Text 330, 141 rader
Skriven 2004-10-07 07:09:38 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: A Story
===================
Funny

 -=[05-Oct-2004 14:06, George Pope it is a cloudy day in Christchurch]=-

 GS> "Okay," Nina responded, and then she asked, "Do they
 GS> serve refreshments?"

 GP> Nina sounds like my kind of gal!  Can I have her phone number?

  G-day George Pope,

                ,
       __  _.-"` `'-.
      /||\'._ __{}_(
      ||||  #'--.__\
      |  L.(   ^_\^
      \ .-' |   _ |
      | |   )\___/
      |  \-'`:._]
      \__/;      '-.
      |   |o     __ \
      |   |o     )( |
  jgs |   |o     \/ \
 
Does this look like a wall of a MENs toilet to YOU? '-)



> OBJoke: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

Throw It Overboard


"Shall I bring you your lunch on deck, sir?" asked the cruise
ship steward.

"No," replied the queasy passenger, "just throw it overboard
and save us both some time."


> OBJoke: for Mr. <+]::-{(} ("Cyberpope")


-------------------------------------------------------
               THE POTATO THROUGH HISTORY
-------------------------------------------------------

33. The apocryphal Gospel of St. Ken the Extrapolated reveals how Jesus
fed 6500 people and forty-two donkeys with three herring and five grilled
potatoes -- inventing fish and chips almost two millenia before Great
Britain.

605. King Arthur and his knights go on a quest for the Holy Russet. After
a harrowing twenty-year quest, Sir Percival finally brings it home with
the bacon; he, Sir Lancelot, and Queen Guenever turn up the head and
share a wild high-calorie breakfast romp. Stories travel, and two years
later, Camelot falls.

1066. The French Normans conquer Britain by attacking during the Great
Annual English Potato Dig. They celebrate their victory by developing the
french fry.

1217. Italian connoisseurs discover that stomping on and fermenting the
juices of grapes (rather than potatoes) is not only more effective at
producing wine but is also easier on the feet. Potato wine becomes
nostalgic.

1485. King Richard II cries, "My kingdom for a horse!" With his horrible
pasty complexion and lack of personality, he is mistaken for a large
potato; soldiers poke him full of holes and bury him in order to raise a
bumper crop.

1773. Protesting high British taxes on tea, dim-witted colonial Boston
inhabitants ransack three English boats in the harbor and dump sack after
sack of imports into the harbor. The next night they revisit their plan,
this time dumping cut tea instead of potatoes. Meanwhile, large masses of
potatoes are carried east on sea currents, to be frozen in chillier
waters -- resulting in the sinking of the Titanic 139 years later.

1791. Level-headed Marie Antoinette says of the starving masses, "Let
them eat potatoes!" which happened to be very plentiful, nutritious and
good for the soil. Knowing this will play poorly in the press, dissidents
misquote her as saying "cake," and heads begin to roll.

1874. A consortium of irate garden gnomes attacks farmers in Ohio who
boost the growth of their potato crops with the same "organic watering
techniques" practiced by boys the world over.

1917. Following the mandates of communism, the Soviet People's Potato
Committee gathers potatoes throughout the Soviet Union for fair and
equitable redistribution. No one in the Soviet Union sees a potato until
1990.

1962. The Cuban Missile Crisis takes a new twist when Soviets claim that
the large "missiles" are really giant mechanical potato pickers. After
the United States retaliates with threats of large automated Ronco potato
peelers, everyone backs off.

1973. Locals unearth the Potato of Turin, which supposedly creates an
image of Christ when coated with ink and stamped on a white sheet of
paper. Before it can be studied by scientists, the potato is accidentally
crisped and eaten by a Franciscan monk, who claims to be spontaneously
healed of chronic warts on his feet.

1977. The pomato, a hybrid of the potato and the closely related tomato,
is hailed as the triumph of human ingenuity over hunger, but the lousy
name fails to go over with the American public. Not even a revival of the
Broadway song including the lines, "You say Pomato, I say Pomoto!" keeps
promoters from calling the whole thing off.

1979. The first Spudruckers opens in San Antonio, Texas, showcasing the
potato burger. After dismal sales, owner Phil Romano changes the name as
a joke and ends up making it big.

1992. William Jefferson Clinton is elected the 42nd president of the
United States. An EEG performed in his third year of office reveals that
his brain is made of potato salad.

1994. Conspiracy expert Ron Bittner writes, "Potatoes come the nightshade
family, which is well known for its poisonous qualities, and yet the
government encourages 'farmers' to grow potatoes. Coincidence? I DON'T
THINK SO!" Bittner had first become famous for suggesting that the NASA
moon landing had been a hoax perpetrated well in advance by marketers for
the blockbuster "Apollo 13."

1999. Vice President Al Gore shocks the world by claiming to have
invented potatoes. (By the time he begins to invent votes in 2000, no one
is surprised.)



    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
##############################

... George... This tag is TRUE -->     <-- That tag is FALSE

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