Text 3540, 129 rader
Skriven 2006-02-23 12:44:00 av George Pope (2439.funny)
Ärende: Music Funnies (1/2)
===========================
              A pick-up expressed in musical terms

        hymn (the guy)
        bar line (where he meets her)
        sax (what he wants)
        suite (what he says she is)
        sheet music (what she puts on the CD player in her room)
        sol-fa (what they lie down on)
        "Triad!" (he suggests tying her up with a major chord)
        "Duet!" (her answer)
        staff (what he pulls out next)
        score (what he does)
        no treble (what he's had)
        a trill (what he assumes she's had)
        a C note (what she hopes for)
        forte (what she's willing to accept)
        a tenor (what he ends up paying)
        "Bass!" (what she calls him)
        "Pitch!" (what he calls her)



Q: What's the difference between a musician and a pizza?

A: A pizza can feed a family of four.

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Q: What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

A: Homeless.

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Q: How many Bass Players does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Only one, but the guitarist has to show him how to do it.

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Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None.  They have machines that do that nowadays.

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Q: How can you tell when the stage is level?

A: The drool is coming from both sides of the drummer's mouth equally.


What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A pair of Re-bachs.

What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on
again and continue riding?
Bach in the saddle again.
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Three blokes die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
StP: Hi, what's your name?
Pete: Pete.
StP: Hi, Pete. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Pete: 120K
StP: Wow! Tell me, Pete, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Pete: I was a lawyer.
StP: That's great.  Come on in.  (To 2nd bloke)  Hi, what's your name?
Roger: Roger.
StP: Hi, Roger.  Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
StP: Hey, that's great!  Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
StP: That's very good. Come on in.  (To 3rd bloke)  Hi, what's your name?
John: John.
StP: Hi, John.  Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $13,000.
StP: Hey, that's fantastic, John!  Tell me, what instrument did you play?
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   Tom Fogerty has died.  He wakes up and finds himself on a stage on which
a number of instruments are set up.  A door offstage opens and in walk Jimi
Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and Buddy
Holly. Each musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning up.
   All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense pleasure, the
drums.  He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."
   Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven?  You think this is heaven?"
   At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the
drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'.  One, two, three, four..."
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Philistine Liberation Organization Seminars:
"The Sound of Music: Best Musical Ever Made?"
"Andy Williams and Neil Diamond, their Similarities and Differences"
"Perceptions of Existence in the Music of Manilow"
"Is Vivaldi the New Muzak? Is snobbery creeping into the PLO?"
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The Top Songs On The Benedictine Monks' Best-Selling CD

20. Hey, Hey, We're The Monks
19. (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction
18. I'm Too Sexy For This Robe...
17. Cyronus Achus Breakus
16. Ain't Misbehavin'
15. What's A Vow Of Chastity Got To Do With It?
14. Red, Red Wine
13. Celebate!  Celebate!  Dance To The Music!
12. Shock The Monk
11. Give Peace A Chant
10. Hand Jive
 9. 50 Ways To Leave Your Monestary
 8. Born To Be Mild
 7. Oh, Sherry
 6. Don't Stand So Close To Me
 5. Beat It
 4. Can't Touch That!
 3. I Write The Psalms
 2. Smells Like (Holy Spirit)
 1. Light My Friar



Your Moderator and all-round friend/servant,
|<+]::-) ("Cyberpope")
Internet: gapope@vcn.bc.ca
1)If you don't like a joke, post 2-3 examples of what you DO like!
B)If you DO like a joke, say thank-you with 2-3 jokes of your own! :)

(AKA the Bishop of ROM!)

... nfx v3.1 What if there were no hypothetical questions?                   
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