Text 2914, 123 rader
Skriven 2005-10-27 08:08:06 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Oh oh
=============
Subject: Laugh for the day

 Husband:  We have been married five years and haven't agreed on
           a thing.
 Wife:     You're wrong again.  It has been six years.

----------------------------------then

 A worker was called on the carpet by his supervisor for talking
back to his foreman.  "Is it true that you called him a liar?
 "Yes, I did."
 "Did you call him stupid?"
 "Yes."
 "And did you call him an opinionated, bullheaded egomaniac?"
 "No, but would you write that down so I can remember it?"

----------------------------------so

 Husband:  I know you are having a lot of trouble with the baby,
           Dear, but keep in mind, "the hand that rocks the
           cradle is the hand that rules the world."

 Wife:     How about taking over the world for a few hours while
           I go shopping?

----------------------------------after

OK, here's the scenario:

You're flying in seat 37B on Big Iron Airlines and halfway thru the
flight,  one of the flight attendants quietly asks you if you're a
pilot.  You answer  her in a matter of fact tone that says, "Yes, I
am."  She then says that the  Captain would like to talk with you up
front! You follow her and once inside  the cockpit, you sense that
all is not right.  The flight crew appears to  all be asleep!
Realizing that this is not a freight run, you conclude that  the
aircraft is in serious trouble.  The ex-cheerleader flight attendant
then turns to you, with a small tear in her eye and asks, "Can you
fly this  airplane?"  You look around the cockpit and quietly reply,
"No, I can't even  find the Seat Belt sign, let alone the autopilot
disconnect.  I'll have to  go back to my seat and add up my frequent
flyer bonus miles."

       **********************************

Don't let this happen to you!   Admit it.   Haven't you ever thought
about  being asked to go up front and help land the airplane?  Come
on, be serious.   Of course you have, but what happens when the big
day actually comes and  you're up there ready to save all those
passengers and probably get a free  pass forever and you can't even
get the landing lights on?  BE PREPARED!!!   Attend a highly
technical, resonably intelligent, semi-literate fast paced  seminar
and coffee klatch presented by the:

    "Andy Dulay Bluewater 727 School of Boeing Technique"

Be one of the first pilots in your area to learn what most of all
those  weird noises and sights that you see while sitting in seat 37B
really mean!   Amaze your friends and impress that school teacher
from Montanna in the next  seat with your new found knowledge of why
the leading edge appears to be  departing from the wing while landing
  Attend one of these schools and  learn valuable secrets on the 727
that have been hidden from the public for  years.  Give yourself the
chance to play with the flaps, turn on the No  Smoking and Seat Belt
signs.  Learn what the term "Essential Power" really  means.  Test
the radar, and turn the window heat on.  Run thru a full  checklist.
Play with the reversers, open the aft airstair and show some  real
power by closing it!  And, in a semi-serious note, actually get to
open  and close the main cabin door.  You'll be surprised at just how
much effort  it takes to do this seemingly easy task.  Anyways, be
prepared.  You can't  land a 727 if you can't find all the important
switches (coffee maker,  lavatory flush motors, autopilot).  Attend
an upcoming seminar from the  pilot's seat in a 727 at an airport
near you.  Think about it.  The next  time they say, "The Captain has
turned on the No Smoking sign", you'll  casually turn to the
passenger on your right and say, "I can do that!".   Right now you're
probably asking yourself just how much all of this  technical stuff
is gonna cost. Not to worry.  A personal class with the  Chief
Instructor (me) will only cost $18,000 plus tax and title.  This is
fully tax deductable (if you have a very good accountant) and will
keep my  wife off my back because then I can afford a swimming pool
for the house.   However, if you're not currently in the 92% tax
bracket, the Bluewater  School of 727 Technique has been known to
make exceptions to the tuition  agreements.  We do offer a discount
to AVSIG members and helicopter pilots  which reduces the cost to a
cup of coffee and two jelly donuts.  The schools  are scheduled on an
"as available" basis.  This months school (Jan-Mar 1991) will be in
Newark, NJ as the instructor (me) is flying that run with a layover
there every evening.  I've had literally thousands of completely
satisfied customers.  Well, maybe hundreds.  Well, at least Don
Felkin in  Cleveland liked it.  In fact he liked it so much, he rides
around on  airliners now, just waiting for his chance to hit the seat
belt sign and  take over!

Looking forward to giving other pilots the chance to play with the
toys that  I get to play with.

      Andy (Bluewater 727 School, Inc.)

  P.S.   Due to a restructuring of my life for reasons beyond my
control, the ADBW727SoBT is now using the Boeing 757 as a vehicle for
instruction.  So if you want to see what the "Glass Cockpit" concept
is all about, be sure and drop a message to me sometime on the Sig.
PP.SS.   Due to still another restructuring of my life for the good
of the company, effective July 1, 1990 the ADBW727SoBT will
officially becomes the   ADBW747SoBT.  Yes, you read it right, this
great school is now available for all in the famous Boeing 747.  So
if you've ever wanted to have a heart attack while climbing up the
stairs just to get half-way up the ladder to the  cockpit, well
here's your chance.
      Andy (Bluewater 747 School, Inc.)

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...  "Janet!", "Dr. Scott!", "Janet!", "Brad!", "Rocky!", "Bullwinkle!"

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