Text 2489, 86 rader
Skriven 2005-09-05 08:23:18 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av WAYNE CHIRNSIDE
Ärende: F unny
==============
Two years ago I worked as a counsellor in an inner city elementary
school. One staff member, a Vancouver police constable, was a member of
my team. She was very popular with the students for two reasons: she was
the only person in the school allowed to carry a gun, and she always had
an unending supply of chewing gum.

She always carried lemon flavoured gum that had enough powdered citric
acid to dissolve the teeth of all the Grade One and Two students. These
children were always roaming about the school with their front teeth
out. Wads of this yellow colored stuff carpeted the gym floor dissolving
the varnish. Once, during a floor hockey game, an opposing player fell
on a particularly fresh pile carpet of gum. The fire department had to
use the Jaws of Life to get him out.

The constable came to the school three times a week to maintain her high
profile. Once, she wanted to talk to me about a teenager who might be
guilty of placing graffiti on the walls, but she had something to do
first. She had a fresh supply of lemon gum to dispense before attending
to the less important duties. As usual, twenty gum-hungry students
milled about waiting for an impending treat.

She passed out the gum, and warned the children about safety issues.
"What are you going to do with it when you're finished?" she asked. "Are
you going to swallow it?" "Noooo." said the children. "Are you going to
spit it on the floor?" "Noooo." "Are you going to spit it in the
toilet?" "Noooo." "Are you going to stick it on your nose?" "Noooo.""Are
you going to stick it up your nose?""Noooo." "Are you going to throw it
in the garbage?" "Noooo."

Suddenly a child's hand reached up and touched the wooden handle of her
side arm. From then on the conversation took a different tone. It's too
bad.  I enjoy the occasional stick of gum, and after this demonstration,
I have no idea of the politically correct method of disposal.

I especially enjoy a stick of gum immediately before teaching my fitness
classes. It's part of my psyching technique. I get rid of those pre
class jitters by concentrating on the flavorful production of saliva.
Even after ten years of teaching, I still worry about whether my class
will somehow fail. My main worry concerns running out of saliva during
the cardio in a manner that makes my tongue feel like the sole of an
athletic shoe. It's hard to communicate cues to my eager participants
when my tongue feels like a used Nike part in my mouth.

Some instructors actually teach while chewing gum. I think this is
setting a bad example. First, it looks bad - especially when the gum
falls out in the middle of a verbal cue. Do you pick it up and put it
back into your mouth, or do you just leave it where it lies for the
janitor to clean up at some later date? If you choke on it, do you trust
your participants to perform the Heimlich Maneuver?

I always get rid of my gum before the class begins. Whether the
constable likes it or not, I always put it in the garbage. I wish I
could say the same about some of my participants. This morning I had a
class of fifteen. Seven chewed gum. That could be seven opportunities to
practice my First Aid and CPR. This is good. Statistics show that most
attempts at CPR are unsuccessful. If I had seven chances to practice, I
might become a CPR expert. I already made a note to remind participants
of the dangers of gum chewing in class. Here's what I'll say:

TEN REASONS NOT TO CHEW GUM IN CLASS

10. You'll get a false sense of security that you have more spit than the
    instructor.
9.  You might choke on it.
8.  The instructor doesn't know the difference between CPR and the
    Heimlich Maneuver. He'll            use CPR to ‘cop a feel.'
7.  It'll lose it's flavour before the class ends.
6.  Bubbles are distracting.
5.  Everyone will want some.
4.  There are no places to put it when it becomes stale.
3.  Blowing bubbles are distracting to the instructor.
2.  Everyone will complain that you're not popping your gum in time to
    the music.
1.  The instructor will make you stick it on the end of your nose and
    stand in front of the class.

Cheers,
       __o          o__      o__      o__      o__     There's one
     _ \<,_        _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   _.>/ _   in every
    (@)/ (@)      (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@) (@) \(@)  crowd....
...I C E-man.

... Here's some fun:  Walk into an antique shop and say, "What's new?!?"

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