Text 3697, 202 rader
Skriven 2006-03-18 03:34:52 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Book
================
 GS>  GP> Then why did YOU say the story's author was unknown, but probably
   >    > Stan whatshisname?
   > Ok, just checkin' to see if you're paying attention/reading this shit?

       George Pope was saying F unny stuff to  Greg Sears  

 GP> The standard excuse, when caught, eh?
   > Joke's on you, I'm NOT paying attention!

   Yes I'm the joker in this conversation Mate!! ;-))

LIKE the farmer that put this Sign on the fenced paddock:

Do not cross this paddock unless you can do it in 9 seconds flat...

This bull can do it in 10."

> OBAnecdotes: for our Moderator and all-round friend/servant

 Charles De Gaulle 1890-1970

  Lunching with English friends at the time of her husband's
retirement, Madame De Gaulle was asked what she was looking forward to
in the years ahead.  "A penis," she replied without hesitation.  The
embarrassed silence that followed was finally broken by the former
President of France.  "My dear," he murmured, "I think the English don't
pronounce the word quite like that.  It's `'appiness.'"

 Ernest Hemmingway 1899-1961

  Hemmingway's contract with his publishers, Scribner's, contained a
clause prohibiting the publishers from changing a single word in his
manuscripts.  Maxwell Perkins, then an editor with Scribner's, was
reading "Death in the Afternoon" when he came across the word "F***."
He decided to apply to the highest authority to get a ruling on whether
to delete it.  he read the passage to the elderly Charles Scribner, head
of the firm, who was just about to leave the office and did not feel
capable of reaching an immediate decision.  "We will have to discuss
this fully when I come back from lunch," said the distinguished
publisher, and on his notepad headed "What To Do Today" jotted down the
one word: "F***."

 Henri IV 1553-1610, King of France

  As the King passed through a small town, a deputation of Burgesses
was drawn up at the gates to receive him.  Just as the leading dignitary
began his speach of welcome, a donkey nearby started to bray.  The king
turned toward the noisy creature and said with great gravity,
"Gentlemen, one at a time, please."

Richard Harris Barham 1788-1845

  At Oxford Barham regularly failed to attend morning chapel.  His
tutor demanded an explanation.  Barham excused himself.  "The fact is,
sir, it's too late for me," he said "Too late!" said the astonished
tutor.  "Yes, sir," Barham continued.  "I'm a man of regular habits and
I can't sit up until sevon o'clock in the morning.  Unless I get to bed
by four, or five at the latest, I'm good for nothing next day."

 Leo Blech 1871-1958, German composer and conductor.

  At a rehearsal of the orchestra of the Berlin State Opera Company,
one of the players could not follow Blech's beat.  "You're new here?"
asked Blech.  "Yes, I started only yesterday," replied the player.
"Well, your difficulty is understandable," said Blech.  "Let's work at
it till we get it right." He spent two hours working with the performer,
then said, "now it sounds right and tomorrow at the premiere you'll be
perfect." The player replied, "But I won't be here tomorrow.  I'm only
here to help out with the rehearsals."

 William Lisle Bowles 1762-1850, British clergyman.

  When Bowles gave a Bible to Bessie Moore, wife of the poet Tom Moore,
she asked him to inscribe it.  She was startled to see that the absent
minded divine had written: "from the Author."

 Maurice Bowra 1898-1971, British classical scholar.

  Parson's Pleasure, the stretch of river at Oxford set aside for men's
bathing, is out of bounds for woman.  One day Bowra and a group of other
dons were bathing there au naturel when a boatload of women,
disregarding the "Men Only" signs, rowed into their midst.  The dons on
the bank hurriedly grabbed their towels and fashioned impromptu
loincloths - with the exception of Bowra, who threw his towel over his
face.  When the intruders had gone, Bowra explained, "I believe,
gentlemen, that I am recognized by my face."

 Jack Benny 1894-1974

  Benny was never able to make fellow comedian George Burns laugh.  "I
thought I had him once in Milwaukee," he told an interviewer.  "George
telephoned me from down stairs to say he was coming up.  I got undressed
and stood naked on a table posing like a statue holding a rose in my
hand.  I figured when he came in the door, he'd have to laugh." "What
happened?"
  "He sent the maid in first." replied Benny.

 Lord Gerald Tyrwhitt-Wilson 14th Baron Berners 1883-1950

  One of his acquaintances was in the impertinent habit of saying to
him, "I have been sticking up for you." He repeated this once too often,
and Lord Berners replied, "Yes, and I have been sticking up for you.
Someone said you aren't fit to live with pigs, and I said you are."
Sarah Bernhardt, French actress, 1844-1923

  In the United States a clergyman spoke of Bernhardt as "an imp of
darkness, a female demon sent from the modern Babylon to corrupt the New
World." Sarah responded with a note: "My dear confrere, why attack me so
violently?  Actors ought not to be hard on one another."
  Clergyman across the United States, in fact, denounced Sarah
Bernhardt from their pulpits as the "Whore of Babylon," thereby ensuring
massive attendance at her performances.  The Episcopalian bishop of
Chicago having delivered a particularly effective piece of publicity,
Bernhardt arranged for her agent to send him a note and a bank draft.
"Your Excellency," the note read," I am accustomed, when I bring an
attraction to your town, to spend $400 on advertising.  As you have done
half the advertising for me, I herewith enclose $200 for your parish."

 Prince Otto Eduard Leopold Von Bismarck 1815-1898

  Bismarck had been conversing for a rather long time with the English
ambassador when the latter posed a question: "How do you handle
insistent visitors who take up so much of your valuable time?" Bismarck
answered, "Oh, I have an infallible method.  My servant appears and
informs me that my wife has something urgent to tell me." At that moment
there was a knock at the door and the servant entered with a message
from his wife.

 Brendan Behan 1923-1964, Irish playwright.

  During one of his alcoholic periods, Behan arrived at his publisher's
office en route for Euston station, wearing his pajamas under his suit.
The publicity director, a friend of the family, was to accompany Behan
to the station to meet his parents.  She had the task of making him a
little more presentable.
  "On our way to the station we stopped at an outfitter's in a side
street off the Euston Road, and although the cloths in the window had
little to do with Brendan, we went in.  As I busied myself informing the
immaculately dressed assistant that we wanted an overcoat, shirt, and a
tie, I did not notice that brendan was preparing himself
enthusiastically for the fitting until, too late, he stood in front of
us with not a stitch between himself and his maker, his suit and his
pajamas bunched in a pile by his tiny bare feet.  With a dignity that
is essentially the mark of a perfect English gentleman, the assistant
did not raise an eyebrow as he helped Brendan into his new shirt and
back into his trousers as though the sight of a naked customer in his
shop was an everyday occurrence."
  Behan was originally a housepainter by trade, and while in paris was
asked to paint a sign on the window of a cafe to attract English
tourists.  He painted:

   Come in, you Anglo-Saxon swine
   And drink of my Algerian Wine.
      `Twill turn your eyeballs black and blue,
   And damn well good enough for you.

  After receiving payment for the job, Behan fled before the cafe
proprietor had time to have the rhyme translated.
  Behan was asked what he thought of drama critics.  "Critics are like
eunuchs in a harem," he replied, "They're there every night, they see it
done every night, they see how it should be done every night, but they
can't do it themselves."

 From John Train's "True Remarkable Occurrences"

 Married: Moses Alexander, aged 93, to Mrs.  Frances Tompkins, aged 105,
in Bata, N.Y., on June 11, 1831.  They were both taken out of bed dead
the following morning.

 Sophie Arnould 1740-1802 - French actress and opera singer.

  A rival actress had been presented by her lover with a magnificent
diamond necklace.  The necklace was rather to long and as worn by the
actress it seemed to be about to disappear down er cleavage.  Sophie
Arnould commented, "It's just returning to its source."

 John Jacob Astor 1763-1848

  Astor once observed to Julia Ward Howe, "A man who has a million
dollars is as well of as if he were rich."

 Christopher Thomas Atkinson 1874-1964

  During one course of lectures Atkinson found himself confronted with
a group of girl students.  He began by saying that his talk that morning
would be on the sexual prowess of the natives of the Polynesian Islands.
The shocked ladies made a concerted rush for the door.  Atkinson called
after them, "It's all right, ladies, you needn't hurry.  There's not
another boat for a month."



    .------------.
   / I C E-van|[0]\
   |  _       |_ice\ Cheers,
~ ~=-(@)------(@)-=/ I C E-man
##############################

... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

--- EzyBlueWave V2.01b006 00F90257
 * Origin: Afraid of the competition? We ARE the Competition! (3:633/104)