wear helmets? Do they really think they will do
 GS> any
 GS> good?

Identification.

 GS>   Why do some people think it's fun to have nothing to do? Wouldn't it
 GS> be
 GS> a lot more fun to have lots to do and then not doing it?

Yeah, but my wife gets rather irate at this attitude of mine!

 GS>   Why do you always drop your X-Acto knife onto your foot when you put
 GS> a
 GS> new blade in it?

I don't!  I sell it to Dumbya's teyrists!

 GS>   Why is it that every time I subscribe to a magazine for two years, I
 GS> get a renewal notice in six months?

I dunno, but whenever I sign up for 3 free magazines, I get an invoice
before I see 3 magazines!

 GS>   Why is it that you never see dust on a dirty magazine?

Because sperm is a natural dust repellant?

 GS>   Why should we pay outrageous prices for ski trips when we can just
 GS> stick our faces in the freezer and fall down on the kitchen floor?

Hey, great idea!  I've always wanted to ski!

And, as to water-skiing, one can always give one's self an enema while
someone throws a bucket of water in one's face!

but, then, the enema isn't taking place at 35MPH, so it's not quite the
same!

 GS> PET PSYCHIC:  HORSES ARE BIG WHINERS

That's spelled "winners"!

Coupla more on equines. . .

        O horse, you are a wonderful thing;
        No buttons to push, no horn to honk;
        You start yourself, no clutch to slip;
        No spark to miss, no gears to strip;
        No license buying every year,
        With plates to screw on front and rear;
        No gas bills climbing up each day,
        Stealing the joy of life away;
        No speed cops chugging in your rear,
        Yelling summons in your ear.
        Your innertubes are all O.K.
        And thank the Lord, they stay that way;
        Your spark plugs never miss and fuss;
        Your motor never makes us cuss.
        Your frame is good for many a mile;
        Your body never changes style.
        Your wants are few and easy met;
        You've something on the auto yet.

                                        Author unknown
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  A Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small
  Texas college and said, "I would like to donate a million
  dollars tax free to this institution."

  The president's eyes opened wide and he said, "That is a
  kindly notion, sir.  We will be pleased to accept it."

  "There's a condition. I would like to have an honorary degree."

  "No problem," said the president.  "That can be arranged."

  "For my horse," said the Texan.

  And now the president got to his feet in shock."For your HORSE?"

  "Yes, my mare, Betsy.  She's carried me for many years and I
   owe her a lot.  I would like to have her receive a Tr.D.,
   a Doctor of Transportation."

  "But we can't give an honorary degree to a horse."

  "I'm sorry to hear you say so, because in that case I can't
  give you a million dollars."

  "Well, wait a minute," said the president, sweating profusely.
  "Let me consult the board of trustees."

  The board was convened in a hurry and listened to the story
  in various grades of shock and disbelief, all except the oldest
  trustee, whose eyes were closed and who seemed asleep.

  One trustee expressed the general opinion, "We can't give a
  horse an honorary degree, no matter how much money is involved."

  At this point, the oldest trustee opened his eyes and said,
  "For God's sake, take the money and give the horse his degree."

  Said the president, "Don't you think that would be a disgrace to us?"

  "Of course not," said the oldest trustee.  "It would be an honor.
   It would be the first time we ever gave a degree to a WHOLE horse."


Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
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