Text 2998, 339 rader
Skriven 2005-11-20 00:23:16 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Gilette -- the best(?) a man can get!
=================================================
  -=> 15-Nov-2005 21:05, George Pope wrote in a message to all <=-

 GP> Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades - The Onion

SO that caused  A woman entering the hospital to deliver her 15th child.
"Congratulations," said the nurse "but, don't you think this is enough?"
  The woman replied, "Are you kidding?   This is the only
vacation I get each year."

  My wife noticed our neighbor leaving for work...embrace his wife
passionately...and kiss her goodbye.  "Now why can't you do that?" she
asked me.
  "Don't be silly," I told her.  I hardly know the woman."

  One friend said to another, "Yesterday my grandmother fell down
the stairs."
  The other asked, "Cellar?"
  The friend answered, "Naw, I think she can be fixed."

  A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother -
  Dear Grandmother, I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week.
It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.
  With love,   Mike

  My wife and I have the perfect Hollywood romance.   She calls my
underwear "The Untouchables," our marriage "Rocky," and our love life
"Gone With The Wind."

  A boy ran into the general store very excited and exclaimed, "A
bull is chasing my Dad!"
  "Dear me!  There must be something I can do to help," said the
storekeeper.
  "There is," said the boy.  "Put film in my camera!"

  Pete's grandmother lived to be 103 and never needed glasses.
She drank straight from the jug.

  Heredity:  What a man believes in until his son starts acting like
a fool.

> OBRymes: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

        BACHELOR
A bachelor is a cagey guy,
And has a load of fun;
He sizes all the cuties up,
And never Mrs. one.

        WABBIT
How do you catch a unique wabbit?
Unique up on him.
How do you catch a tame wabbit?
Tame way, unique up on him.

        BABIES
A mundane thing has happened,
But now the fun begins;
Our neighbor who works for Xerox
Just became the father of twins.

        BOSSES
I've come to this conclusion,
It's one I've long supposed:
The boss' door is open....
It's his mind that's always closed.

        CLOTHING
Permanent press is a marvelous thing.
It eliminates much fuss;
But nowadays, with inflation....
What's permanently pressed is us!

        DIETS
When dieting, avoid all sweets,
No matter if they're yummy;
They may melt inside your mouth....
But they firm up on your tummy!

        DINNERS
The cocktail hour is ending,
The salad is now being tossed;
Please go to your table for dinner....
He who hesitates is sauced!

        DRIVING
Divided highways and limited exits
Your mind can really blow.
What they keep you divided from
Is where you want to go.

        DRIVING
The temperature's far below zero,
The roads are all covered with sleet;
The car you can't start in the morning....
Is the one you can't stop on the street.

        ECONOMY
I figured it out this morning,
Just what these words have meant;
In depressions you're really broke....
In recessions you're merely bent.

        FOOD
Is there anything more posh....
When indulging in a nosh,
Than eating a Hostess Twinkie....
With a sneer and an uplifted pinkie?

        GARDENING
Breathes there a gardener with soul so dead
Who to his neighbor has never said:
"Take this zucchini, they're great cooked or raw.
What's that?  You like them?  Here, take ten more."

        NEIGHBORS
The presidential debates are thrilling,
But the greatest debates of them all
Are the ones you have to listen to....
With your ear against the wall!

        OLD AGE
My posture was like an exclamation point:
"Stand straight and tall," said Momma.
But then the years just took their toll....
I now stand like a comma.

        RESTAURANT PRICES
My funds are at a low ebb,
Of cash I am bereft;
It's sad when I read a menu....
It's always from right to left.

        SPEECHES
A toast to our honored speaker
And to the speech he brought.
It was witty, profound, and challenging,
But, best of all, it was short!

        STOCK MARKET
They say that it can never happen again,
The '29 crash we're all mourning.
So tell me why is it that sometimes I hear
What sounds like a two-minute warning?

        SNOW
Snow is so light and
so bright and so fluffy,
Unless you must shovel it....
Then it's a toughy!

        SUCCESS
It's nice to stay a winner,
A fact we shouldn't fuzz'
But I'd rather be a has-been....
Than be a never-was!

        TEENAGERS
I can't understand why our teenagers
Use eye shadow....it's all the rage;
Some achieve premature glamour....
The rest premature middle age.

        TELEPHONES
Once a month it happens.
It almost makes me ill,
Each time I finish paying
Alexander Graham's Bill!

        HOMES (PRICES)
I went to look at new houses
But the prices were mighty strange.
One hundred to two hundred thousand....
I'll never be home in that range.

        INCOME TAX
When it comes to paying your taxes,
And it's more than you thought it would cost,
Keep in mind that wise old saying:
That he who hesitates is forced.

        MEETINGS
In any given meeting,
When all is said and done;
90% will be said....
10% will be done.

        MIDDLE AGE
Middle age is when your glasses and
your waistline get thicker,
And your hair and your wallet get thinner;
When you don't give much thought to exercise....
And entirely too much to dinner.

        MUSIC
The inconsistencies of life
Must really reach a height
When a hundred-and-fifty-five-piece brass band
Goes out and plays "Silent Night!"

        COLLEGE SPORTS
I love to watch college football.
Still a question persists as I look:
I know they can go through a line....
But when have they gone through a book?

        BEES
If you want to relish living,
It really is a breeze;
Be sure you smell the flowers...
But first you check for bees.

        ANGER
When I answer someone's anger,
I follow this to the letter;
Tongue in cheek is good;
Tongue in check is better.

       WHY NOT?
People are funny, you will agree.
When dealt a blow, they say, "Why me?"
But when good luck becomes their lot...
They're quick to answer, "Well, why not?"

        HELP
Let your conscience by your guide;
Face each crisis without a yelp.
I let conscience by my guide...
And all I can say is:  "HELP!"


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

       "Trigger Happy" from the album OFF THE DEEP END

 (One of the NRA's favorites I'm sure...)

Trigger happy...
Trigger happy...

Got an AK-47, well you know it makes me feel alright
Got an Uzi by my pillow, helps me sleep a little better at night
There's no feelin' greater than to:
Shoot first and ask questions later
Now I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy everyday
                          (trigger happy everyday)
Well you can't take my guns away, I got a constitutional right
Yeah, I gotta be ready if the Commies attack us tonight
I'll blow their brains out with my Smith and Wesson
That ought to teach them all a darned good lesson

Now I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy every day
                          (trigger happy every day)
Oh yeah I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Yes I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Oh baby I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Yes I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy every day
                          (trigger happy every day)

Oh I accidently shot my daddy last night in the den

                          (shot daddy in the den)
I mistook him for a drug-crazed Nazi again
                          (drug-crazed Nazi again)
Now why'd you have to get so mad?
It was just a lousy flesh wound dad
You know I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy everyday
                          (trigger happy everyday)
Oh I'm trigger I still haven't figured out the safety on my rifle yet
Little Fluffy took a round, better take him to the vet
I filled that kitty-cat so full of lead,
We'll have to use him for a pencil instead

Well I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy every day
                          (trigger happy every day)
Oh yeah I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Yes I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Oh baby I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Trigger happy, trigger happy
                          (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Better watch out punk or I'm going to have to blow you away
                         (gonna have to blow you away)

Come on and grab your ammo, what have I got to lose?
We'll get all liquored up and shoot at anything that moves
Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight
                         (shoot to kill now, shoot to kill)

Oh I'm prayin' that somebody tries to break in here tonight

                         (shoot to kill now, shoot to kill)

I always keep a magnum in my trunk,
You better ask yourself do you feel lucky punk?
because I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy every day....

Oh yeah I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                         (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Yes I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                         (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Oh baby I'm, trigger happy, trigger happy
                         (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Trigger happy, trigger happy
                         (trigger happy, trigger happy)

Better watch out punk or I'm going to have to blow you away
                         (gonna have to blow you away)
Better watch out punk or I'm going to have to blow you away
                         (gonna have to blow you away)


Salutations from --Christchurch-+
  ICE-man in      /\            |          \ | /   Mountains, Sunshine
 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


... Cool! I figured out the Sysop's passwor$>@7& NO CARRIER

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