Text 2369, 146 rader
Skriven 2005-08-09 05:03:26 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: F unny
==================
 GP> On (07 Aug 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS> The Blonde Stewardess

FUNNY 
     :: George Pope Put A SMILE on Greg Sears's  DIAL #[:-)]
     :: While reading "F unny"

 GP> Oh, good!  All is working now!

YUP.......... ALL is lookin/reading good again CyberPope! '-)
                  until the next/this one dies?


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Walk the Walk

A man was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard.

Suddenly the light turned yellow just in front of him.
 
He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have 
beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.
 
The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, flipped him the bird while 
screaming in frustration that she missed her chance to get through the 
intersection because of him.
 
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up 
into the face of a very serious police officer.
 
The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.  He took her to 
the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, 
and placed in a cell.
 
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.  
She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was 
waiting with her personal effects.
 
He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake.  You see, I pulled up behind your
car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you,
and cussing a blue streak at him.
 
I noticed the "Choose Life" license plate holder, the "What Would Jesus Do" 
bumper sticker, the "Follow Me to Sunday School" bumper sticker, and the 
chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.
 
 
Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

Golf and Its Mysteries

 
 1. Winston Churchill:"Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a cow
 pasture."
 
 2. Jack Benny:"Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice
 round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf."
 
 3. Lee Trevino:"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my
 ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work."
 
 4  Unknown:"Golf is not a game, it's bondage.  It was obviously devised
 by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins."
 
 5. Babe Ruth:"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball.
 I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
 
 6. Lee Trevino:"Columbus went around the world in 1492. That isn't a lot
 of strokes when you consider the course."
 
 7. Lee Trevino:"I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew
 tomatoes, they'd come up sliced."
 
 8. Sam Snead:"These greens are so fast I have to hold my putter over the
 ball and hit it with the shadow."
 
 9. Paul Harvey:"Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and
 write down five."
 
10. Tommy Bolt, about the tempers of modern players :"They throw their clubs
backwards, and that's wrong. You should always throw a club ahead of you so
that you don't have to walk any extra distance to get it."
 
11. Tommy Bolt:"Putting allows the touchy golfer two to four opportunities
to blow a gasket in the short space of two to forty feet."
 
12. Jimmy Demaret:"Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy
without being good at."
 
13. Jack Lemmon:"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up
the wrong golf ball."
 
14. Lee Trevino:"If you're caught on a golf course during a storm and are
afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron.  Not even God can hit a 1-iron."
 
15. Unknown:"Fifty years ago, 100 white men chasing one black man across a
field was called the Ku Klux Klan.  Today it's called the PGA Tour."
 
16. John Updike:"Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child.  Just how
child-like golf players become is proven by their frequent inability
to count past five."
 
17. "Silk Stockings" TV Show:"The people who gave us golf and called it a
game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music."
 
18. Gerald Ford:"I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that
during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose."
 
19. P.G. Wodehouse:"The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed
short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
 
20. Bob Hope:"If I'm on the course and lightning starts, I get inside fast.
If God wants to play through, let him."
 
21. Ken Harrelson:"In baseball you hit your home run over the right-field
fence, the left-field fence, the center-field fence. Nobody cares.
In golf everything has got to be right over second base."
 
22. Chi Chi Rodriguez:"The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous
I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life."
 
23. Chi Chi Rodriguez:"After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me
to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand
wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye."
 
24. Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume,
temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club
recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards.
His caddie said: "I'd say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir."
"A  3- iron or a wedge?" asked Bolt. "What kind of stupid
choice is that?" "Those are the only two clubs you have
left in the bag, sir." said the caddie.
  

   _\|/  @@@@
     @~ / 00 \   Cheers,
     | ( \__/ )  I C E-man.
      \ \__U_/

... George Pope. . . . Said that 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2?

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 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)