Text 3267, 252 rader
Skriven 2005-12-19 03:33:44 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Ha ha
=================
 GP> On (15 Dec 05) Greg Sears wrote to George Pope...
 GS>   Reverend Beck still gets nervous when he speaks...even after all
   > these years.  Actually, it all started about forty years ago when he
   > performed his first wedding.  The Reverend did okay until he
   > pronounced them husband and wife, and waited for the groom to kiss the
   > bride.   However, the groom just stood there.  So in a nervous
   > high-pitched tone, the Reverend blurted out, "It's kisstomary to cuss
   > the bride!"  (Hope he hasn't been doing so ever since.)

     -=[18-Dec-2005 07:40; George Pope replied to Greg Sears]=-

 GP> A true story: my sister's husband, at their wedding, took her to be
   > his "awful wedded wife"! *LOL* (I was there!)

  Seasons Greetings George Pope, WHAT IT REALLY MEANS WHEN THEY SAY:

NEVER NEEDS OILING - lasts only about one month

GUARANTEED SUBJECT TO PROVISIONS AND TERMS LISTED BELOW - there is no
guarantee

ONE DROP DOES A WHOLE SINK/TUBFULL - you could wash it with plain
water and it would do the same thing

SUBJECT TO PRIOR APPROVAL - if you don't need the loan, you'll get it

NEW AND IMPROVED - same medicine, different capsule

CONTAINS NO ASPIRIN, IBUPROFEN, OR ACETAMINOPHEN - it's a placebo

SMALL BUG EYED CREATURES WILL LAND ON THE WHITE HOUSE THIS YEAR - it's
a bad mosquito season

SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO........ - it's not a placebo


> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

I believe in respect for the dead; in fact,
I could only respect you if you WERE dead.

I don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something
a vulture would eat.

I hear that when you were a child, your mother wanted to hire
someone to take care of you, but the Mafia wanted too much.

I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you
on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in.

I hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.

I think you should live for the moment. But after that I
doubt I'll think so.

I would have been your father, but the dog beat me up the stairs.

I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only
gives me displeasure.

I wouldn't piss in your mouth even if your teeth were on fire!

I'll hit you so hard by the time you come down,
you'll need a passport and a plane ticket back!

I'll hit you so hard you'll have to take off your shoes to shit!

I'll hit you so hard you'll have to unzip your pants to say hi!

I'll hit you so hard your kids will be born dizzy!

I'll hit you so hard your wife will fall!

I'm looking forward to the pleasure of your
company since I haven't had it yet.

I'm really glad you are alive...if you were
not, I would be the ugliest SOB on earth.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

I've got a joke so funny it'll make your tits
fall off...oh, I see you already heard it.

I've had a great evening, but this wasn't it.

I've had many cases of love that were just infatuation,
but this hate I feel for you is the real thing.

If I wanted to listen to an asshole, I would've farted!

If you could put your fingers in your ears, it might
stop all of that hot air from coming out of your mouth!

If you didn't exist, you wouldn't be worth making up.

If you ever tax your brain, don't charge more than a penny.

If you were dead and buried, it wouldn't be
worth digging your body up to throw stones at!

It's hard to believe that out of a hundred
thousand sperm, you were the fastest.

It's your life - but I wish you'd let us have it.

Let's play horsey; I'll be the front end, and you can just be yourself.

Man alive!  But I wish you weren't.

May 1,000,000 fleas infest your hairy armpits.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your erogenous zones.

Men, we're fighting for this lady's honor,
which is probably more than she ever did.

May a flock of crows fly up your daughter's wedding gown.

May your ear-holes turn into ass-holes and shit all
over your shoulders!

No one should be punished for accident of birth,
but you look too much like a wreck not to be.

Oh you look good.  Nice tits, nice ass.
How much?  (from Andrew Dice Clay).

One good joke deserves another, so between my legs hangs your mother.

The only way he could give a lady a hot time
would be to use Ben Gay for a lubricant.

The thing that terrifies me the most is that
someone might hate me as much as I loathe you.

Well, I'll see you in my dreams - if I eat too much
.
What's a nice place like you doing in a girl like this?

When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents.

When you pass away and people ask me what the
cause of your death was, I'll say your stupidity.

When you were born, your mother almost flushed you,
but your father said "Wait, it has eyes."

When you were born, your parents threw away the baby
and kept the afterbirth.

You got a very striking face.  How many times have you
been struck there?

You have a face only a mother could love - and she hates it!

You have nothing to fear from my baser instincts;
its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.

You must be the reason why birth control was invented.

You never strike out blindly; you fail in the light.

You were born nn years ago, and your mother
is still trying to get an abortion.

You were born because your mother didn't believe
in abortion; now she believes in infanticide.

You were the answer to a prayer.  Your parents prayed that
the world would be made to suffer and here you came along.

You're acquitting yourself in such a way that no jury ever would.

You're a habit I'd like to kick; with both feet.

You're a load that should've been swallowed.

You're a waste of sperm.

You're as cold as a tax collector's heart.

You're as much use as the Pope's balls.

You're as popular as a French kiss at a family reunion.

You're as popular as a fart in a space suit.

You're as popular as a hang-glider pilot with diarrhea.

You're the best at all you do - and all you do is
make people hate you.

You've never been outspoken; no one has ever been able to.

Your father should have pulled out sooner!

Yours was an unnatural birth; you came from a human being.

You are acting like overdoped silicon.

I see that you weren't fully debugged before release.

You are the Sinclair ZX80 of human beings.

If brains were quarks, you wouldn't have enough to make a neutron.

You are shallower than the diffusion layer of an integrated circuit.

(A male insulting female:) Your body is so under-allocated,
it leaves me with a dangling pointer.

You are so nerdy you wouldn't pass the Turing test.

Your brain needs a good garbage-collection algorithm.

You aren't even as bright as an LED.

Don't bother with a CAT scan, your brain wouldn't
even fill one pixel. Have you had a head crash?


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")

  Health food is something you nag your spouse to death to eat.

  It may be true that men would live longer if they avoided drink,
smoke, and women.  But we'll never know until someone tries it.

  Americans are getting fitter.  Quite a while ago it took two adults to
carry fifty dollars' worth of groceries.   Today, a child can do it.

  A low-cholesterol diet is the key to heartening of the arteries.

  A bed is where people who are run down wind up.

  Smokers are people who puff on cigarettes, cigars, and steps.





Salutations from --Christchurch-+
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 New Zealand     /  \/\         |  /\     -- O --   Forestry, Farming
-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^/      \!!ii,,..@-/==\---^-^-^-^-^ Beaches and Surfing


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