Text 3520, 163 rader
Skriven 2006-02-16 12:35:00 av George Pope (2418.funny)
Ärende: The Quiz(a BIT late)
============================
A Valentine's Quiz from 24hours.ca newspaper

IS HE A KEEPER?
===============

Any idiot with a bow and arrow can play cupid, so we decided playing
devil's advocate would be a lot more fun.  Here are 10 questions to ask
your Valentine to help distinguish between Mr. and Ms. Right and Mr. and
Ms. Right-now.

1. What do you think about my outfit?
a) Uh, it's nice, honey.  You look really great.
b) Love it, dahling! Oh, and you know what would look super cute with
   it... your new suede, kitten-heel pumps.
c) I like it.  I'd like it even better balled up on my bedroom floor.

2. What do you consider your greatest achievement
a) Meeting & falling head over heels in love with you.
b) I still hold the top score in the original Super Mario Bros.
c) Those notches on my bedpost aren't just for show, baby.  You're
   253... and counting.

3. What do you want to accomplish before you die?
a) I hope to make all your dreams come true.
b) Climb Mt. Everest, play in the NHL, be on Fear Factor... the usual
   stuff.
c) It's always been a goal of mine to make a difference in the world...
either that, or sleep with a supermodel.

4. What's your longest relationship
a) I value quality over quantity, and hope to grow old with you.
b) My life-long connection with the most important woman in the world --
   my mom, of course.
c) Does walking a girl home the next morning count as a relationship?

5. What's your dream job?
a) Something that pays well but leaves me plenty of time to spend with
   my loved ones.
b) A taste-tester for the Granville Island Brewery.  Free beer, cool!
c) A photographer for the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

6. When was the last time you cried?
a) On our wedding day.
b) When Gretsky retired... just thinking abou it gets me all choked
   up... sob!
c) When I was nine I flew over my bike's handlebars and went head first
into the curb.  Want to see the scar?

7. What's your position on kids?
a) A family is a natural extension of two people's love.
b) Kids are great!  I want enough to field my own football team.
c) Children should be seen and not heard.  Actually, forget the "seen"
   part, too.  Is three years old too young for boarding school?

8. How do you fight?
a) I yell abd slam doors but am always the first to apologize.
b) My weapon of choice is the silent treatment.  I can go for days.
c) The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club.

9. How do you divide chores?
a) 50:50.  When you cook, I clean, and vice versa.
b) I loaded the dishwasher last night.  No, I didn't turn it on.  Don't
   you think it's your turn?
c) The woman's place is in the kitchen; the man's is on the couch.

10. How many times do you expect to have sex in a month?
a) A healthy baker's dozen -- give or take.
b) Let's see.  Seven days in a week.  Four weeks in a month.  Seven
   times four equals 28... times three... 84 sounds about right.
c) With just you?

SCORING
=======
Mostly A's: Start wedding dress shopping.  This one is marriage
            material.
Mostly B's: If only you'd met him 10 years ago -- or had a younger
            sister(or brother) to set him up with.
Mostly C's: Throw him back immediately.  There are plenty of other fish
            in the sea.

IS SHE A KEEPER?
================

1. What sports do you like?
a) Hockey: My dad has season's tickets to the Canucks that he never
   uses.
b) Is shopping a sport?
c) Ultimate Fighting: I dig the hot man-on-man action.

2. What do you consider your greatest achievement?
a) Shattering the glass ceiling in my office.
b) Alphabetizing my entire closet
c) Recently slept with 100th man.

3. What do you want to accomplish before you die?
a) Happiness and balance in every aspect of my life.
b) Travel the world solo for at least a year.
c) Get up before noon at least once.

4. What's your longest relationship?
a) I'm hoping ours will last a lifetimi.
b) The lifelong one I've had with my therapist.
c) I once had a five-year lesbian relationship with my cellmate in
   prison.

5. What's your dream job?
a) Success to me is finding the perfect balance between work and play.
b) I'd love to be Paris Hilton's personal shopper.
c) I've always wanted to be a porn actress.  Well, actually, there was
   this one time...

6. When's the last time you cried?
a) When I thought about how my life would be without you in it.
b) The last time I misplaced my box of vibrators.
c) Every time I think about my last four husbands.

7. What's your position on kids?
a) I love them and can't wait to have them with you.
b) Kids are great, as long as they're kept away from me.  Like in
   another country.
c) I have five from my last four relationships. Hey can you baby-sit
   this Friday?

8. How do you argue?
a) Let's talk it out and find a solution.
b) I'm always right, even when I'm wrong.
c) Have I shown you the voodoo doll I made in my ex-husband's likeness?

9. How do you divide chores?
a) 50/50 partnership
b) I tell you what to do and you do it.  With a smile on.
c) You better be hiring a maid, Mr. Man.  This trailer ain't gonna clean
   itself.

10. How many times do you expect to have sex in a month?
a) As many times as you want.
b) You get paid twice a month, right?
c) With you?

SCORING
=======

Mostly A's: Hope you got two month's salary saved -- time to put a ring
            on her finger.
Mostly B's: Maybe a good fit for someone whose wallet opens up more than
            their heart.
Mostly C's: Run away.  No, really -- she's right behind you.  Get out!

                                        Carly Krug, 24 hours



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
|<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1 Lighten up, Everybody! Life ain't even PERMANENT!               
--- SBBSecho 2.11-Win32
 * Origin: Time Warp of the Future BBS - Home of League 10 (1:14/400)