Text 272, 92 rader
Skriven 2004-10-04 23:51:04 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
Ärende: THE INSURANCE CLAIM
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This letter is to cover many claim questions at one time. For some reason
your organization balks at paying any claim until I have sent you a letter
stating that I'm not going to sue another party, if the condition was pre-
existing or if there is another insurance company you can milk before you
pay our claims. I will be providing all information that is needed for all
claims pending, including a few that have not been submitted because they
just occurred within the last week, and to make sure that all is taken care
of, I will sign with a notary present in blood taken from my youngest
offspring's' scabbed over big toe.

My son was playing basketball at school and was pushed from behind by
another child (see spawn of the devil) and he needed emergency room
treatment. This included x-rays to rule out fractures. He required
stitches, which will leave him scarred for life, not only physically but
also emotionally, and to this day he hyperventilates when he sees a
basketball. We cannot seem to find the brat who caused this to demand
financial restitution. According to him (via obviously borrowed cell phone)
he lives in a ravine off of I-95, parentless with only Pokemon cards to
offer as payment for the injury he caused my poor little boy.

One son was hit in the head by his own brother (see grounded for life) in
our backyard and he again needed emergency room treatment. I believe that I
saved us both time and money by taking those stitches out myself. To sue
would be silly because I doubt I could get my money's worth out of Harry
Potter's Books and puppy mangled tennis shoes, especially since I bought
them in the first place.

Our son was in our bathroom last Friday, when a sibling (see grounded for
4.5 lifetimes and anti depressants for Mom) pounded on the bathroom window,
subsequently breaking it, causing him to receive a cut on his thumb that
was only rivaled by the Grand Canyon in width. He required stitches to his
thumb as well as a trip to McDonalds on the way home to make him feel
better. He was also prescribed medication for infection, which he didn't
take until infection actually did set in. The DR who stitched him up was
obviously inebriated and my son, already deprived of a basketball career
due to the previous injury might be destined to a shack in the woods
writing about his childhood traumas while singing along with Britney Spears
"Baby do it to me one more time." Still thinking about suing the sibling
who did this, but might be willing to settle for baby-sitting. As you know,
discussing this any further might hurt our chances in court, so please
accept this as explanation in full.

The perpetrator of the above mentioned thumb stitching, having felt that
her brother deserved a good warning for tattling on her for throwing his
towel in the kiddy pool, (which, I, the mother, ignored completely, as I do
most of their tattling) causing her to break the bathroom window while he
was in there, also sustained cuts that she was seen for at the same time as
the victim. Funny, as fate would have it, she barely needed a band-aid. She
required no medication and was forced to eat a hamburger sans the cheese
because it made me feel better to torture her by depriving her of cheese.

Just last Friday, one of our sons was seen at a local clinic for pink eye.
(see Mom heading for a padded cell in the local mental ward) He was
prescribed medication for this, which the dog ate when we got home. Turned
out to not be pink eye after all, but the dog sure got sick. Neither the
dog or my son have any other insurance coverage.

My 3 year old daughter was playing outside in the backyard and she and the
dog collided causing her to fall down and break her leg. (see mom on
sedatives) She was treated at the hospital where they made us wait forever
and a day to splint it and send us to an orthopedic DR. The dog, while
physically unharmed, is now in therapy to deal with the guilt she feels as
my injured daughter scoots around on the floor like a crawdad with hair.
This is separate from the injury treated a few months ago when she got her
big toe stuck in the toilet and sprained her ankle, and it's the left leg
in a cast this time, unlike when she broke it while chasing a squirrel up
that tree last summer.

I have been seen recently by my Doctor at his office, the local hospital
Emergency Room and the same clinic that my son was treated at for pink eye
for treatment of a sinus infection, fluid behind the ears and bronchitis
working into pneumonia (see scheduled voluntary lobotomy on Mom). I
apologize for the amount of antibiotics you have been forced to help pay
for, but all I got out of antibiotic 1 and 2 was the need for yeast
infection medication, which I paid for all by my little itchy lonesome.
Other than the fact that I'm sitting here with tissue stuffed up each
nostril, I'm doing quite well physically, though I'm heartbroken that I
didn't even rate a Chicken McNugget for MY pain and suffering. I have no
other insurance coverage, and if I did, they would have dumped me years
ago.

Please accept my apologies for taking so long with this weeks' letter, the
new anti-depressant is working pretty well, but the sedative you paid for
has yet to slow down the young'ns. Hopefully as they invent new stuff
everyday I will be able to space these reports a little more apart in the
future. I have also heard through the grapevine that some of your staff
have been copying my letters and taping them to their refrigerators; I have
no problem with that as much as I do the betting pool you have allegedly
allowed to continue despite my protests. Please note that I will be
expecting my share of the winners bounty; Elmo band-aids are not cheap.
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