Text 409, 68 rader
Skriven 2004-10-19 13:34:10 av DAVE COBLE (1:123/140)
     Kommentar till en text av GEORGE POPE
Ärende: Mammogram
=================
I know my memory's fading.

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I chose a seat next to a man and
his wife in the waiting room.

Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long I'd
totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man.

"So...what are you here for?"

Talk about a showstopper.

Dead silence just as "Nurse Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone
voice. I thought, "Great..a name to match the idiot."

I rushed past the giggles and hurried after the angel of no mercy. Rounding
the corner,  I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard
carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned,
"Allll I need you to do is step into this room right hereee,  strip to the
waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?"

(I'm thinking, Belinda...try decaf. This ain't rocket science.)

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy, but
I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup
size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't
made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex. We can be
stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and
still pop back into shape.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left
and said, "Hmmmm.  Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we
can get everything?"

"Fine", I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air,  so why not
use the remaining circulation in my legs and  neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard, then
felt, zap! Complete darkness.  "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is
working.  Bet they hit a snag."

Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me!  You're not leaving are you?" I
shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt
backkkk"

Before I could shout "NO" she  disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba
and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of
me dangling from the Jaws of Life.

After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if  I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria,  I replied with as much calmness as
possible,  "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks."

"You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been
standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The
power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to
lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the
clamps...
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