Text 3186, 204 rader
Skriven 2005-12-04 23:16:30 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Miscellaneous Shorties
==================================
             -=> George Pope wrote to all <=-

 GP> What's the difference between a woman's zipper and a mans zipper?

'Twas the night before installation,
And all through the shop,
Not a program was working,
It sure was a flop.
The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,
In hope that a miracle soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of inquiries danced in their heads.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a Super-Programmer (with a six-pack of beer).

His resume glowed with experience so rare,
He turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update!  On Add!  On Inquiry!  On Delete!
On Batch!  On Closing!  On Functions Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,
>From  weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
Turning specs into code; then turned with a jerk,
And laying a finger upon the "Enter" key,
The system came up and worked perfectly.

The Updates updated, the Deletes, they deleted;
The inquiries inquired, and Closing completed.
He tested each whistle and each bell,
with nary an abend, and all had gone well.

The system was finished, the tests were concluded;
The users' last changes were even included.
And the users exclaimed with a snarl and a taunt,
"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"


> OBX-mas for Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Santa on Trial

   You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris
Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:

   *  failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland
to the North Pole

   *  crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25
of each year as far back as records go

   *  failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your
elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at
time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the
standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards

   *  failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income
tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities
on behalf of your employees

   *  you are accused of the illegal entry of millions of
Canadian homes on December 25 of each year

   *  violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by
operating a tight monopoly

   *  failing to file a flight plan for your travels

   *  failing to equip your vehicle with seat belts or properly
fitting your reindeer with emission control devises

   *  not declaring as taxable income the cookies and milk left
for you by millions each year

   *  illegally competing with the Canadian Post Office, and
possible breaking drug laws by administering an unauthorized drug to
Rudolph to make his nose light up

   *  and finally, parking in a no parking zone, namely rooftops,
and having no  record of either a driver's or pilot's licence ever
being issued to a Mister Claus in any of the ten provinces and two
territories.

   Faced with all these accusations and understanding their
severity, have you any statement to make before I . . .  wish you a
Merry Christmas, a Happy New Year and dismiss these charges?

Cliff Boldt
cboldt@wimsey.com


> OBX-mas for Mr. <+]::-) ("Cyberpope")

To get us all in the Christmas spirit... Can you name these Christmas
Songs?  Answers found below.

1.  Approach Everyone Who Is Steadfast
2.  Ecstacy Toward The Orb
3.  Hush, The Foretelling Spirits Harmonize
4.  Hey, Miniscule Urban Area Southwest Of Jerusalem
5.  Quiescent Nocturnal Period
6.  The Autocratic Troika Originating Near the Accent of Apollo
7.  The Primary Carol
8.  Embellish The Corridors
9.  I Apprehended My Maternal Parent Osculating with a Corpulent,
    Unshaven Male in Crimson Disguise
10. I'm Fantasizing Concerning a Blanched Yuletide
11. My Singular Desire For The Impending Yuletide Season Is
    Receipt Of A Pair Of Central Incisors.
12. During the Time Ovine Caretakers Supervised Their Charges Past
    Twilight
13. Celestial Messengers From Splendid Empires.
14. The Thing Manifest Itself at the Onset of a Transparent Day
15. The Tatterdemalion Ebony Atmosphere
16. The Coniferous Nativity
17. What Offspring Abides Thus?
18. Removed in a Bovine Feeding Trough
19. Creator Cool It Ya Kooky Cats
20. Seraphim We Aurally Detect in the Stratosphere
21. Valentino, The Roseate Proboscissed Wapati
22. Father Christmas Approaches the Metropolis
23. Ag Glockenspiels
24. The Slight Percussionist Lad
25. The Antelered Quadruped With The Cerise Proboscis.
26. The Event Occurred At One Minute After 11:59 PM-Visibility
    Unlimited.
27. Ornament The Enclosure With Large Sprigs Of A Berry-bearing
    Evergreen.
28. Anticipation Of This Noel's Memento's: Nil.
29. The Approach Of The Holiday Commemorating The Birth Of
    Christ Is Becoming Evident.
30. During the Dark Hours When Herdsman Attended Their Charges.
31. A Trio of Non-Occidental Potentates Is Our Identity.
32. A Meteorological Melody Is Manifest.
33. The Yuletide's Diurnal Dozen.
34. Please Permit Pristine Precipitation.
35. 'Rimey', The Mannikin of Crystalline H2O.
36. Our Desire Is Your Yuletide Cheer.
37. Aged Matriarch Plowed Under By Preciptious Darlings.
38. Are You Experiencing Parallel Auditory Input?
39. Endeavor to personally experience singular, miniscule Yule!

-------- Answers ---------
1.  O Come All Ye Faithful
2.  Joy To The World
3.  Hark, The Herald Angels Sing
4.  O Little Town of Bethlehem
5.  Silent Night
6.  We Three Kings
7.  The First Noel
8.  Deck The Halls
9.  I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Clause
10. I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas
11. All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth
12. While Shepherds Watched Their Flocks By Night
13. Angels from the Realms of Glory
14. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
15. O Holy Night
16. O Christmas Tree
17. What Child is This?
18. Away in a Manger
19. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
20. Angels We Have Heard On High
21. Rudolph, The Red Nosed Reindeer
22. Santa Claus is Coming To Town
23. Silver Bells
24. The Little Drummer Boy
25. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
26. It came upon a Midnight Clear
27. Deck the Halls with Boughs of Holly
28. I'm getting nothing for Christmas
29. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
30. While Shepherds watched their Flocks by Night
31. We Three Kings
32. There's a Song in the Air
33. The Twelve Days of Christmas
34. Let it Snow
35. Frosty, the Snowman
36. We Wish you a Merry Christmas
37. Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer
38. Do You Hear What I Hear?
39. Have Yourselves a Merry Little Christmas



        -=-                          -=-
     (\  _  /)                    (\  _  /)
     ( \( )/ )     I C E-man      ( \( )/ )
     (       )    Wishes You      (       )
      `>   <'  Seasons Greetings   `>   <'
      /     \    09 December 05    /     \
      `-._.-'                      `-._.-'
 

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