Text 3993, 206 rader
Skriven 2006-04-24 01:07:50 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Phonetic Alphabet
=============================
FUNNY

 -=[06-Apr-2006 14:31, George Pope wrote IN a message to All]=-

 GP>        The same old standard phonetic alphabet (which you
   > would use to describe spelling "Wilson" as "Whiskey, India,
   > Lima, Sierra, Oscar, November") has been used by aircraft
   > pilots, millitary personnel, and many others for many years
   > now.  So, I finally decided to come up with something a bit
   > more "original" for those people who annoy me:
   <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< C U T >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
   >        People don't ask me to spell anything over the
   > phone anymore.

  G-day George Pope, that would be good for telemarketers!! ;-)))


> OBJoke: for the moderator of FIDONET's "FUNNY Jokes and Stories" echo


          THE TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR TECHNICIANS

 1) Beware the lightning that lurketh in the un-discharged capacitor,
    lest it cause thee to bounce upon thy buttocks in a most
    untechnician-like manner.
 2) Cause thou the switch that supplieth large quantities of juice to be
    opened and thusly tagged, that thy day in this earthly vale of tears
    may be long.
 3) Prove to thyself that all circuits that radiateth and upon which
    thou worketh are grounded and thusly tagged lest they lift thee to
    radio frequency potential and cause thee to make like a radiator,
    too.
 4) Tarry not amongst those fools that engageth in intentional shocks,
    for they are surely non-believers and are not long for this world.
 5) Take care that thou useth the proper method when thou takes the
    measure of a high voltage circuit lest thou incinerate both thyself
    and thy meter, for verily, though thou hast no account number and
    can be easily surveyed, thy test meter doth have one and, as a
    consequence, bringeth much woe unto the supply department.
 6) Take care thou tampereth not with safety devices and interlocks, for
    this incureth the wrath of the supervisor and bringeth the fury of
    the safety inspector upon thy head and shoulders.
 7) Work thou not on energized equipment, for if thou dost, thy fellow
    workers will surely buy beers for thy widow and console her in other
    ways.
 8) Service thou not equipment alone, for electrical cooking is a
    slothful process and thou might sizzle in thine own fat for hour
    upon a hot circuit before thy Maker sees fit to end thy misery.
 9) Trifle thou not with radioactive tubes and substances lest thou
    commence to glow in the dark like a lightning bug and thy wife have
    no further use for thee except thy wages.
10) Thou shall not make unauthorized modifications to equipment, but
    causeth thou to be recorded all field changes and authorized
    modifications made by thee lest thy successor tear his hair out and
    go slowly mad in his attempt to decide what manner of creature hath
    made a nest in the wiring of such equipment.

> OBProverbs: for  |<+]::-( ("Cyberpope"(the Bishop of ROM!))


 1) "As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes many an
    expression that isn't.
 2) But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast
    to the nearest gas station.
 3) I don't think they could put him on a mental hospital.  On the other
    hand, if he were already in, I don't think they would let him out.
 4) Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always
    hear "on the other hand..."
 5) The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group
    and is an emerging underachiever!
 6) $100 placed at 7% interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will
    increase to more than $100,000,000 - by which time it will be worth
    nothing.
(a) Completion of any task within the allocated time and budget does not
    bring credit upon the performance personnel-- it merely proves that
    the task was easier than expected.
(b) Failure to complete any task within the allocated time and budget
    proves that the task was more difficult than expected and requires
    promotion for those in charge.
 7) Cost consciousness and sophisticated design are basically
    incompatible.
 8) The less management demands of engineers and scientists, the greater
    their productivity.
 9) TRC eht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
10) 7:30, Channel 7: Bewitched.  Tabatha gets carsick and turns Darin
    into a plastic bag.  8:00, The Bionic Dog.  The Bionic Dog gets a
    horrible short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate
    Greyhound bus.  9:00, Channel 5; I Dream of Jeannie.  Jeannie and
    Major Nelson discover new things to do with Jeannie's bottle.
11) A "critic" is a person who creates nothing and thereby feels
    qualified to judge the work of creative people.  There is logic in
    this; he is unbiased-- he hates all creative people equally.
12) A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
13) A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree.
    Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place on a scientific
    game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball would have
    travelled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there,
    preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
14) A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on
    the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled
    onto the rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results from
    friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball and
    the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
    ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical phenomena.
15) A bathroom hook will be loaded to capacity immediately upon becoming
    available.  This also applies to freeways, closets, playgrounds,
    downtown hotels, taxis, parking lots, wallets, purses, pockets, and
    so on.  The list is endless.
16) A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
17) A camel is a horse planned by committee.
18) A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very
    often.
19) A carelessly planned project takes three times longer than expected;
    a carefully planned project will only take twice as long.
20) A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms.
21) A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
22) A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man
    can do in an hour.
23) A company is known by the people it keeps.
24) A compromise is the art of dividing the cake in such a way that each
    one thinks he is getting the biggest piece.
25) A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
26) A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen
    lantern.
27) A cynic is man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
    coffin.
28) A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife
    together.
29) A fake fortune teller can be tolerated, but an authentic soothsayer
    should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking
    around that she deserved.
30) A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
31) A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing
    women all at the same time.  It was a lovely funeral.
32) A good name will wear out; a bad one may be turned; a nickname lasts
    forever.
33) A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her
    confidence.
34) A king's castle is his home.
35) A lie in time saves nine.
36) A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the
    wrong time.
37) A little ignorance can go a long way.
38) A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off
    more than he can chew.
39) A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist." "However," replied the
    universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
40) A man should be greater than some of his parts.
41) A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches
    is never sure.
42) A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
43) A meeting is a place where people get together to talk about what
    they should be doing.
44) A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the
    writer.
45) A motion to adjourn is always in order.
46) A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners.
47) A nickname is the heaviest stone the devil can throw at a man.
48) A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the
    pants.
49) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
50) A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
51) A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
52) A phenomenon known to anyone who has ever lit fires: You can throw a
    burnt match out the window of your car and start a forest fire while
    you can use two boxes of matches and a whole edition of the Sunday
    paper without being able to start a fire under the dry logs in your
    fireplace.
53) A piece of electronic equipment is housed is a beautifully designed
    cabinet, and at the side or on top is a little box containing the
    components which the designer forgot to make room for.
54) A pipe give a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick
    in his mouth.
55) A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
56) A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
57) A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the
    opposite at the beginning of the sentence.  For maximum
    comprehension, so not start listening until the first clause is
    concluded.  Begin instead at the word "but" which begins the second,
    or active, clause.  This is the way to tell a liberal from a
    conservative--before they tell you.  Thus: "I have always believed
    in a strong national defense, second to none, but..." (a liberal,
    about to propose a $20 billion defense cut).
58) A pretty woman is a welcome guest.
59) A professor's enthusiasm for teaching the introductory course varies
    inversely with his likelihood of having to do it.
60) A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
61) A quick response is worth a thousand logical responses.
62) A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself,
    lets you forget it.
63) A realist lets circumstances decide which end of the telescope to
    look through.



     . . . . o o o o o
           _____      0
  ____====  ]OO|_n_n__][.
 [________]_|__|________)<   Cheers,
  oo    oo  'oo OOOO-| oo\_  I C E-man 
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+

... Cool! I figured out the Sysop's passwor$>@7& NO CARRIER

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