Text 2483, 104 rader
Skriven 2005-09-05 08:20:00 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av Oscar Waghorn
Ärende: F unny
==============
BLACK HELICOPTERS IN THE SKIES OVER CANADA
By Bill Hall, Lewiston, Idaho Tribune, November 3, 1999

I looked out the window of our hotel in Vancouver, B.C., and saw
something that made my blood run cold -- a black helicopter.  Now we
know where they come from -- Canada.

I have to admit I once scoffed at those apparent hysterics who swore
mysterious black helicopters had invaded the American West, preparing to
take control for the United Nations or maybe the New World Order or
possibly even Rotary International.

(Did you ever wonder about the "International" in the Rotary Club's
name?  And helicopter and "Rotary" could be a lot more than a
coincidence.)

I originally thought the black helicopter fears were all paranoia,
stirred up by the kind of politicians and people who see a conspiracy
behind every bush (and I don't mean George W. or his old man).

Normally, there are two kinds of people who dream up conspiracies --
people embittered by too many reverses in their lives who can't believe
so much could go wrong except by design, and people with so little real
trouble in their lives that they have to dream up imaginary problems
because they can't stand the boredom of an easy life.

So I admit I tend to chuckle at most of these conspiracy theories.  But
in truth, I did actually see a black helicopter right here in this town
a couple of years ago.  I looked up in the sky one day and there it was
-- that big, bulbous, bumble bee-looking thing, making that
characteristic whuff-whuff-whuff sound.  And it was as black as the
basement of hell.

I almost ran to the nearest Idaho congressional office in search of
sanctuary.  Some members of the Idaho congressional delegation
specialize in comforting people who have been wigged out by black
helicopters.  They humor us and tell us they have seen them too.

But about the time I was ready to break and run, the chopper circled
around and revealed itself -- a lumber company timber cruising
helicopter that had been backlighted by the sun when I first saw it.  (I
might suspect the threat of a coming takeover of America by lumber
companies but that has already happened.)

The chopper in Canada the other day was different.  It was black from
any perspective, backlighted or fully illuminated by the Canadian sun.
In other words, it was brazen, not afraid to reveal itself.  It was
flying high in the sky over Vancouver -- proudly, for all to see.  It
wasn't popping up quickly over a nearby ridge, traveling like a banshee
at tree-top level and then disappearing in an instant over the next
ridge -- the way some of the mountain boys around here have reported.
There was no stealth, no attempt to elude detection, no effort to muffle
that tell-tale whuff-whuff-whuff.  That could only mean one thing:

It was Canadian, out in the open in its own national sky.  If the black
choppers were United Nations or New World Order or Rotary International,
they would be sneaky in Canada the same as here.  But they weren't.  So
now we know:

The Canadians are preparing to invade the United States.  The black
helicopters our hillbillies have observed with their keen mountain
senses are scouts.  They are the first wave, the tenderizers setting us
up for Canada to have this country for lunch.

But hardly anybody believes the mountain people yet.  So the Canadians
still have the element of surprise on their side.  With that advantage,
we could all be living under Canadian rule by early in the next
millennium (if the Y2K bug doesn't kill us all first).

Ours would become a far different life under the heel of people as
naturally vicious as the Canadians.  Where once proud eagles circled
over our heads we would live with the din of black helicopters.  "God
Bless America" would be replaced by the ominous new song of
"Whuff-whuff-whuff."

We could soon be drinking Canadian beer at gunpoint.

Citizens of this former country could find themselves in military
stockades for saying "about" when they have been ordered by their
Canadian masters to say "aboot."  And anyone who doesn't end every other
sentence with "Eh?" will be in big trouble.

Worst of all, we could be compelled to take French Canadians into our
homes and endure their insults to all who speak English.  In fact, it is
inconceivable that Canada would go to all the trouble of conquering this
country and not try to dump those Quebec egomaniacs on us.

I have been to Canada.  I have seen the future with my own eyes.  I have
heard the black helicopters with my own ears.  I have smelled the
Canadian version of foul English cooking.  And I bring you sad news, my
beloved fellow Americans:  The Canadians are coming.

Whuff-whuff-whuff.

Cheers,
       __o          o__      o__      o__      o__     There's one
     _ \<,_        _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   in every
    (@)/ (@)      (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@)  crowd....
...I C E-man.

... Here's some fun:  Walk into an antique shop and say, "What's new?!?"

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