Text 3999, 136 rader
Skriven 2006-04-24 04:15:20 av Greg Sears (3:633/104)
     Kommentar till en text av George Pope
Ärende: Re: Who was Jesus Really?
=================================
FUNNY

 -=[06-Apr-2006 14:33, George Pope wrote IN a message to All]=-

 GP> JESUS WAS JEWISH

  G-day George Pope, are you sure he was/is! ;-????

> OBJoke: for the moderator of FIDONET's "FUNNY Jokes and Stories" echo

               Lighters?

  Not long ago, there was a tragic accident.  A little boy was playing
with a cigarette lighter, and touched off a fire which as it destroyed
the home claimed the lives of his brother and sister.  He had evidently
found it concealed in his mother's purse, near her hidden supply of
cigarettes, commonly found near lighters and matches.

  This is a direct result of the lax attitude taken by our state and
federal government toward the safety of the public.  The practically
unrestricted commerce in matches and even the compact, easily concealed
high-capacity "semi-automated" (as the President puts it) butane
lighters, has been statistically proven responsible for thousands upon
thousands of deaths yearly.  In fact, such lighters are preferred by
most arsonists!

  Sit outside your local "smoke shop" and look at the sort of people
who go inside.  These are the addicts, and the anarchists, who feel some
perverse need to posses matches or lighters.  Some will claim that they
need the matches to light stoves; yet the professionals who handle fire
for a living regularly point to a lack of training on the part of these
"individualists" who would take cooking into their own hands ("There's
never a burger stand around when you need one," they argue)!

  No figures are available, but it is common knowledge among law
enforcement that lighters are taken from the vast majority of criminals
at time of arrest, as proven by police reports!  And even in prison,
lighters are commonly available, smuggled in from outside or even
supplied by guards and wardens!  We took our hidden cameras into one of
these Merchants of Death; inside we found rack after rack of easily
concealable lighters being offered by dozens of manufacturers, including
"military-style" lighters, colored black, green, or even camouflage!

  Surely nobody would claim any legitimate purpose for such devices,
which only have one true purpose-ARSON!  Also popular are "Saturday
Afternoon Specials," cheap, foreign copies of quality American lighters
(as carried by our police and armed forces).  Would-be war heroes
bolster their machismo with these look-alikes of lighters glorified in
movies and cop shows on TV, made mostly of plastic, as are the terrorist
lighters which are virtually undetectable by airport security devices.
[NOTE TO EDITORS: CAREFUL with this last reference--the Washington, DC
Police Department is now using these plastic lighters.  When referring
to DCPD, use the phrase "High-tech police lighters"] These
semi-automated "assault lighters", with their capacity to start dozens
of fires as fast as the flint can be struck, have become a form of
status symbol among "freebase" drug users, who prefer the massive
firepower these terrible devices offer.

  We have even heard rumors of finely tuned ".45 Caliber Match" and
"National Match" items; we have been unable to find out any more of such
items, but these are obviously even more deadly than "sporting" matches!

  While purchase of these deadly weapons is often restricted by local
law to persons over a certain age, there is no federal law to do so; one
state may have a stringent law while its neighboring state has no
controls whatsoever, making unlawful importation from one state to
another a serious problem.  What is needed is a Federal law, to keep
these devices from felons or the mentally ill, and, of course, a Federal
registration program to identify repeat offenders (those who claim that
such offenders will bypass the laws and buy fire on the black market are
to be laughed out of the studio as being obviously unfamiliar with the
real world)!

  We at Fire Control, Inc., are aware that the Lighter Lobby is a
powerful bloc in Washington, as evidenced by the federal grants and
subsidies given to the producers of these infernal devices and their
associates, the tobacco pushers.  Nonetheless, we seek tighter
restrictions on ownership, manufacture, and transfer of matches and
lighters.  After all, what sort of person really needs such implements
(no matter the claims of so-called "sportsmen")?  Nice guys who have
lighters aren't nice guys!  Those who claim some "right" to own fire
point to the fact that the Founding Fathers, themselves, used open
flame; however, James Madison never had a Scripto!  We are not after
legitimate fire, started by steel, flint, and tinder (as the Founding
Fathers used), but the terrible toll exacted by semi-automated "assault"
lighters must be stopped!


> OBJoke: for  |<+]::-( ("Cyberpope"(the Bishop of ROM!))

    30 REASONS WHY VAPORWARE IS BETTER THAN REAL SOFTWARE:
            by Gwen Barnes

 1) Vaporware doesn't use up all your harddrive space.
 2) Vaporware loads and runs much faster than real software.
 3) Vaporware doesn't need docs.
 4) The price is right.
 5) Vaporware never crashes.
 6) Vaporware is never copy protected.
 7) Vaporware never has viruses.
 8) You can download vaporware without running up a huge phone bill.
 9) Vaporware never gets corrupted by line noise during downloads.
10) Vaporware tech support never puts you on hold.
11) Vaporware never comes on 18 floppies in a 10 pound box.
12) Vaporware never conflicts with your other applications.
13) Vaporware is much easier to write than real software.
14) Vaporware is always network-ready.
15) You never need to buy a site license for vaporware.
16) Vaporware is always DesqView aware.
17) You never need to buy more RAM to run vaporware.
18) Vaporware has versions which support Windows and OS/2.
19) Vaporware authors never get sued for "look and feel."
20) Vaporware runs perfectly on your existing hardware.
21) Vaporware still runs perfectly when you upgrade your hardware.
22) Vaporware always does exactly what you need it to do.
23) Vaporware never attacks another program's data files.
24) Vaporware never tells you to press the <ANY> key.
25) No-one can dispute your performance benchmarks for vaporware.
26) Vaporware always supports YOUR video adaptor.
27) Wherever you go, you can always run vaporware.
28) You always have the latest version of vaporware.
29) No matter how old it is, vaporware never becomes obsolete.



     . . . . o o o o o
           _____      0
  ____====  ]OO|_n_n__][.
 [________]_|__|________)<   Cheers,
  oo    oo  'oo OOOO-| oo\_  I C E-man 
+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+

... ÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜÜßÜßÜ ‹ DRi¥K tì màkˆ éÂhÉ© pˆ•plä ¡Nt‰R‰StiïG. ßÜßÜßßÜßÜßßÜßÜ

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