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Skriven 2005-09-05 08:03:44 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Björn Felten
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WHAT TO KNOW ABOUT SNOW -- GET MY DRIFT?
By Robert Kirby, The Salt Lake Tribune, December 2, 1999

He's coming.  When he finally shows up, it won't matter whether you have
been naughty or nice, you will be sorry.

I'm talking about Old Man Winter.  If you thought I was talking about
Santa Claus, it's probably too late for you already.  You lack the
proper focus for winter survival.  You might as well lie down and freeze
to death right now.

Pay no attention to your local weather forecaster.  Sooner or later,
it's bound to snow for real.  Not only that, but the air will turn
colder than Bob Dole.  When it does, all sorts of bad things start
happening, including falling down a lot.

Also, never mind what the ski resorts are saying.  If you own a home or
drive a car, winter is not your best friend.  Neither am I, but I do
have a list of things you need to think about before the Greatest Snow
on Earth tries to hurt you.

First, understand that there are three kinds of snow.  In layman's
terms, simply think of them as soft snow, heavy snow and #@&*! snow.

Soft snow is light and airy and constitutes little threat.  Skiers call
it powder.  They like it because doing a high-speed face plant in powder
does not automatically lead to reconstructive surgery.  You'll like it:
You can get rid of it with a leaf blower.

Heavy snow is worse because it has a high moisture content.  A cubic
foot of heavy Utah snow contains more water than the average Egyptian
sees in a lifetime.  Getting rid of it with a snow blower is like mowing
wet cement.

Finally, there is #@&*! snow.  This is really only snow in theory.  It's
actually more of a mineral.  And as with most minerals, a lot of #@&*!
snow in one place becomes something called a rock.  Getting it off your
driveway requires the use of dynamite.

Too much of any of these types of snow is bad.  Unless, of course, you
own a ski resort.  Then you feel bad because you can't get any kind of
snow in July.

To effectively cope with the three basic snow types, you need several
items.  Don't bother getting a pencil and paper.  I shall list them
here.  However, you may wish to apply for several additional credit
cards.

The basic snow removal item is a shovel, preferably a shovel designed
for the job.  Moving snow with a round-nose shovel is a waste of time,
unless of course you have time to kill and a spare heart.

Next up the line from the shovel is the snow blower.  Unfortunately, you
can't put a snow blower in the trunk of your car.  Also, many snow
blowers are priced such that a heart attack is much cheaper.

Ice-melt granules are a handy item.  However, use only certified
ice-melt stuff.  The use of regular rock salt is effective, but
sometimes too effective.  Come spring, you may find your driveway has
melted, too.

The best snow removal device on the market today is a flamethrower.
Even the most ice-bound driveway can be cleared in a matter of seconds.
But be careful.  The slightest slip and you could end up with a smoking
hole where your house used to be.

Contrary to popular local opinion, prayer does not work very well when
it comes to snow.  If it did, all the wailing from the ski resorts would
have brought on a new ice age by now.

Cheers,
       __o          o__      o__      o__      o__     There's one
     _ \<,_        _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   in every
    (@)/ (@)      (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@)  crowd....
...I C E-man.

... Here's some fun:  Walk into an antique shop and say, "What's new?!?"

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