Text 336, 61 rader
Skriven 2004-10-07 07:53:36 av Greg Sears (1:153/307)
     Kommentar till en text av Heather Lennox
Ärende: Ho ho
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HOW TO BATHE (MAN VS WOMAN)

HOW TO BATHE LIKE A WOMAN:

Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to
lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the
bathroom. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting
fat. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth, legcloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with Cucumber
and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash your hair again with
Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Condition your hair
with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for 15 minutes. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial
scrub for 10 minutes until red and raw. Wash entire rest of body with
Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair (take at
least 15 minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off). Shave
armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed
instead. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose
the water pressure. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in
shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel
the size of a small African Country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second
towel. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with
nails/tweezers if found. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and
towel on head. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any
exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half
getting dressed.

HOW TO BATHE LIKE A MAN:

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a
pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound. Look at your manly physique
in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire
the size of your wiener in the mirror, scratch your "privates" and smell
your fingers for one last whiff. Get in the shower. Don't bother to look
for a washcloth (you don't use one). Wash your face. Wash your armpits.
Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. Wash your privates
and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.
Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo Mohawk. Pull
back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror. Pee (in the
shower). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
Partially dry off. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire
wiener size again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the
floor. Leave bathroom fan and light on. Return to the bedroom with towel
around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your
wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her. Throw wet towel on
the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.

    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
##############################

... Heather... Did YOU know I miss my teddybear - will you sleep with me?

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