Text 3640, 109 rader
Skriven 2006-03-07 23:20:44 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
Ärende: Bone
============
.  o  _   From the Desk of Greg Sears AREA: F-UNNY
. Q\_|_)   --=[ I C E-man's FUNNY BONE Collection Book for ALL ]=--
. T> III                     Page: 18

                       James And The Giant Schlong

                     __..------..__       __..------..__
                 _.-'              '-. .-'              '-.
               .'                     Y                    '.
              /                       O                      \
             /                                                \
            /    When James Valentino came to school last      \
           ;  Halloween, little did he know the controversy he  ;
           |                was about to start.                 |
           |                                                    |
           | It all began several weeks before, when James and  |
            \   his friends were discussing what to be for     /
             .   Halloween.  His friend said, "sometimes      .
             |`.     when I don't know what to be, I look   .'|
             |  ' .    through  a magazine or a book to  . '  |
             |      '  .    get some inspiration."  .  '      |
             |' .         `  -   -    =   -  -   '         . '|
             | James replied, "Phat yo!  That's a funky fresh |
             | idea, homeboy!" James didn't know how to read, |
             |so he asked his dad for help.  His dad suggested|
             | being "man's best friend."  As fate would have |
             | it, James' father was an urologist.  James was |
             | searching through his dad's medical journals,  |
             | and found it.  The perfect Halloween costume.  |
             |       He COULD be man's best friend.           |
             |    He would be.............a GIANT PENIS!!     |
             |  It was perfect, he had never heard of anyone  |
             | ever being one.  He would be sure to take home |
             |  the "most original costume" prize at school.  |
             | And, what girl wouldn't love a 6 foot penis??  |
             |    Maybe Julie would finally talk to him!      |
             | Nothing could possibly ever go wrong!  It was  |
             |  the best idea he ever had.  He called up the  |
             | local costume shop, asking the man if he had a |
             | costume to rent. The man asked James how big he|
             | was.  James told him and the man replied, "You |
             | want to know if I have a 6 foot dick?!?!"  It  |
             | was at that moment that James came to the stark|
             |   realization that he would have to make the   |
             |    costume himself.  He borrowed his friend's  |
             | slippers, and made a rubber shell around them  |
             | and tied them together with more rubber.  Then |
             |  he glued a huge mass of black yarn on to the  |
             |   rubber.  Then he glued some more. (He was    |
             | Italian, after all.)  He found a six foot piece|
             |  of plastic that fit around his body.  He cut  |
             | arm holes and a face hole, and covered the rest|
             | with layer upon layer of rubber.  He then went |
             | to his artist friend's house, who applied the  |
             |   "finishing touch," a paper mache head.  He   |
             | covered that with rubber, and the costume was  |
             | complete.  Only his closest friends knew about |
             | the six foot dick, but no one else was quite   |
             | ready.                                         |
             | The response was incredible.  He was the most  |
             | popular guy in school. However, only the girls |
             | would hang out with him, and he was ignored by |
             |  the jealous guys.  A freshman girl was even   |
             | heard whispering to her friend as they passed  |
             |   by, "I didn't know they got that big!"       |
             | However, it wasn't fun and games for everyone. |
             |Several people were injured as James cruised the|
             |  freshman hall.  As several freshman turned to |
             |  take in the spectacle of the 6 foot walking   |
             | schlong, several seniors were knocked unconsc- |
             | ious by the swinging, portable, back mounted   |
             |lockers, also referred to as "backpacks."  It   |
             |was all downhill from there.  The trouble start-|
             |ed when he saw Julie.  She was the most beauti- |
             |  ful girl in the school, and James was crazy   |
             |about her.  Using his creativity, James had ran |
             |a tube from his hand to the top of his "head,"  |
             | filled with corn syrup.  When Julie passed by, |
             |  he lost control of himself, and corn syrup    |
             |spewed everywhere, hitting several students as  |
             | well as the assistant principal.  Boy, was she |
             |pissed off!  It was the beginning of the end for|
             | poor old James.                                |
             |Wanting answers, the assistant principal ordered|
             | James to remove the costume at once.  He could |
             | not, for the syrup had stuck the rubber to him.|
             |  She then proceeded to "circumcise" the costume|
             |   with her letter opener.  It was terrible to  |
             |watch.  James began to cry, "Look at what you've|
             |         done to my beautiful penis!            |
             |              You pecker wrecker!"              |
             | James ran back to his house, only to be picked |
             |up by a passing patrol car.  He was charged with|
             |indecent exposure and failure to control himself|
             |  in a public area.  James continues to attend  |
           @&|    high school, and cannot decide what to be   |@&
         &@&@|               next year.                       |@&@
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