Text 3000, 100 rader
Skriven 2005-11-20 00:34:04 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av ceri@twmba.net
Ärende: Re: Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic
================================================
  -=> 16-Nov-2005 12:42, ceri@twmba.net wrote in a message to All <=-

 ce> Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic

  A couple of mangy small-town dogs wandered into the big city for
the first time. As they roamed the streets, they came across a parking
meter. "Look at that," one said to the other, "a pay toilet!"

--------------------------------------- then

  A husband was distraught when he caught his wife in bed with
another man. In desperation, he sought advice from his rabbi, who
counseled forgiveness. "After all," the cleric said, "a man cannot be
held responsible for his actions below the waist."

  At that, the furious man kicked the rabbi in the shin.

--------------------------------------- then

  An African aboriginal chief was flown to London by a local
scientific society and met at the airport by a flock of curious
reporters. One asked, "Did you have a comfortable flight?"

  After making a series of squeaks, shrieks, and gurgles, the
chief replied in perfect English, "Yes, thank you very much."

  "How long do you plan to stay?" he was asked.

  "Tweeeet, squeak, eeeuuuu," he began. "I think about three weeks."

  Baffled, the reporter asked, "Where did you learn to speak English?"

  "Shhhh, tweet, waaiiii. Short-wave radio."

--------------------------------------- then

  As the highway patrolman approached the accident site, he found
that the entire driver's side of the BMW had been ripped away, taking
with it the driver's arm.

  The injured Yuppie, obviously in shock, kept moaning, "My car,
my car," as the officer tried to comfort him.

  "Sir," the patrolman said gently, "I think we should be more
concerned about your arm than your car."

  The driver looked down to where his arm should have been, then
screamed, "My Rolex! My Rolex!"

--------------------------------------- then

  After his legs had been broken in an accident, Mr. Miller sued
for damages, claiming that he was crippled and would have to spend the
rest of his life in a wheelchair. Although the insurance company doctor
testified that his bones had healed properly and that he was fully
capable of walking, the judge decided for the plaintiff and awarded him
$500,000.

  When he was wheeled into the insurance company office to collect
his check, Miller was confronted by several executives. "You're not
getting away with this, Miller," one said. "We're going to watch you day
and night. If you take a single step, you'll not only repay the damages
but stand trial for perjury. Here's the money. What do you intend to do
with it?"

  "My wife and I are going to travel," Miller replied. "We'll go
to Stockholm, Berlin, Rome, Athens and, finally, to a place called
Lourdes--where, gentlemen, you'll see yourselves one hell of a miracle!"

--------------------------------------- then

  The furious general called his military and household staffs
together and barked that if his wife's stolen jewelry wasn't returned in
24 hours, the whole lot of them would be courtmartialed.

  Hours of investigation proved fruitless. The desperate staff
members finally picked up a drunk loitering outside the general's
quarters and demanded that he tell them where the jewels were. When he
denied knowing anything, they lowered him headfirst into a well. Pulling
him up, they asked him again. The gasping drunk waved no. Again they
lowered him into the water, leaving him in longer this time.

  "For the last time," an aide demanded as they pulled the fellow
up for air, "where are the jewels?"

  Coughing and sputtering, the drunk replied, "You guys better
find yourselves another diver, 'cause I can't find anything."



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