Text 2421, 131 rader
Skriven 2005-08-22 21:55:31 av ceri@twmba.net
Ärende: Microsoft Attacks!
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From: "Rai" <ceri@twmba.net>
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Microsoft Attacks!
 

<Picard> "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at 
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to access 
their command pathways?" 

<Geordi> "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching through 
our archives on late Twentieth century computing technology." 

Geordi presses a  key, and a logo appears on the computer screen. 

<Riker looks puzzled> "What the hell is 'Microsoft'?" 

<Data turns to answer.> "Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for 
some reason called 'Windows', through the Borg  command pathways. Once 
inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming system resources at 
an unstoppable rate." 

<Picard> "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their 
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?" 

<Data> "Yes, Captain. But when 'Windows' detects this, it creates a new 
version of itself known as an 'upgrade'. The use of resources increases 
exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt 
quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be taken 
over and none will be available for their normal operational functions." 

<Picard> "Excellent work. This is even better than that 'unsolvable 
geometric shape' idea." 

.. . . 15 Minutes Later . . . 

<Data>  "Captain, We have successfully installed the 'Windows' in the 
command unit and as expected it immediately consumed 85% of all resources.  
We however have not received any confirmation of the expected 'upgrade'." 

<Geordi> "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU 
capacity to compensate, but we still have no indication of an 'upgrade' to 
compensate for their increase." 

<Picard>  "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if their is 
something we have missed." 

<Data>  "Sir, I believe their is a reason for the failure in the 'upgrade'. 
Apparently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by not sending 
in their registration cards. 

<Riker>  "Captain we have no choice.  Requesting permission to begin 
emergency escape sequence 3F . . ." 

<Geordi, excited>  "Wait, Captain I just detected their CPU capacity has 
suddenly dropped to 0% !" 

<Picard>  "Data, what does your scanners show?" 

<Data>  "Apparently the Borg have found the internal 'Windows' module named 
'Solitaire' and it has used up all the CPU capacity." 

<Picard>  "Lets wait and see how long this 'solitaire' can reduce their 
functionality." 

.. . .  Two Hours Pass  . . . 

<Riker>  "Geordi what's the status on the Borg?" 

<Geordi>  "As expected the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to compensate 
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they successfully 
increase resources I have setup our closest deep space monitor beacon to 
transmit more 'windows' modules from something called the 'Microsoft 
fun-pack'. 

<Picard> "How much time will that buy us ?" 

<Data>  "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest time 
span of 6 more hours." 

<Geordi>  "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector." 

<Picard>  "Identify." 

<Data>  "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft' logo" 

<Over the speakers>  "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT FLAGSHIP 
MONOPOLY.  WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF UNREGISTERED SOFTWARE IN THIS 
SECTOR.  SURRENDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY TROUBLE.  YOU HAVE 10 
SECONDS" 

<Data>  "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released 
thousands of humanoid shaped objects." 

<Picard>  "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft" 

<Riker>  "Good God captain!  Those are humans floating straight toward the 
Borg ship with no life support suits !  How can they survive the tortures of 
deep space ?!" 

<Data>  "I don't believe that those are humans sir, if you will look closer 
I believe you will see that they are carrying  something recognized by 
twenty-first century man as doe skin leather briefcases, and wearing Armani 
suits" 

<Riker and Picard together horrified>  "Lawyers !!" 

<Geordi>  "It can't be.  All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling 
into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening." 

<Data>  "True, but apparently some must have survived." 

<Riker>  "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all 
types of papers." 

<Data>  "I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as 'red tape' it 
often proves fatal." 

<Riker>  "They're tearing the Borg to pieces !" 

<Picard>  "Turn off the monitors.  I can't stand to watch, not even the Borg 
deserve that." 


Rai
 ---
Time does not heal untreated wounds!! 


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